I can see that you have been outbid on a Lacoste Jacket, and have a bid in for a slim skinny jumper.
My money is not yours, so is it really OK, ask yourself?   You have bought on ebay a teeshirt and jacket (the duck one), which would have fitted the average toddler, so it seems [...]

Me: So Friday I got stung by a bee for the first time ever.
Mom: If I were with you I would have peed on your arm.
Me: …
Me: I think that only works for jelly fish stings.
Mom: Oh
Me: Yeah
Mom: Are u trying to tell me you don’t want me peeing on your arm?

The Wedding videos are great.  Dad enjoyed watching his monolog - he said he didn’t realize he looked so much like Jerry Lewis.
Dad gave the dog a bath - said he didn’t see any fleas, but I used the flea stuff this morning.  The reason the spray didn’t work is because it’s for cats - [...]

Backstory: All three children the e-mail was sent to no longer live at home and are of legal drinking age.
Children,
While cleaning the area under the garage I came across a disney backpack with six or so full bottles of michelob light beer bottles. I have the chilling in the fridge now.
love
mom

SaRAH JUST INFORMED ME I ANNOYING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU. WELL SHE ANNOYS ME TOO! GOOD NIGHT K Dinners ready. Mom

Can you teach me how to use the elliptical over the phone?  I want to get wild and kick up my workout.

This is one of those “Are you ok?” kind of emails. I really felt bad for you yesterday, having to experience the incompetent post office system and most importantly a shortage of underwear! No washing machine and no clean underwear can really send a girl over the edge. I hope by now you are in [...]

I am cleaning out drawers today and came across a handwritten list of “car rules” from 1992. Jennie you would have been 5 and Dana would of been 3. I thought you’d get a kick out of them based on your camp and babysitting experiences. What fun we must have had!!
Car Rules developed 12/1992
Effective Immediately
NO [...]

–10:38 AM–
Me: Hello?
–10:40 AM–
Me:  Ok, since you don’t wanna talk to me I’m logging off and going home. Bitch.
–11:11 AM–
Mom:   O:K, the bitch is now leaving to go to the bank. I will settle this with you later. Love ya

I know it is trivial but the Register has not had Dear Abby for about 3 weeks.  Do you know why?

Backstory: Mom decided it was time to tell Aunt Annie I was gay, and in a relationship. Alcoholism ensued.
Me: So how was your vacation?
Mom: It was great! We took a tour of Pike Place Market (fun!) and the botanical gardens or something (snooze) and something else that I don’t remember. I told Aunt Annie about [...]

I suppose the search goes on.  I’m still looking for a carry on bag/tote that is big enough, nice enough, and the right color!  We might need a Christmas trip to NYC!
***** is excited to come see you tomorrow.
i DON’T KNOW HOW i GOT ON iTALICS AND CAPS.  tHIS SUCKS.
lOVE YOU!
mOM

OMG…This really could be a win…win situation.  Go and see that house across the street from your sister.  If the downstairs is private enough for you (and me)…I could move into the downstairs and you & family upstairs.  I could give you $50,000.00+ and pay you rent and you could pay me for babysitting…which would [...]

Did you hear Clay Aiken outed himself?

Mom: do you know him?
Me: not really
Mom: oh boy
Me: enough for it to not be uncomfortable
Mom: so you dont think he’ll rape you or anything?

Dear all:
Check out the Rachel Maddow show on MSNBC. She is SO cool. She is Rhodes Scholar, Lesbian, AIDS activist who stumbled into television and radio broadcasting while working in AIDs in prisons…..and she is so smart and funny and warm.. I think I am in love with her, even though i’m not gay, and [...]

Mom: You know, it’s a good thing I don’t have a YourFace account, because then I would be on the internet all day long.
Me: Ummm… MySpace?
Mom: Oh yeah, I guess that’s it.

We enjoyed the Dam tour. It was damn interesting.  OOOPS! That was a curse word.  The history was fascinating.  Then we went to Vegas.  What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.  Let’s see, we arrived at our non-casino hotel in the afternoon.   Daddy returned the rental car.  We walked to Applebee’s and had dinner.  It [...]

Your room looks nice - make sure you check the heating unit doesn’t get blocked by the sheets. Your bed looks good higher, what’s under it?
Dad says you wish you had a rug. Hmmm, time for an ITYS*.
love you,
Mom
*Mom lingo for I told you so.

Do you know what a “bong” is?  I’m reading a police report that came in and have no idea what that is.