Backstory: My mom can be a bit dramatic. When I told her about my new girlfriend, she didn’t take the news very well. (Also, I am half the size of Rosie O’Donnell.)
A veil of intense sorrow descends whenever you even mention it. LIke a shroud that weighs a million poounds. You are already startign to look like Rosie . YOu just don’t see it. BUt everyone else does. And the thought of raising children with mom and mommy. My heart is broken. I have a hole in my soul.
And you are becoming a male hater.
I don’t want to finger point. YOu don’t see it. Dad made that comment unsolicited. Belive me, we do not discuss this. Not ever. THe pain is too great for me. I weep as I write this.
now I have a hole in MY sole… heavy stuff…
November 19, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Yes, the weight is so heavy that she can’t take her finger off the ‘Shift’ key fast enough.
In all seriousness, this makes *me* very sad. Hugs to the submitter.
November 19, 2008 at 3:17 pm
aww, hugs to the submitter. mom and mommy sounds awesome!
November 19, 2008 at 3:51 pm
This one in really funny. It will get better when I came out my mom the following christmas she said “I have great news, I stopped crying everyday” Fun times
November 19, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Man, I’m sorry. Your mom sucks. Between the hateful references to your sexual preferences and weight, I don’t even know where to begin.
November 19, 2008 at 4:11 pm
The reason for all the typos is because she is typing with one hand on her forehead and sighing as she types. This is brilliant, Hollywood can’t write this stuff. I couldn’t keep a straight face while reading this. Obviously the submitter has a good grip on who she is or she wouldn’t have put it out to the world :)
November 19, 2008 at 4:19 pm
When the mom says “you’re starting to look like Rosie” I don’t really think she meant her weight….
November 19, 2008 at 4:37 pm
It’s a pity your mom is thinking only of herself and how your joy may reflect on her. I can’t think of anything that would thrill me more than my son and his beau being lucky enough to start a family and be daddy and poppy. Our job as mothers is to give our children two things and those are unconditional love and independence. We raise our kids by giving them tools to use to make their own happy lives once they leave home. We are not here to judge, only support. Your mom is immature and selfish. Honey, ya’ll just come on over to my house for dinner and I’ll have a big hug here waiting for you. I’m sure you’re an absolutely delightful person!
November 19, 2008 at 4:49 pm
I don’t think she meant weight either when referring to Rosie. Awe! This sucks! I hope Mom comes to terms with this soon. I do love that you posted this and said your Mom was a *bit dramatic*.
November 19, 2008 at 4:59 pm
I’m really glad you can share this.
November 19, 2008 at 5:44 pm
How sad. Your mom should be thankful you are alive, healthy and happy.
You go girl and live your life. Be happy!
November 19, 2008 at 7:33 pm
I have two young daughters and my initial thought was, “Thank goodness that won’t ever be my reaction if they have that news.”
My own mother was once over an hour late to pick us up at the airport at Thanksgiving and another passenger looked over and said, “That’s what Thanksgiving is for, to make us thankful that we don’t live in the same town as our families.” Amen!
November 19, 2008 at 10:03 pm
I’m so sorry you have to go through that sort of thing hun. Sexual preference shouldn’t be such a big deal. Neither should your weight, unless it’s damaging to your health. You are who you are, and parents and those who love you should accept you as a whole.
However, I understand that a lot of people in previous generations see evil in it. I came out to my mom about swinging both ways and she was disgusted with me. She asked me ‘Have you ever even been with a woman?’ I nodded and she called me disgusting.
But after the initial shock of it…about a year later, she’s more open to me. Hopefully your mother will swallow her cruel opinions and learn to continue on loving you for who you are.
November 19, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Oh this is not funny at all. She should watch “For the Bible tells me so”. It’s a documentary and there’s a really touching story of a mother who learned to accept her daughter’s sexuality only once she had killed herself. So sad. No wonder Prop 8 passed.
November 20, 2008 at 1:47 am
I don’t know how this daughter could possibly choose life as a Rosie O’Donnell look-a-like manhater, when clearly her mother has given her the example of how happy, well-adjusted, and compassionate a married hetero woman always is.
