How to Save Your Marriage

Backstory: My parents are getting a divorce after 20 years of marriage, and word has gotten back to a certain Great-Aunt who has always had a fondness for sending us Bibles and other unsolicited Christian literature. Up to this point, my mom tactfully stays quiet about the religious stuff, but she gets kinda fierce when anyone tries to tell her how to handle the end of her marriage.

For Christmas, your great-Aunt F sent me a postcard wishing me success in the reconciliation of my marriage.
Then, a couple of weeks ago, she sent me a DVD about saving my marriage the Christian way. She said “Even though I am a Christian, I’m not trying to convert you. I accept that you are not a Christian, but I hope you’ll find this helpful.”

I’m gonna write her back- “Even though I am a sinner, I’m not trying to convert you. I accept that you’re not a sinner, but I hope you’ll find this helpful.”

The note will be attached to a vibrator.

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Leave a Comment »

    • 1.  katzkid

      That is TOO funny!

      March 17, 2009 at 12:16 pm

    • 2.  K

      YES!!!! The best post EVER! I LOVE YOUR MOM…tell her to call me after her divorce…lol

      March 17, 2009 at 12:17 pm

    • 3.  kelE

      Ugh that sounds like almost everyone in my husband’s extended family! (The aunt, not the Mom)

      March 17, 2009 at 12:19 pm

    • 4.  Terry

      I LOVE this mom!!!!

      March 17, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    • 5.  MRS MS

      Go Mom!

      March 17, 2009 at 12:52 pm

    • 6.  Freddie

      BEST ONE EVER.

      March 17, 2009 at 1:06 pm

    • 7.  Pam

      Haha, sounds like the end of MY marriage (lol)

      March 17, 2009 at 1:45 pm

    • 8.  Little Lemon

      That’s the way to do it (as Punch said to Judy)

      March 17, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    • 9.  Holiday Djinn

      I would send it attached to a buttplug. Tell her to remove the stick, and have some fun. . . . .

      March 17, 2009 at 4:07 pm

    • 10.  JeffreyG

      When I read that last line it had me laughing out loud!!! This mom is hilarious!!! Does anybody think the “gift” will get used???

      March 17, 2009 at 4:16 pm

    • 11.  Trixie

      BEST MOM EVER!!!! GO MOM!!!

      March 17, 2009 at 8:29 pm

    • 12.  Mars Girl

      How witty!!

      March 17, 2009 at 9:59 pm

    • 13.  Skwish

      I want to buy your mom a beer.

      March 18, 2009 at 12:32 pm

    • 14.  anon

      fanFUCKINGtastic.

      March 18, 2009 at 1:24 pm

    • 15.  Kitanne

      Ha! That’s fanfuckingtastic. If anybody had done that to my mom a few years ago when my dad left after 32 years of marriage/five kids, she probably would have put her foot through their face.

      March 21, 2009 at 2:47 pm

    • 16.  Miz K

      Best. Comeback. EVAR! Mom is full of win and awesome!

      March 24, 2009 at 12:35 am

    • 17.  mizzi

      “Uh-oh: You have already rated this post!”

      This Mom needs to read the comments under this post and realise that there are many many of us who believe her to be the definition of cool.

      July 21, 2009 at 8:09 am

    • 18.  RaShaunda

      Now THAT is funny!

      August 23, 2009 at 7:53 pm

    • 19.  travestine

      This mom is AWESOME! Reminds me of my stepbrother and SIL. I’d been a lay minister, preaching relief for pastors on vacation or ill, for about five years, in a denomination they considered too liberal to really be “Christian” enough for them. For Christmas one year they sent me a lovely, full colour and illustrated book on the fundamentals of the Bible that ended with “Would you like to accept Jesus as your personal saviour? Just say this prayer”!!

      August 24, 2009 at 2:41 am

    • 20.  angie

      the most awesome come back!!!!!!!!!!!

      September 12, 2009 at 1:20 am

    • 21.  Emma Gardener

      I love this post! Most Excellent! This Mom is a kindred spirit for sure! You go Girl!!

      January 22, 2010 at 5:46 pm

    • 22.  Ken

      No one goes into a marriage expecting problems in the relationship. Unfortunately, it happens at some point to all marriages. Even though some people have mentioned that high divorce rates over the past 50 years reflect an increase in problems, the reality is that problems have always existed. It is that before the 1960”s, divorce was socially unacceptable.

      Read More Here: squidoo.com/marriage-fixer

      October 18, 2010 at 6:44 pm

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      [...] For Christmas, your great-Aunt F sent me a postcard wishing me success in the reconciliation of my marriage. Then, a couple of weeks ago, she sent me a DVD about saving my marriage the Christian way. She said “Even though I am a Christian, I’m not trying to convert you. I accept that you are not a Christian, but I hope you’ll find this helpful.” I’m gonna write her back- “Even though I am a sinner, I’m not trying to convert you. I accept that you’re not a sinner, but I hope you’ll find this helpful.” The note will be attached to a vibrator. — How to Save Your Marriage » Postcards From Yo Momma [...]

      March 2, 2011 at 4:46 pm

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Love, Mom