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Backstory: This is my mother trying to dissuade me from going out to the gay club.
Been there done that with the first wave or transgenders: Wayne then Jayne County
Candy Darling…those shims were insane. They had crushes on Dad. Performing at the Mudd Club on the lower East Side when the Lower East was baaaaad. Combo bikers and addicts.
Backstory: My mom watches my sister’s 2 kids during the day, and the youngest is potty training.
They’ve been pretty good today except Ty can’t learn to point his goober down when he’s on the potty and he pees all over the floor, his clothes, and – if I’m not fast – all over me!! He’s lost all concept of pottying and I have to remind him every 30 minutes or so. I love being a “hands on” grandma!!
I just looked at the weather for Nashville. It is supposed to be 5 degrees there tonight. YIKES!!! It is also going to be VERY COLD the whole time that you are here. What time do you think that you will be home tomorrow? Please take a blanket in the car with you. I don’t want you to be cold. Love you lots. MOM
Backstory: Mom just recently learned to use the term ‘hot mess” and she LOVES it.
me: why did your boyfriend wear a white suit with tennis shoes to the wedding party?
mom: he was a hot mess…someone sh** in our bathroom today…it was a hot mess…all over the seat…we share a bathroom with all the businesses…i can almost smell it through the computer.
me: That is disgusting. What did you do about it? Did you have to call maintenance?
mom: we run and hold our pee all day until the cleaning people show up tonight.
me: run where?
mom: run out of the bathroom and don’t go back
Backstory: I bought my mom Rock Band for Christmas.
mom: good morning son!
me: hey mom
mom: ha
i ROCKed blink 182…shocked RIFF
me: hahahaha
i didn’t even think you knew who they were
mom: my name is Bad Mamma Jamma…..if i hear a tune..i OWN it!!!
me: hahaha
so dad is getting better at guitar?
mom: he
ROCKED
it!!!
see you later …
Not too much is happening. We go to the Club tomorrow for officer installation (yea) and then I’ve been invited to “an afternoon in white” retirement party Sat. (What the heck does that mean?) I am told it is based on something P. Diddy did. The only thing I could find on Google was about a “hissy fit” he threw in Nov. when the all-white decorations for his birthday party were not to his liking. He pulled the gazillion yards of white fabric off the walls. I don’t know what he did to the white roses. Doesn’t anyone know it’s WINTER?
Hi! We wanted to let you guys know about some of the new stuff we’ve got going on.
We also have a Twitter now, at twitter.com/pfyomomma, if you want to follow along from there. And don’t forget about our Facebook group, which you (and your mom because we know she has a Facebook profile) can join here.
And! We’ve set up an Amazon store where you can not only pre-order our book–Love, Mom: Poignant, Goofy, Brilliant Messages from Home–but also buy books by Friends of PFYM, like Passive Aggressive Notes, the Hipster Handbook, and others.
Also! We’re starting to schedule tour dates for the release of our book. (April 1, whee!) If you’d like us to read in your city or at your school, drop us a line at postcardsfromyomomma [at] gmail.com and we’ll try to make it happen.
And of course, if there’s anything else you’d like to see on the site, or any other suggestions you may have, leave ‘em in the comments or send us an email.
Hi
We have hemmorrhoid ointment
do you need the tubes? I have 2 0r 3
Love
Mom
Backstory: One of my friends from work was pregnant and let me tell everyone for her. My gchat status read “Totally not pregnant,” just in case anyone overheard only part of my conversation. Mom is always worried about my physical relationship with my fiance … and it shows.
Mom:what’s with the status? Was there a question or rumor?
Me:Hahahaha. noooo
it’s because of Lindsey
i got to tell everyone on friday
Mom: yeah but why is your status about you being pregnant? I don’t get it
Me:it was just a joke
because i was telling everyone about Lindsey being pregnant
at the office … if people heard me talking babies, i was pointing out that it wasn’t me
chill
Mom:I am
The belt look should always work for you. Works for me. Our bodies, at least our torsos , are identical….plus or minus 32 years!! Our necks differ (mine long hence the turtle necks, yours shorter hence the v-necks). You got the inches from my neck in your legs. Luckier than a long skinny neck. Oh well.