November 20, 2008 at 2:12 am
My mom’s biggest thing is that she would be sad if me or my brothers were gay ONLY because it would make our lives more difficult…NEVER because of who we love…and I have “loved” some crappy ones. be happy and healthy, that’s all you can do!!!
and Austin mom — you’re awesome!!! If I didn’t love my mommy so much, I would want you to be my mom:)
November 20, 2008 at 2:13 am
Oh dear, I don’t usually respond to things like these, but this one grabbed my attention.
My youngest daughter came out to me as a lesbian about two years ago, and my only ONLY concern was that she find someone who makes her happy, I don’t care if she’s gay, straight, bi, TG’ed or polka dotted, I just want her to be happy.
Seeing this made me feel very sad for not only the poster, but her Mum.. how sad to close yourself off from your daughters life like that.
November 20, 2008 at 7:10 am
my mom can be a bit dramatic. ya think?!
this looks like a homework assignment for Creative Writing 101.
November 20, 2008 at 8:07 am
Congrats on the new girl friend! I hope you are happy together. It sounds like you have a good grip on life and on how “dramatic” mothers can be. I’m glad you an laugh.
November 20, 2008 at 9:17 am
Wow. I want to smack that mom. Bitch.
November 20, 2008 at 9:22 am
My mom had this same reaction when I told her about my new girl friend almost 6 years ago plus every time I talked to her on the phone she’d tell me she was praying that I would come around and that the GF would end up in hell. It was horrible and pushed me further towards an unhealthy relationship. Now that the relationship is over and my Mom sees what happened she is so much more understanding about all kinds of stuff. I wish you luck and congrats on the relationship.
Austin Mom – If only my Mom had handled it in the same manner!
November 20, 2008 at 9:34 am
Jeez, Mom! My mom gets self-absorbed like this from time to time, too. Well, here’s hoping she gets over herself, pulls her head out, and remembers that she’s supposed to be supporting her daughter. Big hugs to the submitter!
November 20, 2008 at 10:47 am
I wish all moms could be more like Austin Mom and Boodie. Since I told my mother I was transgendered, she hasn’t spoken or written to me at all.
November 20, 2008 at 12:01 pm
How sad to think a mother would judge her child like this. I hope and pray I don’t react like this over ANYTHING! This just made me cry for you. Live, Love and Laugh with or without your mother.
November 20, 2008 at 12:08 pm
(Hug) to the submitter. I would be happy to have you in my family. Everyone would accept you with open arms.
November 20, 2008 at 12:29 pm
When my mom came out to HER mother in the 1980′s, my grandmother blamed it all on California. She was certain that my mother was straight until she moved from NY to LA. My grandmother also blamed Obama’s election on CA, so there’s that….
I’m sorry that things aren’t ideal right now with your mother, but they might get there. When my mom came out, her family disowned her. 20 years later and my grandmother can tell my mom she loves her. That’s HUGE!
But while your waiting for your mom to come around, remember that your real family are the wonderful people that you CHOOSE to have in your life. They’re the people that I spent my holidays with and they mean more to me than my relatives.
Live life on your terms… be free…
November 20, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Even though 26 people before me said it I have to add one more “Your Mom is the problem and you are a saint for still talking to her.”
Good Luck to you and thanks for being brave enough to post this.
November 20, 2008 at 2:25 pm
While my mom didn’t expressly say those words I know that is exactly what my mom thought when I came out to her. Oh add in, “What will the neighbors think?!”
Stand up for yourself, love is a precious gift and many people don’t ever get it…why should anyone tell you that your love isn’t the right love. If you haven’t heard it listen to the song “She” by Jen Foster — its my I-deserve-love-and-you-can’t-make-me-feel-wrong-about-it song.
