The 90 Day Rule

me: I have a date saturday :)
mom: with brian?
me: yeah bryan :) he’s so nice
mom: you know the 90 day rule?
me: 90 day rule?
mom: yeah no major physical stuff and no major baring of the soul. it was on oprah hahahah. men need time and women need to hold them off haahah
me: ok mom.
mom: some book called act like a lady and think like a man
me: ok I’ll think like a man just for you

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    • 1.  Seraph

      90 days?! you know men aren’t the only ones who get sexually frustrated

      March 24, 2009 at 1:47 pm

    • 2.  Llama

      I feel compelled to say this:

      Repressing your desire to express your emotions (physically or verbally) to your partner based on an arbitrary time line rather than using your own heart and soul as a compass seems fairly unhealthy. When you each feel deeply ready to be physically and/or emotionally intimate, whether it be sooner or later than the 90-day mark, is when it becomes appropriate.

      This is all pure opinion, of course. I could be wrong as easily as anyone.

      March 24, 2009 at 4:33 pm

    • 3.  JeffreyG

      So Llama, are you saying we should just give in to whatever urges and desires we have with no thought about self control? Just live our lives out of control being lead about by our emotions? Man, that would be interesting. Might cause some problems in the workplace though, you know, with sexual harassement and all.

      March 24, 2009 at 5:44 pm

    • 4.  Erica

      Wow. Way to take a simple statement to the extreme. Are arbitrary numbers and rules the only way you can keep yourself in check? I didn’t realize that trusting your intuition and common sense was a form of anarchy.

      March 24, 2009 at 7:08 pm

    • 5.  Kailey

      90 days! I would go nuts with 90 days of no major physical stuff if it was a guy I really like…

      March 24, 2009 at 7:36 pm

    • 6.  lin

      I saw this on Oprah. The point was to treat a new relationship kind of like the way a new employer treats a new employee with a trial period. Give it a little time and see how it goes, if you can trust the person, even really like them, before you rush in and do something you might regret later. You may or may not wait the actual 90 days, but it’s not bad advice. Let’s face it, how many people really act like themselves on the first few dates anyway?

      March 25, 2009 at 10:33 am

    • 7.  MRS MS

      The “90 day rule” comes from Steve Harvey’s new book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment. It’s an interesting read and he makes a few good points.

      March 25, 2009 at 11:06 am

    • 8.  Dixie

      Actually that was on Tyra, not Oprah…

      March 26, 2009 at 12:06 am

    • 9.  kelE

      I think he was on Oprah too.

      March 26, 2009 at 9:21 am

    • 10.  Buckeee

      The problem with the 90 day rule is that Steve Harvey presents it (or at least he did on Oprah, I have not read the book) as a rule for -women- to follow. It puts the burden on women to “say no” when the woman may want to get it on just as much as the man. Ladies, a man is going to respect you as a human being and a partner or he’s not. It has nothing to do with an arbitrary time period for how long you make him wait…and make yourself wait!

      March 27, 2009 at 12:26 pm

    • 11.  Melonie Rose

      I think the 90 day rule (or some reasonable time period) is a neccesity for men and women to utilize when dating in today’s world.

      1. It gives both partners time to get to know each other without sex being a motivating factor or confusing feelings and thoughts about someone.

      2. We all know “safe sex” or condoms and birth control pills may not save you from a bad case of herpes or an unplanned pregnancy. Accidents are known to happen. It doesn’t hurt to wait, get to know someone well enough to get specifically tested for the big three: STD’s, AIDS, and herpes.

      3. Common sense for some is not as good as others. Sometimes we don’t listen to our own intuition because we get so enthralled in wanting a relationship or for someone to be the one that we can overlook or excuse obvious negative signs about someone. Why not take 90 days or some reasonable time period to relax and enjoy the process of getting to know someone. I think it makes for one hell of an exciting intimate interlude when you finally do do the do!

      April 1, 2009 at 2:23 pm

    • 12.  Dee

      omg my mom said this to me today.

      April 6, 2009 at 8:36 pm

    • 13.  Mariette

      Ha, Seraph, exactly my thought when I read this book. As if women always are calculating and being pragmatic, using sex only to get The Ring – like Harvey calls it. I don’t want a bloody ring, nor a father for my children (don’t have them anyway) or a Man Of God like he writes – maybe I just want some passion and fire in the house? Or does this make me something different than a Lady? Pfff…

      July 24, 2009 at 5:11 am

    • 14.  Cath

      Gave the cookie to my guy on the very first date and we were married for 7 beautiful years. Gave the cookie to this other guy after the infamous 90 days (of wining, dining and all the romantic stuff) and he never called me back after that HA HA
      Girls out there, just follow your heart, guts, practice common sense and enjoy the spontaneity of love. That always works!
      Unreasonable rules scare the bejesus out of most man..

      August 19, 2009 at 2:52 pm

    • 15.  sheshy

      i reached page 133 of act like a lady and think like a man, but lost the book is there anybody who can tell me the 5 major questions in that chapter??

      December 8, 2009 at 9:40 am

    • 16.  grammar cat

      sheshy, you’re kidding, right?

      December 8, 2009 at 8:17 pm

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Love, Mom