I am making a New Year’s Resolution, to try very very very hard to be the mother that you want me to be. I will not offer any advice on any matter, unless it is requested. And then I will advise very cautiously, so as not to overstep your limits of desired information. I will not talk about people or things you don’t want to hear about, or at least as long as I am aware of those things or people. These resolutions should allow you to decide where in your life if at all you wish me to be. What this means of course, is that I will not be able to call you very much, because there would be nothing for me to call about. So you will have to initiate calls. That will make it easier for me to adhere to my resolutions. If I accidentally write things in emails that are inappropriate, you can blast me back, like you usually do, and that should shut me up, and get me back on track. But I promise, I will do my very best to stay out of your life the way you want me to. Love you, Mom
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"My grandma is always talking about all of these low-fat recipes she makes, then criticizes me for not slathering butter all over the bread when I make grilled cheese."
— Josh
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- Butt Dialing, Septic Tanks, Valentines. (4)
- How Mom REALLY Feels About Sesame Street (2)
- The Joys of Aging (1)
- Anj: Oh dear. 62 is not old! :) LOL on the bowels…
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Past 7 Days
Past 30 Days
6 Months
All Time
- 1. Way Harsh, Mom +8
- 2. How Mom REALLY Feels About Sesame Street +7
- 3. I Have Fun Too +3
- 4. In Case of Charles Manson +2
- 1. Good Luck with Your Mutant Ear +17
- 2. Do You Need Therapy Now? +10
- 3. The Joys of Aging +9
- 4. New Year, New ‘Do +9
- 5. We’re Gone For A Day, We Might Die +8
- 6. Way Harsh, Mom +8
- 7. Christ in a Clown Suit +7
- 8. Happy Milk Day +7
- 9. How Mom REALLY Feels About Sesame Street +7
- 10. Butt Dialing, Septic Tanks, Valentines. +5
- 1. Climbing & Unwrapping Are Skills of Mine +30
- 2. Flip Flops, Taco Bell–Your Generation’s Going to Hell +26
- 3. Patience Is a Virtue +22
- 4. What is a “Cannabis User”? +22
- 5. I Didn’t Just Fall Off the Turnip Truck +21
- 6. You’re the Best Adult Vomiter I Know +21
- 7. If I Die, Tell Them What I Ate +20
- 8. Have I lost my “Hotness” ? +19
- 9. Trick or Treat? +19
- 10. Your New Criteria: No Prison Record, Not a Lawyer +18
- 1. Don’t Passive-Aggressive-Smile-Face-ME +1496
- 2. Mom, Dad and Facebook: A Dangerous Combo +1162
- 3. Get me out of here! +1054
- 4. Hear me…RABBITS. +1015
- 5. The Grown-Ass Woman’s Club +1014
- 6. What Mom Learned From AARP +973
- 7. Sometimes a Snake is Just a Snake +950
- 8. How to Save Your Marriage +910
- 9. Spring Cleaning? +871
- 10. What Men Want +813
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Past 7 Days
Past 30 Days
6 Months
All Time
- 1. How Mom REALLY Feels About Sesame Street (2)
- 2. I Have Fun Too (0)
- 3. Way Harsh, Mom (0)
- 4. I Have Fun Too (0)
- 5. In Case of Charles Manson (0)
- 6. In Case of Charles Manson (0)
- 7. Mom's Hip with the Lingo (0)
- 8. Mom's Hip with the Lingo (0)
- 1. Butt Dialing, Septic Tanks, Valentines. (4)
- 2. Christ in a Clown Suit (3)
- 3. Seth Rogen, the Thinking Mom's Sex Symbol (2)
- 4. Do You Need Therapy Now? (2)
- 5. How Mom REALLY Feels About Sesame Street (2)
- 6. We're Gone For A Day, We Might Die (1)
- 7. The Joys of Aging (1)
- 8. Good Luck with Your Mutant Ear (0)
- 9. New Year, New 'Do (0)
- 10. Good Luck with Your Mutant Ear (0)
- 1. What is a "Cannabis User"? (9)
- 2. If I Die, Tell Them What I Ate (7)
- 3. Hurricane Preparedness (5)
- 4. Call Me Crazy (5)
- 5. It's Not Called Mom's Nipple Book (5)
- 6. Mom's Mind Is Out to Sea (5)
- 7. Your New Criteria: No Prison Record, Not a Lawyer (4)
- 8. The Great Paranoid Pumpkin (4)
- 9. Dude!! It's Your Daughter's Wedding. (4)
- 10. Butt Dialing, Septic Tanks, Valentines. (4)
- 1. Where Are You From? (182)
- 2. Today in Mom News: How Did You Choose Your Child's Name? (132)
- 3. First You Pierce Your Nose, Then You Have Illegitimate Children (98)
- 4. Grandma Can't Be Bothered? (77)
- 5. Don't Passive-Aggressive-Smile-Face-ME (76)
- 6. Does Your Mom Buy You Undies Every Year? (72)
- 7. And you are becoming a male hater (70)
- 8. Who is the Baby Daddy? (57)
- 9. Mom the Grammar Nazi (52)
- 10. The Grown-Ass Woman's Club (49)
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Wow, Kid you have really upset her this time. Time to start squirming.
