The Perfect Two-Dimensional Man

mom: I found the perfect guy for you!
me: oh really?
mom: YES! He’s Jewish. He’s a doctor. And he’s really cute.
me: that sounds perfect. what’s his name?
mom: I don’t remember, I have to look it up.
me: where are you looking it up?
mom: On the internet.
me: on the internet?
mom: He is a character from this movie I watched with Sheri, “In Her Shoes.”
me: he’s a character from a movie?
mom: Yes, but he’s so cute.
me: he’s not a real person.
mom: I can just tell he’s a very nice boy.
me: you’re delusional.
mom: I’m only thinking of you.

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    • 1.  Jackie

      Ahhh bless her! A fictional character??? I hear that nice man from CSI is available too LOL!

      December 16, 2008 at 1:27 pm

    • 2.  meredith

      mom…? is that you…? oh, no, I’m sorry – my mom thinks i’m going to marry derek jeter. when i don’t, i hope she doesn’t get as mad as the time tiger woods married someone else.

      December 16, 2008 at 2:13 pm

    • 3.  Mary

      HAH! My mother did this to me once, too. “Now him – that’s the kind of guy you should go after!”, referring to Matt Damon while we watched Good Will Hunting years ago. Not the character he played, mind you. She meant Matt. Thanks, Mom! Very helpful.

      December 16, 2008 at 8:58 pm

    • 4.  Keely

      My guy was a real person at least, but a year after I took my job I found out my grandma had been talking amongst other family members of her plans for me to marry the guy who owns the company I work for. She was very disappointed when I told her he was dating someone.

      December 17, 2008 at 12:18 pm

    • 5.  Elsa

      That guy was so cute! Your mom and I can track him down, fictional character or no.

      December 17, 2008 at 9:06 pm

    • 6.  oneinten

      hiLARious. thank you

      December 18, 2008 at 1:03 pm

    • 7.  JakeXFloch

      Good site you possess here.. It’s difficult to find top quality writing like yours nowadays.

      I seriously appreciate people such as you! Be careful!!

      June 5, 2016 at 11:59 am

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Love, Mom