November 20, 2008 at 3:01 pm
What is wrong with you people? My son came out to me 3 years ago. (Now, he is HIV positive which totally breaks my heart.) I love him dearly and I talk to him everyday but I do not agree with his lifestyle. That don’t ‘mean I don’t love him. In fact, he is bringing his partner home with him ( I love him too and want the best for him) for Thanksgiving. I still don’t agree with it. God did not design us that way… period. Is there anyone out there that has any moral values these days? In this generation there is no right or wrong. Let me tell you……one day every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. If you don’t like what I’m writing take it up with Him.
November 20, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Homophobia makes Jesus sad. There was a lot of stuff condemned under Old Testament laws that Jesus didn’t insist that we go along with (like mixing your wool and linen fibers in the same garment), and a lot of stuff allowed (like slavery) that good Christians don’t support now. “Love your neighbor” includes ALL the people around you.
December 20, 2010 at 3:17 pm
Lisa,
Jesus Christ made your son the way he is.
November 20, 2008 at 4:11 pm
No! That is not true. When sin came in the world through Adam and Eve’s sinning….that is where it “all” began. (All meaning…sin…)
November 20, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Lisa, if God is love, then God stands up for love wherever it is found.
Do you think God would want you to judge or to accept? If you believe in God, surely it is God’s place to judge, not yours.
November 20, 2008 at 4:38 pm
God is love AND God is just. Don’t forget your Old Testament.
November 20, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Lisa,
You are worse than the OP’s mother–at least she is honest about her bigotry. You hide yours behind a thinly veiled “love” for your son and Bible Thumping.
November 20, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Lisa,
Doesn’t the bible also say, Let he who is without sin cast the first stone?? Who are you to say what is right and wrong??
Accept your son.
Just accept him.
November 20, 2008 at 5:35 pm
Honey, it is not my job to judge someone’s salvation. I can’t possibly know someone’s heart. As far as, comparing someone’s actions with the Word of God and what it says about it……I have an obligation to speak up and especially to my very own son. I love him with all my heart and nothing can change that. God is love……he sent his one and only Son into the world to reconcile us to Himself.
November 20, 2008 at 5:37 pm
How somebody can call themselves Christian and think a parent saying something like that to their child is acceptable is beyond me. People who use religion as proof that it is ok to spread hate and bigotry infuriate me.
November 20, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Kate, Anne and Carrie J – thank you.
Laura, the New Testament makes a point of saying that God wants people to love each other, not spend their time judging and playing “eye for an eye”.
Lisa, please don’t call me “honey”. Here are a couple of quotes for you:
“In reality, there are no biblical literalists, only selective literalists. By abolishing slavery and ordaining women, millions of Protestants have gone far beyond biblical literalism. It’s time we did the same for homophobia.” William Sloane Coffin
Do you also support slavery?
“Homosexuality and sodomy are not ethical sins. No one is being hurt, no one is being cheated, nobody’s rights are being infringed upon. Homosexuality is a religious sin, analogous to other Biblical prohibitions, like not eating the carcass of a dead animal, or not sleeping with a woman during her menstrual cycle.” Rabbi Shmuley Boteach
I’m sure that as a good Christian, you would not cast the first stone in judgement of some else unless you are yourself free of any and all “sins” that the bible considers major and minor.
Stop wasting your emotional energy on this and start loving your son for who he is.
November 20, 2008 at 6:39 pm
If everybody was gay or lesbian what would happen to the population of this world? There would be no babies born and we as a race would eventually die out and become extinct. God did not intend for the same sex to marry. He made them male and female for a reason, to procreate and continue the human race. To endorse same sex marriage sounds a lot like people want to see humans just disappear and die off. I do not want my kids growing up in a world where they would never know the job of having kids of their own, to watch them grow up and become productive adults contributing to society.
November 20, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Jeffrey,
How does “everybody” being gay or lesbian enter into the discussion?
Some are, some aren’t. If you’re against gay marriage then don’t marry one.
November 20, 2008 at 7:18 pm
Jeffery,
I’m straight and don’t want to have children, ever. Does that mean I’m going against what God wanted for me or against the purpose for which I was created? Frankly I believe that God wants us to be happy and if that means loving someone of the same sex then so be it.
The human population isn’t going to die off because some people are gay.
