He Should Be Doing These Things Because He Loves You

Backstory: My mom was upset that my fiance complained about taking me to the doctor.  I have a condition and I can’t drive myself right now.

He is supposed to be your partner, right?  your future husband?  You have a medical problem and he needs to be there for you and too damn bad if it’s inconvenient for him or takes him out of his way.  that’s what he’s supposed to do.  Who else out there can you depend on if not him?  I don’t care if he’s tired or put out, he should be doing these things because he loves you and he is concerned for your safety and health.  You would do the same and much more for him and I know you already have, my dear.  He needs to grow up, I know you don’t need to hear this right now, but this is the kind of thing that makes me angry when I am already worried about you and hate that you are so far away for me to help you.  Ok, I’m done.  Not quite, he needs to buck up and take care of you.  OK, I’m done now!!!!!  Just tell him he needs to get his ass up early one day and take you to the dr. if you still feel as crappy as you have been by Friday.

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    • 1.  Little Lemon

      Tell it how it is Mum.

      April 25, 2009 at 10:21 am

    • 2.  KT

      Right on! I hope he gets his ass in gear!

      April 25, 2009 at 11:26 am

    • 3.  Nikki

      Yes mama! He’s going to be your husband, so he better get used to helping you out. I like this mom.

      April 25, 2009 at 12:02 pm

    • 4.  L

      Amen! Your mom will always have your best interests at heart. Your fiance should too!

      April 25, 2009 at 12:02 pm

    • 5.  KAB

      Hoooo-weeee. Anyone who has ignored things like this will tell you the same: this mom is correct. I love this mom!

      April 25, 2009 at 12:29 pm

    • 6.  Terry

      Well, don’t cross this Mama Bear – I love her!!!

      April 25, 2009 at 12:42 pm

    • 7.  Nancy

      If he feels comfortable complaining about this small task now, just wait until he has the wedding ring on your finger!

      April 25, 2009 at 12:42 pm

    • 8.  Nini

      You go Mom! She is so right.

      April 25, 2009 at 3:40 pm

    • 9.  Jess

      Well said, Mom!

      April 25, 2009 at 5:24 pm

    • 10.  MJ

      Listen to your Momma and then…dump him!
      If you don’t, next thing you’ll know he’ll be whining about taking you to the ob/gyn when you’re expecting, falling asleep in the delivery room and bitching to anyone and everyone about how little sleep he’s getting with a newborn. Cut your losses now!

      April 25, 2009 at 8:22 pm

    • 11.  Ann

      Speaking from experience, MJ is right on the mark! Dump him. He will NOT change. It WILL get worse. He DOES NOT love you. He loves himself.

      April 25, 2009 at 10:36 pm

    • 12.  Margie

      Listen to your Mom….she’s right! Flash-forward 5-10 years and you have 2-3 little ones…..and his butt is on the couch while you’re working like a dog. People DO NOT change…..

      April 26, 2009 at 6:55 am

    • 13.  DB

      Listen to your mom, because this guy has issues that could sink a marriage. He is too self-absorbed and selfish to make a good husband, if he can’t be bothered to take care of you in this small way. You have to pay attention to the little things, because they are the true indicators of what life will be like with him. Not to say that he doesn’t love you — but he loves himself more, and that’s not a good basis.

      The BEST you will ever be treated is during courtship and engagement. Not to say that married people are treated badly, but after a while, when a couple have settled into the routine of life, fixing his favorite meal, or bringing her her favorite flowers sometimes gets put aside temporarily when you are tired, stressed or worried. And that’s if things go well! You will hit a marriage potholes, such as financial problems and misunderstandings. You need some indication that this is a man who is willing to put you first in his life. If he can’t be bothered to do a simple thing like drive you to the doctor during this time — what others things will he find to be a bother to do once you are married?

      I’m not saying to dump him, but I would strongly consider premarital counseling before you walk down that aisle.

      April 26, 2009 at 10:24 am

    • 14.  LovesPFYM

      I’m with the others – GO MUM!
      If the fiance complains about doing something like that, maybe it’s time to decide whether he should even be a fiance.

      April 26, 2009 at 11:12 am

    • 15.  gigi

      I couldn’t agree more with your mother. I think I dated your fiance. He was a selfish ass and I didn’t know how good it could be until I dumped him and met my (now) husband. Please really think about this before you say, “I do”. You must deserve better!

      April 26, 2009 at 1:01 pm

    • 16.  jan

      It all comes down to a man by your side, but…..is he? They are right, it won’t get better. We are all no doubt speaking from experience. Good luck, and hope you feel better soon!

      April 27, 2009 at 6:21 am

    • 17.  Katzkid

      Go mama, Go mama……….

      April 27, 2009 at 12:13 pm

    • 18.  JRG

      I realize that the majority of these posts are from women, and I whole heartedly agree with them. If this guy complains about taking his future wife to the doctor, what will he do after they are married? Man, there is a whole lot of excellent advise posted here and I hope this young woman reads all of it and really takes a long hard look at this guy. My wife and I have been through our share of ups and downs and we have ALWAYS been there for each other, doctor appointments and all. If he cannot be there for you for something like a doctor appointment, what else will he NOT be around for? Its the only way you can have a successful partnership/marriage, you have to be there for each other no matter what. You go mom, that is some of the best motherly wisdom I have heard in a long time.

      April 27, 2009 at 12:24 pm

    • 19.  ceeeeeereal

      Honey, been there done that! Took me 8 years to see that maybe I wasn’t being “selfish” when I asked for help or support and the ex-husband was too busy or just didn’t want to expend the effort. I had surgery last year and I called my mom to give me a ride home after, and my BF overheard and was astounded that I didn’t ask him first! He was so confused when I told him he didn’t need to, I had it handled…he countered that he wanted to, because otherwise he’d just sit at home and worry anyway.

      Now THAT is a man.
      Go get yourself one, I highly recommend it!!

      April 27, 2009 at 1:28 pm

    • 20.  Juniper

      I look at this differently. I see mom being a bit nosy and too concerned. Yes, it’s a ‘condition’, but if mom gets out of joint about this, what else is her nose into as well? I think her approach was wrong as far as adult to adult. At some point parents need to grow up as their children do. I respect my mom as my parent, but I speak to her as an adult. That’s how relationships should mature.

      How do we know that this guy complained but took the poster. It’s ok to complain and still do the task at hand. We all do that. My husband does it, but realizes his pettiness in the end.

      Mom’s probably going to complain about everything this guy does from now on. Her scrutiny will influence her daughter and to the point that the daughter will not be able to self-determine what values she’s seeking versus those that her mom is putting forth to her.

      MOM– concern is fine but really, take it down a notch!

      April 30, 2009 at 7:55 pm

    • 21.  Emmy

      hahahaahah “OK, I’m done. Not quite….”

      November 28, 2009 at 1:31 am

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Love, Mom