I just electronically deposited $ into your checking account. You can buy extra Passover wine or pay your rent or whatever.

I love you, sweetheart.

“HOPPY EASTER!”

Love,
Mom

Hi Toots!

Dad and I were talking and we think that you should go on Match.com and pick out several more loser boyfriends. If you do this and your motivation to get revenge on exes by being more successful than they are continues to build in this way, we believe that you will be material for a certain Nobel prize at some point in the future. What do you think about this wonderful idea??!! Dad says we will pay for Match.com if you promise to give us a share of your Nobel prize money.

Love, Mombo and Heartie

P.S. Dad also says that your evil ex may have won a dumb grant, but he lost the biggest prize…YOU!!!! XXOO

Hope you’re having a good day. Getting lotsa stuff done here. Going to get my mamms grammed this pm. Wondering if you’d bring some of that kitchen paint so I could see how it looks in here. Thanks, love, mom

hi from mexico got a great honeymoon suite upgrade because i complain balcony ocean view sleek everything big flat screen tv hbo the works i am away and still tv makes me happy it is hot hot hot we are going swimming with the dolphins massage and facials cheap not because i complained but another hotel wants us to spend 1hour and we can eat all day and do all of the above for 50.oo total email me also have wireless in room ..earthquake in italy farrah cancer spread to liver we have hbo and cnn and e all in english keep me informed let me know about dancing with stars poor farrah

Good Morning Baby girl!

I haven’t talked to you in “TWO DAYS”.

Hope you are doing well?

I miss you!

Is your phone broken or lost?

Did you elope?

Did the cat suck the life out of you in your sleep?

Are you in jail?

Did cannables eat you?

Just wanted to tell you how much I love you.

Oh and by the way I am doing great.

Call if you need anything.

I love you bigger than the milkyway to the infinity power squared!

Hi- just got back from the vet. He feels after asking a few more questions that the valium is better for Buster because you can give it to him as needed. He is calling it in to CVS Yeah! I will call him next week to update and as-long as we are good that will be it- Remember the valium is Buster’s – love Mom

Backstory: my mom has some skin issues on her fingertips and her dermatologist recommended she put super glue on them in the morning so they don’t split.

Mommy thing! I was super gluing my fingers…picked up my phone…glued my thump to the face of the phone…ripped my finger off the phone ..left a nice size piece of skin and glue on the front..got a new phone today!!! No, I don’t make this stuff up. mom

Also, do you remember my story about O., the cookie guy who blew on my neck at that event a few years ago? (He commented on my ‘thick’ hair, and wondered if my neck was hot…..yuccch) Well, he was there last night, giving me strange looks. I gave him the fish eye. What a creep.

I really think you need to meet a guy who earns a lot of money. I’m not trying to be like the mother from Titanic – “What do you want me to SEW for the rest of my life?!”, I just think you’d be happier.

Honey, i have been thinking about your trip to New York tomorrow and I am worried about your wedding ring. I think you should leave it at home. You know there are criminals up there who may see your ring while you are walking around and try to steal it. They will do anything to get what they want – if they can’t pull it off easily, they may try to cut off your finger or your hand to get it. They’ll cut it right off without thinking twice!!!! Don’t forget you need your left hand to type at work. I don’t think it’s worth the risk.

Call me when you land.
xoxo, mom

Hi Sweet <3, R U kmng hm Th or Fr? Aftr al itz estr! jesus.
luv
ma