Hi there ….

I thought you might appreciate this dream I had last night …. I dreamt that my armpit hair was all the way down my sides and it was black. Isn’t that sick?? ewwww I don’t know why I dreamed that.

Ok … well I hope you had a good night. Did you happen to mention to M about P’s ring? Just wondering.

We can look for vacuums later this week. Will you go with me to Eastern Market Saturday morning to buy flowers? Remember I’m making cupcakes for you!!!!!

Well your never online anymore for me to talk to you and you never answer my texts.

Love,

Mom (De) but you can call me MOM

Word of advice – the T-shirts (particularly the womens) run *very small* — when I put mine on, Daddy was thrilled but I would never go out in it! I know, TMI….

I wanted to give you your laugh for the day….this a.m. I grabbed a pair of more “control” type undies to throw on under my capris. I was much distressed to find that the blasted things came way up the middle of my back! So, I took them off and started chopping them apart with my scissors! It was hysterical. I kept thinking of mom’s old saying “make sure you don’t wear holey underwear when you go out for fear of an accident.” Crap, heaven forbid if someone saw me in them as they’d think I lost my mind!:>0 Guess among other things, we need to start designing underwear for real women!!! Considering that almost all pants are low cut, why they can’t make low slung control panties I haven’t a clue.

Backstory: My parents have been helping my elderly grandma move in with my aunt. My aunt is a super-conservative Christian who thinks Halloween is devil worship, by the way…

Your dad and I are coming home tonight! We wanted to skip rush hour. But we couldn’t wait another day. So when we come home at like 3 AM and the dogs make a big commotion, don’t worry, the house isn’t getting robbed. Guess what? Your cousin *** and her partner *** are WICCANS! She wanted to tell your aunt, but I told her not to do that right now, since your aunt is under a lot of stress taking care of Grandma. So, the aunt-of-Wiccans and uncle-of-Wiccans will be home late tonight! Wiccans forever! See you tomorrow! Love you!

Hi Honey,
Jumping rope is something I could try to do again. I used to pee when I did it but now that I’m getting older, it might be worse or better in that department. I’m not sure. Just have to find a spot in which to do it where no one will be watching and I’ll have room. I guess the garage is the only answer. hahaha

Backstory: My mom has been traveling (aka eating and drinking her way) around Europe with her boyfriend, and this was the last entry on her travel blog.

PS Did you know you can buy Botox over the counter here? Wonder if the syringes would set off any alarms at the airport? Now if they just had a home kit for liposuction. I would really be in business!

hey honey,

How was your first “official” work day? Oh forgot to say the disposable rubber gloves I put in your bag are for you too use if you are cutting up raw meat..not for anything kinky!!

Please let us know when you are going to Miami and where you are staying.

Thanks & Love xxxxxxxxxxx

Backstory: I had to defriend my mom on facebook a while ago because she went a little crazy with it but I sent her a link so she could see pictures I had posted from a trip I took with my friend.

i loved your pictures of philly and your commentary..too bad I couldnt comment cause Im not your friend :( and that Kevin is so cute! why does he have to be gay? can you ask him for me?
Love, your mommy

I discovered a mindless new game today you might want to try during a boring Mass. I was looking at the book on the altar and noticing that there are tons of words you can make out of the letters in “SACRAMENTARY.” So, here the rules, words must have at least 4 letters, cannot use a plural of the same word but you can use a plural of a 3 letter word (like “car”) to make it 4 letters. See how you do! Love, Mom

After I spoke to you I checked on Barry. No bat in the mixing bowl. So we took the bedroom apart. Sheets, bedspread, magazines, drawers, pulled apart the mattress. No bat. Bob thought he crawled into one of the many holes in the floor to die. I was okay with that, I was sad but it was cool he was dead. About nine p.m., we were watching a movie on TV, everything is dark, and the bat starts flying around the room past our heads. AAAAAGGG! So I ran in the bedroom, slammed the door and Bob caught Barry with a fishing net and tossed him outside. What an experience! No more bat rehabilitation. Ever.

Hi Pumpkin,

Aunt Phyl called me last night. She & Uncle Randy were in Lebanon cleaning out Helen’s place. Aunt Phyl wanted to know if you want any of the following:

Cup cake tin(s)
Casserole dishes with lids
Pie plates
Deviled egg plate
Stainless steel sandwich maker
Rectangular glass cake pan with lid, and canvas carry holder. You can carry hot or cold items in it.
Cake pans

How many “F” words did you use during the Red Sox game? So sorry to hear they lost.

Daddy told me to tell you he said hi and hope you’re not in jail.

Love,
Mom

Backstory: My mother and I had confessed to each other the wee before that we both watch Grey’s Anatomy.

I did not raise you to watch soap operas and get all sappy about their pseudo feelings. Don’t blame me. However, they certainly can hit some nerves. I never have gotten over high school. M

Okay, so I’m standing in front of the counter here where we keep the coffee pot, fridge and microwave, warming up some coffee and eating some cherries, and a cherry pit drops out of my mouth, onto the floor, in between the wall and the fridge. There’s not enough room for me to stick my hand in there to get it, so I go get my ruler. I stick the ruler down there and I’m swatting around the pit disappears under the fridge. So, I start thinking gee,it might attract bugs, so I get down on the floor on my stomach with the ruler, and I let out this huge fart, and I burst out laughing and spit all over the wall, and I never did find the pit.

Ali asked us over for a BBQ on Monday at 1. Will you be coming?
Also do you want me to go with you to taste the cakes tomorrow? I didn’t know if you would be deciding and needing to pay a deposit or what.

Walmart only had ink jet labels.

Did the invitations come? How do they look?

I was just vacuuming the basement stairs and the vacuum fell down the stairs and hit me in the head.

Love,
Mom (I think) I’m a little confused. I’m not sure how much momentum the vacuum cleaner had going but it was a pretty good hit.

I just got back from Wal-Mart and was nice and bought a new scratcher that you hang on the door knob. Shorty went after it while it was still in the bag so I took it out, filled it properly with the catnip and then gave it to him on the floor where he was having a rolling, scratching fun time. I walked away and came back to find the scratcher covered with pee and pee all around it on the floor and no Shorty. Question – did he pee on it so the other cats wouldn’t use it, did he pee accidentally (so excited it just came out), or is he sick again? Looks like I have to take the cat that you and Dad love so much to the vet. It doesn’t seem right, now does it?