We finally got your photo proofs back. Well, they’re not all that good. Is that too blunt?? Not nearly as good as those high school graduation pics. There’s one that’s passable, so maybe we’ll get that– but they’re really kind of bad. I’m astonished. They must have used a really bad studio– and your black drape looks way too big for you— making your shoulders look all rounded and it’s kind of falling off of you, so you look like an old frumpy woman- it’s all a little weird. And your hair looks kind of plastered down like it’s all greasy or something. I don’t know, honey. They look pretty bad– and in two, your eyes are shut– and they only sent 4 proofs. How many pics did they take? But the pearls look nice. :)
xoxoxoxooxoxoxox

Did you see how many sex offenders are living near you? And, why do so many of them share the same address? Are they just using an address as a registered address and floating around in society somewhere?

Okay, going to town.

Love, Mom

Backstory: I asked Mum if she and Dad had any preferences for what will happen to their bodies/funerals when they die and told her my preferences.

I’m kinda hoping to outlive everyone, so it should be irrelevant! (he,he) Seriously though, do whatever you want with the bodies but no expensive funeral. After all, that’s only for show (to some extent) and the funeral director taking advantage of grief (to a large extent). So simple is fine.
Is there something I should be worried about…life insurance, funeral instructions?? Anything going on?

Backstory: I had just received a really good performance appraisal at work and sent my mom a copy for her to see how well I did.

WOW you are an exceptional employee. I could have told her all that myself if she would have asked me. Your mama is very proud of you!! Here is my rating for you:

___Exceptional
___More than Exceptional
_x__Off the Hook

It’s official you are off the hook with me yo!I love you, you little over achiever!!!!MOM

Also….that odor in the basement bath is a problem smell….I don’t know where it is coming from….think it is just closed up most of the time and close to the sewer line….I am not sure…but I smell it often in there and it is not because someone has just gone to the bathroom….Daddy mentioned he had not used that bathroom!!! I went in there a few minutes ago and detected what you probably had smelled…..and no one has used that bathroom…..I will put some potpourri in there and see if that remedies it “some”.

Backstory: I got a prescription for the same anxiety meds my mom is on but I can’t afford to buy them right now. She sent some with my dad when he visited… without him knowing.

There is a big green tub full of your stuff that dad is bringing. When you open it there will be the fox fur coat on top. Inside the pocket is that medication. I put it into one of those teeny tiny ziplocs that extra bottons come in on new clothes. I taped it inside that pocket so it wouldn’t fly out. Please put somewhere safe so kitties don’t get it, since it’s not in a bottle, and dad doesn’t see it. i don’t need a lecture.Maybe you can take that coat out to hang in your room and remove it there. Anway, use sparingly as I don’t know when i can get a new prescription. (Hopefully soon with dad home from work!) I think i put 10 there . Remember, they are 1 mg so you only need 1/2. You shouldn’t take it unless you can get at least 7 or 8 hours of sleep because they are in your system for a while and you will feel groggy next day. You really should try benadryl first.Love, mommy

Backstory: This was my mom’s response upon viewing a painting I am working on….

Interesting picture. I’m guessing it’s a paraplegic drowning…

Good morning i an in a drama workshop it is so boring i am pretending to be at the toilet hope you managed to sort out internet dont forget take it easy love you

Backstory: Two nights before my wedding mom thinks we need to have “the talk”.

Honey,
I just want to let you know that if you have any, you know, QUESTIONS, you can ask me anything. Your father isn’t the best lover in the world, so I also know a lot about toys. Let’s get dinner tonight.
Love,
Mom

Backstory: I am living with a host family while I spend this semester abroad in Argentina.

HEY L,
HAPPY EASTER’…….JUST AN EXCUSE TO
SAY, ‘I MISS YOU’ AND I LOVE YOU.’…..
SO, WHAT DO THEY (ARGENTINIANS) , IF ANYTHING, FOR EASTER DINNER?.
AND, WHAT KIND OF FOOD ARE YOU EXPERIENCING THERE……ANYTHING YOU WANT
TO BRING HOME TO COOK???? GET RECIPES…
ARE YOU , SO FAR, ENJOYING ARGENTINA?? YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS??? CLASSES??
WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN THERE?
WE THINK ABOUT ALL THE TIME…….WHAT’S THE GIRLY DOING????

I know I told you this before but please listen now

Wearing moccosins and flats while running around NYC is NOT GOOD FOR YOUR BACK. You need support so PLEASE wear sneakers and change when you get to work….
You will have knee hip and back problems

and doesn’t your back hurt now? mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm???

love
mom