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Backstory: I neglected to call my mom to let her know that my plane had landed safely after a visit home. as usual, she fears the worst…
me: hey, are you there?
mom: yes
mom: are you alive?
me: yes
mom: you didn’t call so I thought you crashed
me: i think you would have heard if i’d crashed
mom: you couldn’t be identified you were so mangled
Today is a Holy Day of Obligation
Love
M-
Backstory: My mom probably hasn’t listened to anything besides Christian and/or country music for the past twenty years.
Mom: Have you heard of Kanye West?
Me: Umm, yes?
Mom: Have you heard his new CD? Track 11?
Me: Yes, I have heard it, but I don’t know that song… why?
Mom: Well your sister played it for me and I LOVE IT. I made her put it on my computer.
Me: hahaha hahahahahahhaa
Mom: What?
Me: That’s just… random.
Mom: Is he someone bad? What, is this the same as if I liked Eminem or something?
OK, so the temp. is 10 degrees with a wind chill of 8 degrees below zero right now. It is too fucking cold and snowy and windy.
Happy Fuckin New Year!!!! Woop Dee Doo!!!!
I’m freezing my ass off,
Mom
Mom: May I suggest boots/sturdy shoes for the walk tonight from your car to my front door? Sorry if this offends you, but I don’t want you to lose a pair of shoes. The snow that was there this morning may melt into ice or just freeze in place. Either way, it will be wet. Please place a rawhide in your pocket to leave with me for Archie. I checked my supplies this morning, and that’s all I need. Thanks.
Me: I’ve been wearing snowboots every time I step outside. Thank you for your concern.
Mom: I apologized in advance for my comment. Please remember the rawhide.
