All Mom Wants for Christmas…
I want no one spending more money just LOTS of cooking & a ride to look @ Christmas lights with not one word of bickering between your sisters! no one gets car sick or complains about the temp. or reads a book instead of looking @ lights & saying Ah h h h. O & I am not the driver! I demand many back rubs & foot rubs too! O & we must go to bars too bad [youngest sister] probably does not have a fake ID. that is my list maybe to go the movies too! LOL
Burritos vs. Monkeys
Backstory: This was in response to an e-mail I sent her that had funny clippings from newspapers. The one we’re referring to said, “Police receive a report of a newborn infant found in a trash can. Upon investigation, officers discover it was only a burrito.”
Me: My favorite is the one about the baby found in the trash can that turned out to be a burrito.
Mom: You looked a lot like a burrito when you were a baby. A really cute burrito, though.
Me: what kind of burrito? Was I like a comforting bean and cheese burrito, a salty fried carne asada burrito, or a disappointing machaca burrito?
Mom: Oh, I’m sorry. I mis-spoke. Or mis-typed.
It was your DIAPER that looked like a cute burrito. YOU looked like an adorable monkey.
Don’t ask me what type of monkey besides being a lovable monkey. xoxo
Mushy mushy mushy!!! :-)
Backstory: My Mom and I went to see “Precious”, which lead to us both crying off our eye makeup. It was an odd choice for a mother/daughter date, but I’m glad we saw it together.
Hi, Sweet Peach:
Hope you are feeling better. Just thought of you and figured I would say “Hi!”
Every day, in movies like “Precious” and on TV, I see girls who are damaged by their parents . We really hope that you know that you are 1) loved as parents should love their kids; and 2) more importantly, loved because you are a wonderful person – easy to love.
Mushy mushy mushy!!! :-)
In any event, hi to Matt. & Have a good weekend, we are of to the Mall tomorrow to begin our shopping quest.
Wish us luck,
xo,
The REAL Joy of Sex
Backstory: This is my mom’s response to comments on the email from her I’d sent in that was posted on here.
mom: Hello! Back in the late ’60’s and ’70’s when I was dating, “the pill” was the best form of birth control. And we didn’t know about AIDS yet, so condoms weren’t so widely promoted for “safe sex.”
mom: Besides — how many of THEM have read “The Joy of Sex.” PLUS the sequel, “More Joy of Sex.’
mom: YoMomma has. :-)
me: so what’s the joy of sex then? I’m assuming condoms aren’t part of that?
mom: Let’s just say that after reading the first book, you’d never be able to look at goldfish (the fish, not the cracker) or green grapes the same way
Oh Deer
Backstory: My mom found a lot of deer in her flowerbeds this morning. She also has a loaded BB gun in the kitchen that she uses to scare off the “wildlife” that show up in my parents’ yard.
We’ll they’ve got the whole freaking woods. What do they need in my yard. God, just one more thing to piss me off that I have to shoot at.
xoxoxoxo
mom
Christmas Surprise!
Hi dearios,
Please hold open Monday, December 28 at 7:30 p.m.
We are going to see the Nutcracker at Centre in the Square.
I was able to get each of you a small part on stage. You will just be part of the children’s chorus and you can just wear your best dress and flat shoes.
love, Mom
Birth Order Blues
Backstory: I recently stumbled on a birth order website, and noticed how accurate it was for me and my sisters. I felt the need to share it with our mother.
Me: you there
Mom: hi skank-a-sour
Me: hi..read this: birthorderandpersonality.com
its sooo accurate
Mom: omg so true. weaknesses are dead on!
tend to be selfish with possesions and attention.
Me: wow. did you learn to copy and paste?
Mom: yes i did and i love it
Me: Famous first born children: Walter Conkrite, Dan Rather….F Ya!!!!!!!!!!!
Mom: u r A NERD
Me: come on these men are my heros
I Will Outlive Them All!
Backstory: There has been an ongoing battle between my mum and my father (her now ex-husband) and his family
But I swear to god I will outlive all of them and dance on their graves.
Love ya chicken
Mum xx
Supper Club
Backstory: I had asked what was for dinner.
Well, I paid for steak which we did not eat last night and I will not be here tomorrow because I have a meeting at 5:30..Then, I also bought a pork roast, which I had tapped for Wed. Plus, there are turkey sausages for turkey lasagna…Then, I have another meeting Friday… When would you be here tonight? Plus, I am ordering Christmas gifts and planning when to buy the donations for the giving tre…And I have not even bought anything for you ,daddy, etc….When would you arrive? Tonight is the football game.
Sex Ed, Coming Right Up
Backstory: For halloween I cut off the toe part of some black striped tights to make them into arm warmers and one of them ended up on the floor in my room.
Um…
I’ve never seen one, so I don’t know what one looks like, but I found this black nylon THING on your bedroom floor. Is it a condom?!
