Sometimes there are crazy people riding a bus. Sit near the front. Keep your valuables with you if you go potty. Text me when you leave & arrive. Have fun!!

Love you,
Mom

Backstory: I told my mom once on the phone that I was “chilling” with my friends and she didn’t quite catch on to the term, but still felt obligated to keep using it.

Were you cooling with your friends today?  Have a good weekend, and make sure you have some snacks and juice when you go to one of those frat parties!

Backstory: Our neighborhood was recently targeted by thieves. After a couple of break-ins, my mom (who lives alone) bought a battery-operated motion detector to put by the back door.

The motion detector went off last night around 3 am. It was the loudest thing, scared me to death. I woke up and quickly realized I didn’t have a plan. I never thought about what I would do if the stupid thing went off!

So, I grabbed the old boyscout hatchet you always make fun of and went out to the landing. I waited and I didn’t hear anything. I held up the hatchet and yelled down the stairs, “I HAVE A GUN MOTHERFUCKER!!!” I didn’t hear anything.

I stood there quietly in the dark for a good thirty minutes. Finally I went downstairs, one step at a time, only to find that the goddamn thing was just out of batteries.

Guess I’ll go ahead and get that gun.

are you for states deciding gay marraige?
what would your answer have been??

glad you are involved in all aspects of society…
xoxo
mbear

Just wanted to remind you that Sat. at 6:00PM is the Kentucky Derby and it’s a great excuse to drink… I’m planning on making Mint Juleps for any neighbors that are available. We bought Kentucky Bourbon for the event.
Love,
MOM

Backstory: After I got a D on my economics exam.

Honey, econ is for boring and ugly people. You shouldn’t be in that class, you’re too pretty and creative.  I’m sick of these hard classes. Next semester sign up for gym classes.

Backstory: I recently had a break up,and I have had MANY (weird) men take interest in me. This was dear mom’s response.

creepy hat guy may be 50′s!  I think you should get sugar daddies in every age group, starting with 20′s and go up to 50′s. 60 is creepy.  but having 4 generations of suitors may be fun.  Go out 4 nights a week , start the week with the youngest and end the week with the oldest and 3 nights dedicate to you and the cat!

You need to remember to wash your hands frequently even though I think the government and media are over blowing the swine flu “pandemic”. Wash for 20 seconds – that’s the length of the “ABC” song or the first 8 bars of Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. – MoM