I went shopping the other day and restrained myself from buying stuff for your apartment because if I were you I would want to do it all myself.

However, if there are things you want, or things you want me to watch for on sale, let me know and I will keep my eagle eyes open.

Also, the seniors released tame bunnies in the courtyard–only a few, they have all been captured and are being relocated to a farm.  The seniors were also captured and are being relocated to their parents’ homes for graduation night.

Hi doll,
I just got back from seeing sex in the city. It was so funny! There was hardly anyone in the theater and I went with the two chairs from grad night. We laughed so loud. Neither one of them had seen the show so after the movie they talked about how they wanted to rent all the seasons of the show and watch it since we are all too tired to stay up until midnight. I feel like I need to see it again just to be sure I saw everything. There was kind of a lot of sex in it which I found a little shocking but I realize I have only seen the network censored versions, not cable. Big difference.

Hope all is well with you. I am loving you,
Mom

What is going on with Firefox – it is doing what Safari used to do and the cartoons that friends send are not forwarding….

Backstory: This email was a reply to one I sent about my money troubles.

if you cut down a little bit on your drinking when you are out-that may help.  sometimes when you are having fun and drinking-money doesn’t seem to matter. trust me, I know.

love love,

mom

We kept smelling something horrible in the garage and we thought that maybe a mouse had come in and died or something like that. Well, guess what it was?  Rockefella’s old cat litter. When you cleaned out his litter box you put it in a bag and placed it in a trash can that Dad doesn’t use often because we never have enough trash to fill up all three. Anyway, Rockafella’s liter has been in our garbage can since you all were here on Memorial Weekend. Yep! Smelling good times!! With all of that heat last week things were really smellin’ good. Ha! Ha!

Mom

Here’s the worried mom talking “Are you eating well?  Have you stopped using anti-perspirant?  Will you have fun at Symphony Hall tonight?  What’s new?  What’s old?”

Give me a reassuring e-mail so that I know you aren’t huddled in a corner, starving, and lonely!!!

Love,

Llama

Offspring – I am cancelling the reservation to Arun’s restaurant.  People are losing everything to the flooding in Iowa; people are losing their homes from bank foresclosures (USA Today highlighted a family who took out a home equity loan for $100,000 – their house is now worth $60,000); the price of oil is making travel via car or air prohibitive yada yada yada and I am going to have my hard working princess daughters spend $100 each for a fancy dinner – food we consume, digest then poo? I would rather spend money supporting the local restaurants. Mama

I read a couple of notes from the moms and feel like as a mother I have been underachieving.   Very little humor in my notes but I am not admitting to being a bore.   I’ll have to work a bit harder to entertain you so I can make the big time web pages.  Talk about pressure!

I liked the one mom that signed her missive Momzilla.  I am not that type of mom but can appreciate her.  Loved the idea of the Red Hat Society being dumped.  Talk about a cultural joke!   I guess they don’t see it that way or else they wouldn’t do such wierd stuff and open themselves up for ridicule.    Maybe they are a cult.

It’s 2330 I’m just going to bed… but the news is all about the feet washing up on our coast……….. just so you know…… I and everyone I know still have both feet. There may however be a business opportunity for the sale of shoes or should I say shoe?

Cheers Mom

Backstory: I e-mailed my mom to tell her (after bragging about not doing it for several months) I had finally locked myself out of the house.

I remember the time I locked you in the car accidentally when you were napping and at the same time I was locked out of the apartment cause the keys were attached to the same ones that were in the car. .  (I did it twice).    I had to call your Dad to come get you out and get us in the apartment.  Yeah, good times.    Haaaaaaaa……….   Not funny, well sort of.

I’m SO ADD!   I’m trying to pack, not very well.   A long haul move is much easier to pack for than a short 5 minute move, cause you keep saying “Oh, I’ll just put this in the car like it is”….  UGH!

Have a better day.  I think I would rather be working for cash than this working.    Nah….  just kidding. Love ya,Mom

Backstory: I sent my mom a particularly entertaining YouTube video involving a choir of singing potatoes.  She was either inspired by the Budweiser ‘Swear Jar’ commercial I also sent along, or she was *very* concerned I wasn’t taking medical school very seriously…

Child, stop watching f***ing youtubes and get the h*** back to work!!  What the s*** do you think you’re doing?  Are you going to be a f***ing potato doctor???  Love,

Your G**D*** Mother

hey I just bought Davey an outfit from Nordstroms and it should be there next MOnday- it is adorable- I just had to buy it- hope it fits this summer while we are traveling! dont’ want my grandoson traveling with no clothes on!! we will have to take a lot for him because we won’t have a washer for almost a week! yikes!!!

Order the Trip tik tomorrow please!! love you Momieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

hi darling,

I must say the holiday in France was a crazy one to tell you! i ended up in a jacuzzi with four very odd men singing bohemian rhapsody with a beer hat on supplying me with famous grouse….now i know what you must be thinking but i can tell you your mother is no floozy! but hey can you say you’ve done that!

ps please don’t do that….

love you, mum

Backstory: I got a new puppy.

Hi!  How is life as a parent?  Did puppy keep you up last night?

I’m thinking of my grandma name.  I’m thinking that I’m either Nina or Honey.  Dad is Papa. Nina is the name of the Diane Keaton character in Father of the Bride, and she becomes a grandma in the second movie.

Honey is what everyone called Amy’s mom.  Amy’s kids just copied their grandpa when he yelled for her.

If you have heard of another good grandma replacement, let me know.  Puppy probably won’t be saying the word…but he will be thinking it.

all excellent points and for the record, you can always make me cry.  Ok, well, admittedly I am PMS (TMI I’m sure), but regardless, ya still can make me cry!

I dreamed last night that Bob and I came to Chicago, you were having a party, and it was all these ‘old’ people, I think you were trying to make us comfortable by having these old people, but we were offended, we wanted the fun ones! haha

love ya much!

OK – a mouse had been spotted in the new house.

Set a trap.  No longer a problem.

A black snake is living under the refrigerator.

Ma

The aerial acrobatics have begun . . . My birds are here!!! They were buggin’ Dad when he was up, staring in the kitchen window and looking mildly outraged. They were at the feeder this morning – I got it up first thing yesterday. And so, already two males are squabbling over ownership of the feeder. Chasin’ each other all over the front yard, zooming by the windows. Meanwhile the clever females sit at the feeder and enjoy the free lunch.

OK kiddo – I’m off to do more stuff to open the cottage.

Love,

Mom

I can’t believe your grades and you have an incomplete.  What is wrong with you?  You have so much to offer and you keep fucking it up.  Dad said your one scholarship isn’t on the new statement, did they take it anyway because of your grade point average?  I have enough problems, without you adding to them.  You are TWENTY, not TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   You better call me!!!!!!!White boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!