Backstory: please note: my mom is NOT a psychologist, counselor, or anything of the like that would warrant her holding some kind of ‘seminar’ for us.

I have an idea for a communications/empathy seminar for the 2 of us ([your husband] could be there too)  that would take maybe half an hour if you’re interested.

I think I’ll get the tree the 6th or 7th.

Thanks for the baby doodads.

l,
M

Well i have 2 more bookkeeping clients to finish, then i have to go home and make a kranz, clean the floor again, make your bed, cover the presents in my closet, clean my bathroom, and watch your flight online. lol.  kinda like a package arriving.  I WILL BE TRACKING YOU.

Just wanted to let you know that my school’s filtering system would not allow me to look at the website you sent me for the following reason: lingerie, nudity, swimsuits.  I AM scared!!  I wrote down the website and I’ll try at home or maybe Dad can tell me about it!

Luv Ya,  Mom

Yay! Congratulations on your first extermination experience. I am so happy to know that your college years will be filled with memorable times like these. Remember these words of wisdom from your mother……A dead roach is a good roach!

Now about that sponge. This is one of those times I like to say, “what the @&*!” Do you really think Matt is going to wake up and say, “Gee wiz, I think I better go buy a new sponge and go clean that sink.” REALLY? You may feel the cold frosty air of hell freezing over before that happens.

So yes, add rubber gloves to the list along with a gas mask and go attack the bathroom. Thanks for sharing!

Love you,
Mom

Backstory: My mom has trouble properly spelling words while texting. Also, this text is about her childhood milkman who she ran into at the Doctor’s office

Oh yes   i wood recognize hin anywhere   hes uery speciaj

I just got great news. My skin lesion is benign! Thank God. I was sweating that one out. Of course, now I have a new injury. I was  exercising to a show on TV and I went into  the coffee  table. I have a bruise on my leg that looks like I have two knees. That’s what exercise will do for you! That will teach me. Have a great day! Love you, Mom

Backstory: My mom can be a bit dramatic.  When I told her about my new girlfriend, she didn’t take the news very well. (Also, I am half the size of Rosie O’Donnell.)

A veil of intense sorrow descends whenever you even mention it. LIke a shroud that weighs a million poounds. You are already startign to look like Rosie . YOu just don’t see it. BUt everyone else does.  And the thought of raising children with mom and mommy. My heart is broken.  I have a hole in my soul.
And you are becoming a male hater.
I don’t want to finger point. YOu don’t see it. Dad made that comment unsolicited. Belive me, we do not discuss this. Not ever. THe pain is too great for me.  I weep as I write this.

Backstory: I asked my mom what she wanted for Christmas.

WII not sure how to spell it but it sounds like “WEE.”  It sounds so cool with exercise and sports games to use and move your body to.

omg

first sophie and now solomon???!!! Did you already know this? Solomon died!!!!!

Poor, poor Oprah. The terrible tragedy of it all.

Maybe she’ll finally wise up and get a Berner. Oh, no. That’s right, We do NOT want that. Never mind

Hugs

mom

so i am going to pay for tires for your brother. i am not going to allow him to drive on those roads. the rain is hitting and there is no way i want him on the road.
dont have kids. you cant afford them.
i will just have granddogs. i am fine with that.  :)

Thank you, my beautiful baby, my favorite lawyer, my pride, my only reason for living up until now (I don’t know about when you have kids).

Thanks for helping me with my legal issue, don’t leave me ALONE, please

Thank your husband, take care of yourselves and love each other .

When is Ali’s wedding??

Ciao

Hi Sweetie,

don’t think I’ve not been in touch cos you had a tattoo. I have in fact been off sick this week (full of a cold) and didn’t come in to work.

Naturally, I think it was a really bad idea but it’s your body after all. What was it? A bleeding heart, a dragon or the word ‘mother’ written across your chest? Never mind, it’ll serve you well if you ever want a job on a building site.

How are things with you?

here are some ideas

1. drink more chamomile tea or water
2. do gentle exercising like yoga or walking
3. call yo momma

4. email yo momma
5. cry, scream, or etc. maybe while watching a sad movie or is Saw V too much?

6. call your mother
7. email your mother.

8. be even more healthy than you already are
9. i used counseling several times in my life (premarital, family as you know)

10 call me, email me, study russian, read, pray a lot

it sounds like it is hormonal/chemical so what can you do?  just be
extra good to yourself and don’t get too thin – stay like you are now
- you are totally beautiful!

In the just so you know category……..
When your dad and I got married a somewhat cheesy friend of his had a stock the bar party for us.  The most AWFUL thing we got was a liquor decanter that had a naked cherub on top – the liquor came out of his you-know-what.  I was horrified and i’m not exactly sure what I said, but I think it wasn’t very appreciative.  It didn’t last long – I gave it to someone who was going to a white elephant gift party that wasn’t church related.

Backstory: I am thinking about getting an iphone, and I have a history of breaking computers/cell phones. My mom clearly thinks I cannot handle the responsibility.

remember the activity about carrying  around a raw egg for 3 days
the iphone is like that   haha

also with your ADD- can you stay on task and away from all of its entertaiment offerings?

only you know the answer to that

look at all the high end phones and make a decision
love
mom