When Doves Cry and Fly Into Bedrooms

Woke up this morning to the cooing of a dove.  Pried open my silken lashes from the gunk that the sandman left- when suddenly the cooing became the coughing gargling strangled strain of a dove that needed a tosilectomy.  Whoosh into my bedroom flies an errant dove casting shadows from his enormous 7 inches wingspan upon my head.  I ducked under the covers as a wild frenzy ensued as the beast crashed into walls and mirrors and chandeliers.  Gingerly, I crept out of bed and avoiding the warm gifts dropped by my visitor.  “MARISA, bring surgical gloves!” We don our protective coverings and proceed into the boudoir where the visitor is doing it’s toilette on the porcelain sink.  Soft, comforting words do nothing to coax our visitor into her waiting hands.  I lunge.  It flies. Hopping on the scale I snatch the creature from its glass and metal perch and carry it to freedom out the bedroom window from whence it came.  Promptly shutting the window. Hope your morning is going just as
well.

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    • 1.  Holiday Djinn

      Your mom is not Oscar Wilde, or H.D. Thoreau. This postcard would have been funnier had it been written in a more geniune tone. This seems forced. There is no way your mother writes e-mail like this all the time.

      Correct me if I am wrong, because if she does, then It makes this extremely funny, however for reasons other than content.

      April 29, 2009 at 3:24 pm

    • 2.  Mary

      Eh, lighten up. Not a Pulitzer Prize winner, but it’s funny.

      April 29, 2009 at 4:19 pm

    • 3.  Terry

      Nice sense of humor considering the situation! I actually write and talk that way quite often; it didn’t sound forced at all to me. Give it a rest!

      April 29, 2009 at 5:17 pm

    • 4.  JRG

      Sometimes you are just in the mood to wax eloquent. I loved it mom. Keep up the good work!

      April 29, 2009 at 7:54 pm

    • 5.  Katzkid

      I thought it was hilarious! Holiday D needs to lighten up. Take the posts with a grain of salt and if they aren’t your type of post, move on to the next one!

      April 29, 2009 at 8:15 pm

    • 6.  Christie

      This was hilarious!

      April 29, 2009 at 9:33 pm

    • 7.  Kelsey

      Holiday Djinn, calm down. Obviously some people are just more descriptive than you.

      AND i liked it. :)

      April 29, 2009 at 10:41 pm

    • 8.  mary

      So Funny!

      April 30, 2009 at 1:43 am

    • 9.  Seraph

      I don’t think mom was looking for critique on her next award-winning novel when she sat down to tell her daughter that a dove crapped all over her bedroom. I think, more likely, she was just trying to paint an accurate picture of what happened, rather than just writing: “HOLY S**T A FREAKING BIRD FLEW INTO THE HOUSE AND I PEED A LITTLE.”

      April 30, 2009 at 7:24 am

    • 10.  Dreamer Mom

      Holiday Djinn is a tool, the mom is a gem, and so is the daughter for submitting the e-mail. This is not a forum for writing critique, it’s just for fun. Lighten up, Holiday Djinn.

      April 30, 2009 at 9:09 am

    • 11.  Trixie

      I loved this! This is how I describe traumatic details in an e-mail. It makes it a little more fun and self-deprecating for the reader. It shows that mom has a great sense of humour, and probably spins a great yarn in person.

      April 30, 2009 at 9:24 am

    • 12.  feistyone

      This is freakin’ hilarious.
      When the sanctity of your home is disturbed by an unexpected guest, you have to convey the shock and awe of the situation properly. My mom once wrote the best email about a squirrel invasion, way too long to submit here, but makes me chuckle whenever I think of it.

      April 30, 2009 at 9:24 am

    • 13.  SallySweet

      I loved mom’s narrative! I also think that for mother’s day, daughter should buy and install a screen for mom’s window!

      April 30, 2009 at 10:15 am

    • 14.  Terry

      Feistyone – I’d LOVE to see the Invasion of the Squirrels email!!!

      April 30, 2009 at 12:10 pm

    • 15.  catherine

      Hey Holiday Djinn, take a chill pill and appreciate a funny mom! you clearly are funny. so suck it.

      April 30, 2009 at 2:34 pm

    • 16.  sally

      HOLIDAY D YOU SUCK!!

      April 30, 2009 at 3:50 pm

    • 17.  Mamainak

      Early morning prose in your email inbox…way to start a morning :D

      May 5, 2009 at 2:21 pm

    • 18.  Billip

      I love that Mom thinks she can write, and you all think her writing is defensible.

      May 15, 2009 at 4:53 am

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      Thanks for finally writing about >When Doves Cry and Fly Into Bedrooms > Postcards From
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      September 2, 2017 at 10:37 am

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Love, Mom