November 20, 2008 at 8:12 pm
I can’t imagine how the life of your son or daughter becomes a political or religious issue. This is your child, why can’t you just love them and want them to be happy?
And love is love no matter which appendages you and partner may or may not have.
November 20, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Amen.
November 20, 2008 at 8:45 pm
jeffrey, endorsing gay marriage does not cause people to become gay. I do not believe that my God would hate gay marriage either…He probably hates it as much as marriages between people who have committed other sins, such as lying or theft. Imagine if someone proposed that people with a criminal record could not get married. Also, you should really get in touch on the literature of the sexuality and the brain, particularly the sexually dimorphic nuclei in the brain. That might give you a bit more insight on God’s creations.
November 20, 2008 at 9:25 pm
btw, I am a different lisa than the one that starts with a capital letter…haha.
November 20, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Elizabeth….
Why is it so hard to understand? I do love my son….but I don’t agree with him. Because God’s word says it’s wrong…It’s wrong….it don’t make a rip what I think. It does matter what God says in his word. Now, if you don’t govern your life first of all in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ….then you can’t begin to understand. Why is it okay for you to have your beliefs and it’s not for me? It don’t mean I don’t love and want the best for my son. We have a great relationship. I go to Chicago and visit him and his friends and we have a great time. In fact, they threw a party for me while I was there. So basically, we can agree to disagree. Yet, I will never give up praying.
November 20, 2008 at 10:37 pm
I personally don’t care whether lisa or jeffrey or anybody thinks being gay is right or wrong, just keep it to themselves and don’t express it in a violent or confrontational way.
Homosexuality is present in the animal kingdom too you know, some think its a genetic trait.
Its also present in world history in all cultures and regions.
Besides what’s the big deal? Worry about your own character.
November 20, 2008 at 11:27 pm
Ps. Lisa could have done a lot worse. Sounds like she’s being a good mother. Its not like she sent him to a deprogramming camp. (I hope) SHe agrees to disagree and doesn’t make him feel awful and she still tries to keep a relationship with him AND HIS PARTNER! I’m gay and though i dont agree with her views (at ALL) I’m not going to trash her on the internet.
November 20, 2008 at 11:31 pm
Gay people can have babies too. It just takes more thought and effort.
November 20, 2008 at 11:34 pm
What I don’t understand about what you’re saying, Lisa, is why “I love my son” has to be followed by “but.” Are you afraid that if you don’t condemn his choice, it will somehow reflect on you, or that you’ll seem to support it. (Whether homosexuality is a choice is another matter, but even if it is, what difference does that make? Faith is a choice, too. Don’t you want to have your choices respected?) I don’t remember Jesus saying “but” after “love.”
Why not try, “I don’t agree with his choices, but I love my son”? It would be a step in the right direction.
November 21, 2008 at 1:56 am
JM
In responding to this blog, I am trying to convey my feelings and beliefs so that is where…..I love my son but comes from. It’s not like every time I see or talk to my son I say….I love you…BUT.
We rarely even talk about our differences. He knows and I know what we each believe. Honestly, I feel like we are in the right direction.
I usually only read blogs and have never responded to any. This has been an eye opening experience.
November 21, 2008 at 6:33 am
Lisa- I’m sorry to say but if you read all the comments before the one that you first posted and realised that they were all very supportive towards the poster, then you have to realise that your differing opinion is going to come under attack.
I commend you for accepting what you cannot change but please do not hide behind religious diatribe. This post was meant to show how silly some parents can be about their intolerance towards what they cannot change about their children. Your comments show how mean and nasty you can be towards someone you don’t even know. I hope your eyes are open, yes people will disagree with you if you insult them.
November 21, 2008 at 9:06 am
What so many people forget is that the Bible was written by human men, and we only have their word for it that God told them what to write.
November 21, 2008 at 9:19 am
Lisa: I’m glad you have a positive day-to-day relationship with your son. A lot of parents who have the same beliefs as you would exclude or condemn him actively, so for that I think you’re making a great choice.