February 28, 2009 at 4:35 pm
Yes, you are obviously a bad child undeserving of such a wonderful mother. Whatever you did to earn this postcard will be brought up to you again and again and again…
If I were you I’d go crawling back to her and ask for her interference in every facet of your life. You’d be better off. LOL
February 28, 2009 at 7:40 pm
Wow! Is Mom a bit passive aggressive? Seriously, do you need this kind of sarcasm from someone you love?
February 28, 2009 at 7:57 pm
Actually I was thinking it was kind of sad. I mean, I’ve gotten this from my mom in the past and in retrospect, she was completely on point.
February 28, 2009 at 9:47 pm
Nah…sounds like MY mom. And you know what? I know that I would have more room in my life for mine if she recognized that I am a grown woman and would treat me like a friend. Instead of always treating me like I am 7 years old. Which might be understandable if I had screwed up my life and was always asking her to bail me out. Which I have NOT done. IMHO, if you do a good job parenting when they are young, when they grow up you get to be their friend and don’t have to “parent” them any more. I’m looking forward to that day with mine. :D
March 1, 2009 at 8:49 am
Hm, cakeburnett, well I’m sorry for your situation. My mom is one of my best friends and I tell her everything but above all she’s still my mom and will give me advice or direction whether I want it or not. As I’ve gotten older I’ve listened more instead of getting insulted and telling her to butt out. Now that I follow her advice more I find myself making better decisions and less mistakes. Sometimes they do actually know what they’re talking about ;)
March 1, 2009 at 9:44 am
Sometimes it’s not what they say but the way that they say it>
March 1, 2009 at 4:49 pm
Advice=Love. And don’t treat your mom any worse than you would your friends.
March 2, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Geez, give poor mom a break – I wonder what you must have said/done to her to receive this note from her! I’m surprised she’s not PISSED!
March 2, 2009 at 3:02 pm
OMG this sounds like my mother. Cakeburnette, my mother is the same way. People who have not lived in our shoes just can’t understand the reasons for having our mom’s not so much in our lives. Personally, it makes me a happier person to keep my mother at arms length. They are family, and you should never cut all communication ties, but even family can be poisonous to your well being.
March 3, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Nope, I don’t like this mom. If she thinks she needs to change around her daughter, she should just change…and if she thinks her daughter has treated her badly, she should say that directly…no need for the passive-aggressive, poor-me speech.
March 3, 2009 at 12:00 pm
wow, talk about a guilt trip.
To the people who are defending the moms. I can understand your POV. My mother and I are super close and she is one of my best friensd. I turn to her for advice and she dishes it out sometimes willingly. Sometimes I am told an emergency on my part doesn’t constitute one on hers (before everyone yells about how bitchy that is, remember its moms way of saying, you’re a big girl and can figure this out).
