What Mom Learned From AARP

Mom: hey chickie

Mom: made meatballs.
what more can a poor working girl want
than her mama’s company

Me: did you just call me a prostitute?

Mom: no, those are skanky working girls, with a tramp stamp
you have a stamp, but not in the trampy spot

Me: oh man alive.

Mom: but don’t want to see you and j cupcaking

Me: what does that even mean?

Mom: and i am your peep
you should check your vitals
and dont talk smack about kathy
fo shizzle
obvi you are the bomb
and ridonkulous beyond sick for shizzle tight and wack to boot
a total nutter, and snogging your boo with a totes badonkadong
I been reading the aarp magazine
how many of those do you know?

Me: like- the old people magazine?

Mom: obvi
tramp stamp

Me: You are scary.

Mom: bet i made your day huh
we aarp’ers are right up on it

Mom: so what thinks you my baby girl
am i cool or what?

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Leave a Comment »

    • 1.  Seahorselizzie

      Oh man. I know this mom! Literally! She says things like this all the time and is quite possibly the funniest (not intentionally) mom ever! LOLOL!

      October 9, 2008 at 4:25 pm

    • 2.  jeffrey

      I would like to borrow this mom from time to time. HILARIOUS!!!!

      October 9, 2008 at 4:26 pm

    • 3.  seahorselizzie

      I’m sure the submitter would let you ‘borrow’ her. ;o)

      October 9, 2008 at 4:34 pm

    • 4.  Kosicle

      hands off, she’s MINE!

      October 9, 2008 at 4:36 pm

    • 5.  Dana

      Word.

      October 9, 2008 at 5:59 pm

    • 6.  Amanda

      Ha the best my mom can do is constantly use the word “discomblobulated” (or some similar mispronunciation). Also my dad calls tilapia “tilaplia.”

      It’s just not quite this funny.

      October 9, 2008 at 6:57 pm

    • 7.  c

      HILARIOUS! I love this mom.

      October 10, 2008 at 9:41 am

    • 8.  Cass

      ahhaha, this is so funny…my mom got that same issue of AARP and decided to quiz me and see if I knew all the terms.

      October 10, 2008 at 2:48 pm

    • 9.  Jo

      Cupcaking???

      October 10, 2008 at 3:34 pm

    • 10.  Seahorselizzie

      Kosicle informed me that ‘cupcaking’ apparently means public displays of affection. Even after the warning I saw her and J cupcaking last night. I have photo evidence!

      October 10, 2008 at 8:48 pm

    • 11.  Kristina

      One time I accompanied my mother to the post office. She asked me if I’d heard “that song by this Snoop Doggy guy, you know the one – chillin’ at the Holiday Inn!” IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CROWDED POST OFFICE.

      The hole in the ground never did open up and swallow me like I was hoping.

      October 10, 2008 at 10:38 pm

    • 12.  Britt

      Lolzz my mom does this all the time. She watched “Miss Rap Supreme” on mtv and then called me every day with a new rap she wrote. She is awesome.

      October 10, 2008 at 11:08 pm

    • 13.  Sarah

      This is seriously my mom. When I call her cell phone she answers it “What up ho?” and told me not to “front’ the other day. It’s just too much sometimes.

      October 11, 2008 at 3:08 pm

    • 14.  Christina

      fo shizzle

      October 13, 2008 at 11:34 am

    • 15.  bobby

      haha “Oh Man Alive!”

      October 14, 2008 at 12:49 pm

    • 16.  J

      I’d like to adopt this mom. Even if she doesn’t like to see me cupcaking.

      October 14, 2008 at 8:15 pm

    • 17.  entropii

      my mom cut out this same list from AARP so she could be up with my lingo. ahhhhhhhh

      October 22, 2008 at 9:49 pm

    • 18.  Adrian

      Yo, dawgs, this mom is off the hook!!! Props!

      March 21, 2009 at 2:54 pm

    • 19.  Jen

      I love when they try hard to be funny. Parents are so cute.

      March 22, 2009 at 9:55 am

    • 20.  carolyn

      I want to meet this mom – she is sooo me! You go, girl!

      March 22, 2009 at 3:28 pm

    • 21.  Lizzie

      i keep coming back to this post and laughing my head off!!!!!

      March 23, 2009 at 7:18 am

    • 22.  Niki

      I think this mom is awesome! When I discovered the song Gin and Juice I was so excited and shared my joy with my daughter. She rolled her eyes and laughed at me. You go AARP mom…..holla!

      March 23, 2009 at 1:54 pm

    • 23.  Emily

      Oh geez, this actually reminds me of my dad! He uses outdated slang like this all the time, and he is always calling me ‘g’.

      March 28, 2009 at 7:48 pm

    • 24.  haha

      remember when that phrase “oh diss” came out. my mom tried using it, and still to this day says, ooo DISK. then she’ll say something like oh. that’s not right, right?

      March 31, 2009 at 2:56 pm

    • 25.  AmyKay

      oh my ever-lovin pants… lol
      I want to borrow her, too – she rocks the house, yo, fo’ shizzle! lol (Give me 20 years or so, I’ll be just as bad!)

      July 10, 2009 at 12:40 pm

    • 26.  MusProf

      I say crap like this all the time to my daughters — I think it is hilarious when a 50 year old woman talks ‘street’ (with tongue planted firmly in cheek, of course!) I would TOTALLY be friends with this woman!

      July 15, 2009 at 10:08 pm

    • 27.  Andrew

      That just made me cry with laughter xxx

      June 30, 2010 at 7:59 am

    • 28.  Denise

      I’ll admit it. I do this kind of stuff to my kids all the time–especially on facebook. They say that, if a middle age white woman says something, the phrase is instantly no longer cool. Just doing my part to save the English language.

      September 10, 2010 at 1:56 pm

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Love, Mom