You keep going back to the bible, and my point is that you are picking and choosing which PARTS of to believe. The passages in the OT that some believe are against homosexuality can be interpreted in other ways, and are generally considered minor “sins” (rules about cleanliness, etc.) Unless you keep all of these rules, as well as support many other things we now consider socially unacceptable and just plain wrong (i.e. slavery, stoning, etc.), then I don’t think that speaking out against homosexuality on this basis is a defensible position. If you aren’t comfortable with homosexuality, that’s your opinion, but don’t look to God to legitimize your choice. God gave you a big heart and a big brain, and expects you to use them.
Victor: Lisa can’t read everyone’s comments supporting the original poster and expect that no one will take issue with her position. Come on! And as nice as her relationship with her son may be, on some level I assume he does not feel fully accepted by her – because he isn’t. I can’t stand back and say nothing.
November 21, 2008 at 10:28 am
Well, Lisa, I have to say that I don’t think you’ll find your experience here typical. So far, everyone here who has disagreed with you has done so in a thoughtful way, without making ad hominem attacks or using vulgar language, and has used complete sentences. I’m actually very impressed at the tone of this discussion.
The response you’ve gotten here is especially impressive considering that you came into a discussion where people were trying to offer kind support to a stranger in a difficult situation, and started off by saying, “What is wrong with you people?” and questioning everyone’s morality. This was not a debate about the morality of homosexuality, so your comment was off-topic; also, and please believe me when I say this, no one who responded to the submitter with words of support is going to be surprised to learn that some people think that homosexuality is wrong. Everyone knows that. No one is going to have a sudden epiphany because a stranger on the Internet calls them immoral. Truly, we have heard it all before.
If you continue to comment on blogs and such in the future, you’ll have a better time if you at least stay on topic.
November 21, 2008 at 11:14 am
THIS IS TERRIBLE TO READ GOOD LUCK TO THE SUBMITTER WITH HER MOM….THERE IS A GOOD BOOK TO READ RE: THIS MATTER ITS CALLED HIP HOP HOMOPHOBES BY KHALIL AMIN I JUST BOUGHT IT LAST WEEK AS A E BOOK EXPLAINS ALOT ABT GAY / LESBIANS ARE FACED IN THE COMMUNITY ALSO XPLAINS ALOT ABT BIBLE PASSAGES I THINK LISA SHLD READ IT AND GET HER BIBLE FACTS STRAIGHT.
November 21, 2008 at 11:42 am
Wow, submitter, I’m so sorry to read that. I came out to my parents 3 years ago and they have been my biggest supporters, I am very fortunate. But I have had partners and close friends who have not been as lucky, coming from very conservative families who had no tolerance at all for their “lifestyle choice”.
All I can say is that we are all in this together, and when you can’t lean on your family, lean on your allies. We are everywhere.
Best of luck to you and your new girlfriend : )
November 21, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Lisa, I agree with you. I appreciate your boldness in this issue. As a parent the hardest thing you can do is be at odds with your child. Just because you don’t approve of the behavior doesn’t mean you don’t love him with all your heart. No one else seems to see that about you.
Elizabeth, God was and is and is to come. He doesn’t change. Our society does. He is constant. We are fickle. He is holy. We are sinners. Myself included. Sin is simply falling short. Telling someone about Christ is a healed blind man leading another blind man to the doctor. Thank goodness some parents are still willing to do that for their children. Why is it okay for you to judge this mom but not okay for her to guide her own child? Or speak publicly about it without your judgement? I don’t understand the fairness of your reasoning. I honestly feel more condemnation coming from your entries than from hers.
November 21, 2008 at 3:43 pm
You know what I find interesting is that people now rate sin, a little sin, a minor sin, a major sin. In the Bible, sin is sin. Does anybody remember Sodom and Gommorah? And why was it God destroyed them? It wasn’t due to a minor sin. What was going on then is the same thing going on now. God does not change and His judgement will be the same. Unfortunately most who have chosen that lifestyle will only find out after it is much to late to do anything about it. I also see a huge lack of faith when it comes to believing in what the Bible does say. I see a mother trying to do her best to love her son and at the same time gently guide him to a place where he can see the error in his choice. ok, that said lets hear it folks!!!
