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I do not know if myreply on the popup communication thinge went thru .If it did I apologise. That was a run on Semi illerate Joycean stream of partial conscionuess. I am retiring upwards. last night PBS TV had an interesting show about the Fate of Franklin in the NWP. Perhaps there may be something about Shackelton or may be even Blogovich he of the iron hair
LOveMom
Ps I do not have the energy to attemp to spell check this.
Mom: So what are you doing for New Year’s Eve?
Me: Heading to Cleveland with some friends.
Mom: Are you going to the Flats?
Me: No, probably heading to the Warehouse District.
Mom: Is that in the Flats?
Me: No, it’s in the Warehouse district.
[lingering inactivity]
Mom: Is that where they do the meth parties?
Me: What now?
Mom: Meth Parties. I heard there are all sorts of meth parties up in Cleveland.
Me: No, no meth parties.
Mom: Just promise me you won’t go to any meth parties. You can’t handle meth.
Me: I promise.
Just a reminder on how ahead of my time I am…
I was watching Letterman last night and Anne Hathaway was on, and she was talking about how Kate Hudson taught her about ‘diet margaritas’. You mix tequila, grand mariner, a little soda, and you queeze in a few lime slices. How long have I been drinking that?!?! For like ever!!
Hi!!!!
From photos alone I prefer Tom, that is if you asked me which I thought was “cuter”!!!
Ian looks very Scottish – is he? and I don’t like big eyebrows!!!
Tom in the first photo looks like Rupert Everett – and we know how sexy he is!!!
Mind you looks a not at all important it is the person inside that matters and not having met them I cannot comment on that. I have faith in your decision.
This is very creepy.
Love you heaps,
Mum
Dad wanted to set up the new tv…which is pretty cool. Anyway, in his hurry to get rid of the tree, after he removed the lights, he opened the back door and threw it out. We look so ghetto!
Also, I’m trying to talk Dana into talking her friend into putting the old tv in the back of her pickup truck with the hope being that someone will steal it. Sadly, both Dana and Dad don’t want to do it. Mom
Mom: So, I have some relationship advice for you.
Me: Yes?
Mom: Don’t marry anyone you’re not attracted to.
Me: WHAT?
Mom: Actually, don’t even date them.
Me: Is this supposed to be news?
Mom: Well, my marriage might have worked out a little better if I had actually been attracted to your father.
Me: WHAT?
Mom: Yeah, he looked like this guy I knew in high school who was really nice but not attractive at all. But I thought he would be a good father.
Me: I still can’t believe it took you 47 years to figure out that it might be a good idea to be attracted to the person you marry.
Mom: Well no one ever told me!
hey check out my new profile pic. It’s me and Laura’s right boob! Who looks best!
Dearest Children, This is just a reminder that your Mommy loves you. I have also developed a three month strategic plan for my e-mail machine. This month, I will learn how to make paragraphs. Next month, I will learn how to do text messages and IM’s. In February, you will be pleased to know that I plan to go on Facebook and MySpace so that we will all become Friends(BF’s) and Buddies and be able to write on each other’s walls. What fun! I love you and am proud of you all!- GTG Love, Mommy
me: There was a woman that used to work here (she was let go) her last name was Colon. Not the nicest sounding name, but I just found out that she pronounced it “Cologne”
mom: oh! poor girl
like a doctor we used to have Annis and I pronounced it wrong one time!
Me: Be very careful when you take your shower, I spilled some baby oil.
Mom: What? Don’t oil up the shower, do you want me to fall and die like Jett Travolta?
Me: too soon.
Backstory: This was mom’s rant about her bosses the day she quit her job at the local newspaper.
I told my boss he was a soul-less suit and walked out. He’s such a tool. He has his head so far up Nancy’s ass and she’s just an old, bitchy, dried-out-uterus hag!
Backstory: I replaced my mother’s old dirty smelly rice-filled neck comfort wrap with a new one. when i went to throw out the old one, she tackled me claiming there is still use in it. She proceeded to chase me around the house for 15 mins tearing at my hair to get it back.
Dear Daughter,
Happiness is having daughters who are accomplished. Who are doing what they want to do in their careers and are very happy doing it.
You have required so little of me in your push and drive in becoming independent adults.
Now if you can be successful in beating mom at wrestling and finding my old smelly rice bed buddy :)
mother
Backstory: While IM-ing about nothing in particular, my mom decided to drop a BTW. I should know by now, his is usually a precursor to a disastrous non sequitur, often of a sexual nature….
Mom: btw
Me: yes…
Mom: we are not fans of the his/hers ky jelly!!
we paid $18
Me: oh wow
Mom: to try it and it sucks
Me: you should email them
Mom: don’t get it
Me: ky i mean
Mom: it’s awful
Me: get a refund
Mom: I will
I know
Backstory: There’s never an inappropriate time to use quote “So I married an axe murderer” to poke fun at the size of someone’s face. Jealousy does hilarious things to mom.
Mom: I was reading the local newspaper online and saw this little article in the “Who’s news” section [link to story about a girl I knew in high school meeting Johnny Depp]. She must’ve graduated a year before you but she went to your high school, so you might know her. Lucky little puke!
Me: Yea I know who she is. People I know used the code name Miss Piggy when referring to her because of the obvious resemblence. Not in a mean way, though.
Mom: Yeah, you’re right! Must be the big-ass face on her…
“I’m not kidding, that girl’s head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts! She’ll be crying herself to sleep tonight, on her huge pilla.”
A bear got into the Walgreens entrance on Thurs. night. He got thru the first set of automatic doors, but got stuck in the second set. He ripped the door off the tracks trying to get out. In all of the commotion, the outer doors opened again, and he ran out instead of in. The clerk by the front register was in his first day of employment! Your dad said he was some 17 yr old HS kid.
We’ll try calling on Wed. We hope school is going well
Love, Mom
Hey lil I sense a transition coming up…..we know how good we are with those….you K? love you miss you gotta go oatmeal is burning. hey it didn’t send. Oatmeal disaster averted. Dad says “BLAH BLAH BLAH hi, I love you lil” I just wrote the important stuff. Now. I’ve scorched the oatmeal. I was up late last night counting my blessings (at the risk of sounding like a douche) somewhere around toilet paper I fell asleep. I woke up wondering why I get in my own way so much of the time. The only thing I can think of is… I am a douche. Sorry about so much douche but it makes me smile every time I type it. douche douche douche she typed laughing like an idiot. In short don’t be a douche like your mom. AND if for some reason your feeling down or doubtful or numb type douche it works for me. Well that is enough motherly wisdom for one email. now it’s time to eat my now cold oatmeal. love ya doll mom
Mom: Oh, our new e-mail address is RDSmith69@—-.com
Me: does the 69 stand for something in particular, or is that dad being perverse?
Mom: You never know with him. He set it up, so use your imagination! :-)
Me: sick
Backstory: My mom loves to follow up on everything going on in the news, right now she is watching the Kaylee Anthony case.
Casey’s brother is in trouble, aiding and albeiting his whore sister
mom: did you know “junior” was filmed in sfo
me: haha, lots of movies were
mom: ha ha…arnold is getting pregnant
mom: he’s hot
me: ew!
mom: [sends me nude picture of arnold schwarzenegger]
me: mom! i’m at work
mom: oh
Backstory: This was my mother’s response to my asking what her new year’s resolutions are. Obviously, she’s a little bitter over my busy lifestyle!
To improve my health. You should pray that I stay healthy. If I get sick, I won’t want you around. No time for me when I’m well… you live with it. Your choice.
