A repository of modern day maternal correspondence

A Brave New World Of Thingies

HI!
I remembered I hadn’t said thank you for the wireless connection thingy that you also sent.  Dad is very excited by that. Apparently we can also use it with the IPOD thingy too but we definitely haven’t figured that out at all!
Once again thanks for bringing us in to this brave new world!
Love you guys.
Mom

If you get too busy to call, just call

I know you get busy sometimes and don’t have time to call and check in with me on your way home and things are so busy when you get home with getting dinner and everything.  Don’t worry about it if you can’t check in, just give me a call and let me know.

Cleaning Out The Closet

Me: I was sorting through my closet today and I thought it’s kind of funny that I have “vacation clothes” and “date clothes” when I neither date nor vacation.
Mom: Really???  Do you have “work clothes” and “gym clothes” in there too???  HA HAHHA HA HAHA AHAH A.
Me: Not funny
Mom: Sorry, I couldn’t resist

Hope It’s Not Something Kinky

Backstory: I sent my dear, sweet Mumsi the link to your website and ever since she has been signing her emails “LOL Mom”.  I wasn’t quite sure she understood what it meant, so I asked her…
I got the LOL from that website about Moms’ emails - some of the Moms used it to sign off [...]

I am crazy, its true.

Hi there Missy,
How are you today? We’re having James and Nancy over tonight, and of course, I couldn’t rest thinking of all the stuff I wanted to get done - so I didn’t get to sleep till after midnight and I’ve been up since 5:00. I am crazy, its true. But I [...]

I Hope I Can Control Myself

Mom: I had a great sandwich, whole wheat pita, ground turkey meat seasoned w/garlic salt, avocado (lots),lettuce, parsley, cucumbers,waterrcress. Yum-Yum
Me: did you make it
Mom: Yup. I keep a fresh salad in the fridge, with romaine,parsley,cuces, and watercress.Then we put a dressing of balsamic vinegar, olive oil, and lemon juice.  Again Yum-Yum You can used the [...]

Nurses Gone Wild

Backstory: I’m deployed overseas with the Army
I was really sorry I missed your call for my birthday. Thanks for the picture disk; sorry I haven’t gotten one off to you. I can’t believe with Linda here I completely spaced on picking your things up at the armory. I’m going to try to make it there [...]

Gawker Today

I saw that [redacted] fellow sent you a silly email at 2:30 AM.  How sad.
I think he is crying out to be accepted by you.  I think you should invite him over for a bbq and let him know he doesn’t need to be successful or funny or even smart, to be your friend - [...]

Sent Shortly After My Mother’s Root Canal

Hi,
I wanted to let you know that I’m home from the dentist, and everttying went well. I;m not even going to spellchech this cause I am really out of it. I’m somewhat still flying with all the meds in me, I read your email, and I’m sure we can help this wekend. .
love from your [...]

HURRY! HURRY! HURRY!

Backstory: My cousin, who is 15 years older than me (I’m 19), just had a baby. My mom emailed my dad the pictures of her baby, and CCed me on the email.
Do you want to be a grandpa already? ^_^
I am ready to be a grandma, a young and pretty one. ^_~
I need to ask [...]

Photo scanning blues

Mom: Can’t get the scanner to scan a photo.  What am I doing wrong?
Me: it’s too complicated.  put photo in and try to hit scan button
Mom: Did - doesn’t do anything.  I’ll just mail the photo to your aunt.  It’s a pic of our parents graves. She has difficulty accepting that they are dead.
Me:  That’s [...]

Get me out of here!

Surprise, I am writing you an email.
I NEED HELP AND SOON, BEFORE I STARVE TO DEATH !!!!
I am guessing that you are wondering how come I’m doing this — it’s just because I am locked into my computer room and cannot get out.  I was trying to put a door knob on the door and [...]

The Bloat

At least the bloat is not permanent.  My bloat has lasted ever since Steven was born.  That boy messed me up.
Mom

41-Year-Old Virgin

I just talked to Grandma and your aunt’s wedding is going to be the 6th of December.  She asked if she could send your invitation here and I told her that if she wanted YOU to get it, she should mail it to YOU.  Novel idea?  Anyway, the best part of the conversation came later [...]

DUI by proxy

Backstory: “I received this from my mom after my brother got a DUI. Both of us are over 25, but I suppose I’m in trouble, too?!”
I shouldn’t have to find out that my son got a DUI from the local newspaper. Please come over soon so that we can discuss.
Mom

Celine Dion, then wieners

Hi Jim! I did a lot of returning today. Was successful except for Celine Dion perfume. A receipt is mandatory. Guess I’ll give that to Rita for her 60th next August. Dad and I are going to Rob Roy Beauty school tonight for Dad’s haircut and my manicure. Then we’ll go to Barbara’s Place for [...]

Any use for a nylon bag?

The college counselor is cleaning out and has a book bag (about 12″w x 16″h and 2″ deep), has just a single magnetic clasp with a shoulder strap. It does read College Board in the lower right corner. If you don’t want it (toting yoga things?), I’m going to put it up for grabs on [...]

Lunch with the ex-boyfriend

It’s kind of nice for the ego - that he called, right? Just remember not to give him the “power stick”. Also, you are the one who broke things off - staying friends is nice and you never know …he might introduce you to my son-in-law!!!
Call me after your lunch!
Love you,
Mom
XOXOXO

That is truly crazy

So how is it, girlie girl?  Are you okay?  We have a guy in the top 15 most wanted on the loose in MS.  He stabs and beatrs his victims with a hammer after he robs them.  Good grief.  That is truly crazy.  Let me know how the work is going.

Dad’s watching Gilmore Girls

Hi babies,
I am a little bit frightened about what is happening with daddy.  He and your sister are watching….not once, but twice a day,…… the GILMORE GIRLS.
and if that isnt bad enough, I just walked by the playroom and daddy wanted to know why she said they were getting married in 2 weeks werent they [...]



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