November 21, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Laura, if God doesn’t change at all, some of the things that happen in the bible are wrong. You can’t have both. There are many contradictions, and the God of the OT is much different than the God of the NT. As I’ve said before, if at one time God was for slavery and many other things we now consider unjust, then according to your logic, God must still be for those things of the bible is 100% literally true.
I’m not trying to judge, I am simply saying that Lisa’s rejection of her son’s sexuality isn’t based on anything other than her preconceptions. If that comes across as judgemental, I suppose if there is one thing I am comfortable with being considered judgemental about, it is lack of acceptance of people’s diversity.
You argue that “telling someone about Christ is a healed blind man leading another blind man to the doctor. Thank goodness some parents are still willing to do that for their children.” Why is her version of Christ the correct one? Can I not lead someone who I perceive as blind to the doctor as well?
November 21, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Wow! I’ve been following this since it was first posted and was, at first, impressed by how supportive it was. I’m amazed that it’s been turned into a soapbox about God, erroneous Biblical references, and “lifestyle choices.” (Please, my gay child no more chose to be gay than I chose to be straight – can we quit using that word?)
This whole discussion has prompted me to go to each of my children – 1 who is gay and 2 who are straight – and tell them I love them for who they are and feel blessed and grateful to have them. And I think we, as a family, are all better people because of my gay child – we are more open, loving, welcoming, empathetic, caring, kindhearted people.
November 21, 2008 at 4:31 pm
MamaG, I think that is the perfect end to this thread.
November 21, 2008 at 4:41 pm
My mom just said to me that I’m with a woman because I dont love myself and think no man will want me. I dont know whether to laugh or cry. I’m with a woman because I love women, not because I hate men.
November 21, 2008 at 7:33 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWqgD7lGneU&eurl=http://johnnyyen.blogspot.com/
This is for Lisa and everyone else out there using hte Bible as an excuse for their hatred.
November 22, 2008 at 3:16 am
hang in there, submitter. best wishes to you and whomever you are blessed to love and who loves you.
btw, i’m a christian. i completely believe that god and christ are okay with same-sex love. (of course, some other christians will say i must not be a real christian then. whatevs.)
November 23, 2008 at 12:49 am
aww hang in there. tell your mom the story of how rosie o’donnells inlaws took the news. they just told rosie & kelly to buy houses next to each other, and they can be best friends and neighbours…..rosie’s mother inlaw took along time to get used to the idea…it took a few years but they got over it.
November 26, 2008 at 9:14 pm
My heart goes out to you”Submitter”. Your Mother created and gave you life but does not have the right to deny you your own belief or happiness. It is bizarre to me that instead of embracing you and accepting you she attempts to fill you with Guilt for being less than what SHE thinks you should be (heterosexual). I agree she has a hole in her soul but I do not feel you placed it there. It is her flaw and you do not own it. Live your life, be the Happiest person YOU can be, Love who you want to Love and let no one stand in your way. I applaud those who came to post here offering Support and Positivity. I cant help but question those who used this as a forum to offer the same your Mother offers. More of the same. They have a right to their beliefs but perhaps God given human compassion could prevail. I believe in God and he loves both of my Children regardless of their choice of who they Love.(((hugs)))
January 15, 2009 at 10:12 pm
old and tired topic –
christians: has it occurred to you that not everyone is christian…some people don’t even believe in a god! *gasp*
you can’t judge everyone by your values. it’s incredibly egotistical.
i also believe they should separate church and state. it is not fair to judge everybody by christian laws when the christians themselves can’t even agree on them.
and do you really believe god is some hateful malignant creature who is sitting up in heaven just waiting to smite his children for their transgressions?
March 31, 2009 at 1:56 am
Wow sounds just like my mother. But, I never though it was going to get better. I came out 8 years ago and have been with my wife for 5yrs. Just last Sunday she finally said, “I love you no matter what. And I will accept you and her if it means that I wont loose you. So I guess you can bring your ‘friend’ over”
Have hope!
April 6, 2009 at 7:27 pm