BUT remember – not everyone is lucky to have cool moms. Some moms DO stick their noses in a bit too often and over step boundaries. They hold onto their child vs letting them grow up and live their lives. Advice is one thing but hovering is another and apparently “Helicopter Moms” are big right now and its not good for a child’s wellbeing. (They hover, get it, helicopter! I didn’t make that one up…oprah did).
My guess? This was a child of a helicopter mom that may have tried to ask their mother to give them a bit of space and got a big guilt trip reaction. “Fine if you dotn need me then i’ll be out of your life just like you want.” (think in terms of over sensitivity, her mom is taking her desire for independence personally)
March 3, 2009 at 8:42 pm
I wish my step mom would make this resolution. or at least the part about not talking about people I really don’t care about.
March 4, 2009 at 12:46 am
oh boy this sounds like my mom. She is insanely overbearing and she has a judgemental opinion on EVERYTHING in my life. I love how people whose mothers are their “best friends” just can’t understand. Some moms are just brutal.
My mom recently promised to be better, but of course, she will never change. They are incapable of it. It’s up to us to change and adapt them.
March 4, 2009 at 7:35 pm
up to us to adapt to them, rather.
March 4, 2009 at 7:37 pm
Yep, this is exactly like my mom too. It’s driving me insane that she makes me feel like the bad person in the situation when all I want to do is make our relationship better so I don’t hit ignore everytime my cell rings. She’s a micro-mom-manager…I don’t think they can ever change either Lisa.
March 5, 2009 at 3:03 pm
I’m so grateful to say that my Mom is one of my very best friends. :-D
March 6, 2009 at 4:39 pm
[...] Whiny, passive aggressive martyr: I am making a New Year’s Resolution, to try very very very hard to be the mother that you want me to be. I will not offer any advice on any matter, unless it is requested. And then I will advise very cautiously, so as not to overstep your limits of desired information. I will not talk about people or things you don’t want to hear about, or at least as long as I am aware of those things or people. These resolutions should allow you to decide where in your life if at all you wish me to be. What this means of course, is that I will not be able to call you very much, because there would be nothing for me to call about. So you will have to initiate calls. That will make it easier for me to adhere to my resolutions. If I accidentally write things in emails that are inappropriate, you can blast me back, like you usually do, and that should shut me up, and get me back on track. But I promise, I will do my very best to stay out of your life the way you want me to. Love you, Mom [...]
March 24, 2009 at 1:31 pm
I swear someone has hacked into my emails from my mother. She likes to “give advise” or try to lay the guilt trips on me. it’s not that she is a horrible person, or that we don’t talk almost every day. But if I get at all frustrated, even down to the tone of my voice then odds are i’ll get a “don’t be snippy with me” or worse something like this.
May 4, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Haha, my mother sends me these e-mails. They aren’t overbearing or passive-aggressive, they’re just WILDLY sarcastic.
May 4, 2009 at 5:17 pm
I could only dream that my own mom would follow this advice herself! She expects me to call every week and detail every aspect of my life, at least until she hears something that bores her, at which point, she starts her long soliloquy on everything little thing she did that week.
Let’s see, a recitation of the menu for every meal, her shopping trips, and worst of all, every detail about the private lives of our relatives. She bad mouths and relates every little friggin’ thing about every relative we have (fortunately we have a very small extended family).
I’ve also learned the hard way that whenever I tell her something, regardless of how personal, it gets repeated endlessly to the relatives and her Red Hat friends. It’s a real violation of trust so I don’t tell her anything important and try not to encourage her wicked gossip.
So I finally decided to only speak to her once or twice a month at most and I got the guilt trip email. Well, mom, it doesn’t make me feel guilty one bit; just really pissed and even less willing to call you.
June 8, 2009 at 12:55 am
mom, is that you? since when do you speak english??
i moved a couple of hours away from her 10 years ago. now i’m moving back into my old town because my boyfriend lives there and we are going to live together. so that means i’m going to be pretty close to her. it took me about two years of therapy to stay calm and tell her in a quiet and polite tone that things in my life are MY responsibility as i am almost 30 years old now, and that her “advice” (rather orders how i am supposed to live my life) are not appropriate anymore. wish me luck!
July 5, 2009 at 3:14 am