Backstory: I asked my Mom how things were at home, with the family, and this is the update I get.
Saw the Golden Globes…. Lots and lots and lots of grey and flesh colored chiffony one shouldered gowns. Lots and lots and lots. Kate Winslet is a dope. Tina Fey , Alec Baldwin (what a hoot he is-must be smart) Ricky Gervais and Tracey (black guy on 30 Rock) were so funny and apt and cute. Mickey ROurke was shockingly sober and on the mark as far as being thankful, appropriate, a bit funny, a bit irreverent and thorough. I thought he was much more of a derelict.
The other English girl was like Kate Winslet – too overwrought…
Oh my god, I can’t belive this, I should stop talking . again and again and again.
now I am watching endless hours of taped On the REd Carpet specials on every conceivable network. And of course watching illegal tapes of Academy Award still-in=the=theater movies.
I will send you e-mailsssssssssssssss.
Backstory: My parents are dropping off my youngest siblings at my apartment so they can have a night out on the town for Mom’s birthday.
Me: We will plan on early church and then brunch….unless you guys sleep in…which i doubt you will.
Mom: A wild night of sex can get you tired so we may just sleep in.
Backstory: Working in the same office as your mom…
me: wanna go make out in the executive bathroom? i have the key…
Mom: i’m not that easy
me: i’ll throw in a gucci handbag
Mom: throw up in a gucce??!
me: whatever.
Mom: whatever…
I just fell out of my rolling office chair, onto my butt, catching myself on my left arm halfway down, so now my wrist hurts, and the chair then fell on top of me! You guys are missing all the good stuff, the old age stuff. But at least I’ve fallen and I did get up!
Grandma: i really like that apron you got me for Christmas
Me: oh, yeah, no problem, I thought it’d be useful
Grandma: oh sure for when we’re entertaining guests…..or if im just entertaining your grandfather
Me: um…..sounds great
How’s it hanging toots? I want to hear how your first day went. Emz showed me a couple pictures of you on the computer from Prague (nothing bad), You look good, Happy and relaxed or drunk I can’t tell so I’ll go with happy and a little buzzed. This winter sucks so much weather wise. It snowed heavy twice this week and it’s colder than a frozen douche. Sorry I couldn’t resist. I was thinking the other day, I know now the world is in real danger now. Wow , how egotistical is that statement? Life has a habit of becoming what happens to us not what we do. At the risk of sounding like dad “do unto life before it does unto you.” You know it would be funny if after years of Lollyism I turned into a spaceship carrying Scientologist. Thinking back on it, that’s their second commandment after honor L Ron Hubbard and all his cross dressing friends (not that there is any thing wrong with that). Guess what you just called. Gotta go Lilly is on the phone. love mom
Backstory: Our family is picking the NFL playoff winners and we are all diehard Chargers fans. My mother is the only person who didn’t pick them to win.
Ross is also predicting at least one TD by the Chargers defense or special teams. Laurel has a smiley face next to the score on that one. If they lose, I will obviously be blamed for the bad bachi I have inflected via my choice.
Hasty Banana,
Com-Mom
me: i got a new pair of shoes for the fall
I’m sending you a text pic
tell me what you think
mom: on my phone?
me: yes
go look
mom: really nice
me: cute huh?
$40
mom: not your usual fmp style
me: fmp?
mom: hehe
me: fuck me pump?
nice, mom
mom: hehe
bye we are going to watch a movie now
by the way its please not pump
me: ohhh hahahaha
mom: get with it
you are so square
The post man asked me the other day if my name was Yo. Thinking he had lost it and was about to pull out a gun (you’ve heard about postal workers), I stared at him and said, “no, why?”
He said, “Well the return address on this package says ‘Yo Mama’. I thought you must be Yo.”
He must be bored.
Maybe I should start a blog.
Mom: In your blog you have 2 errors in the next to last paragraph. See if you can find them!
Me: Did you even like what I wrote? Silly.
Mom: I love what you wrote, but I do not want a blog relationship with my daughter. Anything you want me to know, you need to call and tell me, and I will give you appropriate feedback. Your generation thinks the computer is the way to cultivate friendships, relationships, love, etc. Not true. The ancient way is best.
Me: Right. And just how many singles web sites do you belong to?
