I know you don’t much like Oprah, but she had an interesting segment last night about “gas”, and what can be done about it.  Two things I remember are eating more slowly (that lets less air in through your mouth when you are in the process of eating), and cutting down on carbonated beverages while you are eating.  there was more, explaining why it happens (from both “locations), and that lots of people have this issue.

ok, I’ll stop now.

Love you,
Mom

Backstory: My mom complains that I don’t call home enough, but she calls me even less. So when she actually did call once, and I didn’t call back, this was the result.

What’s a mother to do?  I buy you a phone.  I pay your telephone bill.  But can Miss High and Mighty Doctoral Student return a poor mother’s message? No way.  How dare an insignificant mother impinge on the important daughter’s time.  All that this mother had done- scrubbed floors, made unique designer clothes, cooked healthful meals is no matter.  Madame daughter is too busy.  Sorry I have to stop now I have an appointment with my lawyer to change my will.  Mom

Backstory: My mom recently discovered the wonders of underarm waxing, and has been trying to get me to let her wax mine for me — I refuse.

chicken! I made your dad do mine this morning. It’s an “exchange of services.” I wash his underwear, and he waxes my armpits.

Sorry to hear you are sick. The way to stay healthy is – do not touch sick people. I know my wisdom is born of age, maybe someday you will be as wise as me, kinda doubt it, I am pretty wise.

Again, I love you every minute. It doesn’t matter if you “fall apart so much.” That’s part of you. Like eating too much at Thanksgiving, it’s going to happen. We have to try to protect ourselves from letting it happen. If we can’t then we just need to minimize the times it happens or the issue itself by protecting ourselves by wearing an elastic waistband.

I know this is totally off topic, but I had a dream last night. When was the last time you had your brakes checked on your car??

Much love always, mom

Here I am pole dancing and doing a slide down the pole. Sarah is in the background with glasses and Michelle is right next to me. She gave me some assistance in getting my butt up. What a workout this
was. I had a blast. Not bad for an old bird. HA!

Backstory: Here’s what happens when you do provide a grandchild, and then agree to leave that small person with your parents for a week so you can go away.  (Please know I got this maybe 5 minutes after my mom and I rang off)

What vegetables does he like? Baked Beans?,salad? stewed tom? fresh tomatoes, carrots, celery, Fruit; peaches and pears i know he likes; what others? Flavors ice cream? Meat? Hot dogs? Chinese food? Hamburgers and sloppy joes are all know. Chicken, turkey? chinese food? You roast your potato chunks at 425 degrees for how long? Beef or chicken gravy. Sliced ham? What for sandwiches other than PB?J. What goes in his lunch box?All of this you may already have covered in your notes to me but if not, these are my questions! Love ya Mom

p.s.  guess what I found when I was putting stuff back???  The piano books< right
where I PUT THEM__UNDER THE COUCH IN THE LIVING ROOM (I”M NOT TRYING TO USE CAPITAL
LETTERS< BY THE WAY< I JUST CAN”T GET THIS COMPUTER to stop making them>  wHAT IS
WRONG WITH THIS THING////??????  i NEED YOU JUL!!!!!!

i’m sending you David Lanz.  (Oh, I think it’s fixed now)

That’s great about your new job, I’m so proud of you babygirl!
So you know what I was thinking?…you live in the Bronx and work in Manhattan and Derek Jeter lives in Manhattan and works in the Bronx. You should give him a call & get together.

Just an FYI- I do read your blog on a regular basis, however my work blocks me from making comments. Luckily, I will soon be computer-ing from home so you can read what I think of your odd little life