Mom vs. Computer

Dear Miss Stinkerton,

Just a note to let you know how much I appreciate your offer of advanced computer technology.  As you can see by the date of this reply, I am far behind in reading even my e-mail.  I haven’t read any of my favorite blogs in over a month.  The reason for this is there is a fuckin’ worm on my computer.  I have to close the internet connection and re-open another page 2 or 3 times, just to pay my bills online, because it has slowed everything I try to do to the speed of steam rising off fresh dog shit on a frosty morning.  I am so happy!

How about you help me with that problem, and also setting up my new printer and router instead.  Then we can talk about RSS feeds.  I love you more than gay porn. Gotta go to work now.

Yo Momma

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    • 1.  LCM

      Very descriptive, a mom after my own heart

      July 22, 2009 at 10:10 am

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    • 2.  Juno

      Wow. I wish my mom were even one tenth that cool.

      July 22, 2009 at 10:43 am

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    • 3.  sallysweet

      Ugh, computer worms are a pain. Mom shouldn’t be paying bills with a worm on her computer, it could make her info vulnerable. I nearly choked when I read the gay porn line. Hurrah for mom!

      July 22, 2009 at 10:45 am

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    • 4.  blittle

      I second Juno’s comment!!! That was awesome!!

      July 22, 2009 at 10:51 am

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    • 5.  robyn

      Dog shit on a cold morning and gay porn! Yeah! Doesn’t get better than that.

      July 22, 2009 at 11:39 am

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    • 6.  Wingin' It

      Sorry (LOL) but someone has to say it:

      “Does your mother kiss you with that mouth?”

      LOL She sounds like a very cool, if snarky, mom!

      July 22, 2009 at 12:16 pm

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    • 7.  Miss Stinkerton

      My mom doesn’t kiss me with that mouth, but she does kiss her dog with it. I would like to point out a few things.

      First, she purchased a new computer a week prior to sending me this email. The new computer worked fine and had no fuckin’ worm. I had already explained to her that she could pay bills online on her new computer without having to transfer information from her old computer. (What? The internet?)

      Second, I thought the gay porn thing was a joke. My sister told me that my mom would never speak to her this way, and that she also found some gay porn in my mom’s bedroom. I guess that explains the fuckin’ worm!

      July 22, 2009 at 12:23 pm

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    • 8.  Lori Teacher

      I’m Miss Stinkerton’s sister (and Yo Momma’s daughter….haha), and may I just say that

      a) this cracked me all the heck up;
      b) I’m so proud of my mom….yet disturbed; and
      c) it’s really true–she doesn’t say stuff like that to me! I don’t curse, so maybe that’s why…haha. She’s certainly got the same wit (she’s from East Tennessee–a hillbilly firecracker fo sho), but with slightly less colorful language. And she certainly never would mention gay porn to me…haha. Perhaps she considers me the saintly daughter? Although now I’m thinking that might not be so great–I might have missed out on some real gems!

      July 22, 2009 at 12:41 pm

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    • 9.  Lori Teacher

      Also, please note that my mom calls her own daughter Miss Stinkerton in e-mails. Nothing but love and support in our family. (Incidentally, my nickname is Cow Head….hmm.)

      July 22, 2009 at 12:42 pm

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    • 10.  Steffy

      Sounds like me and my sister.. I get the whitty mother-daughter banter, and my sister gets the boring mundane crap! You’re sister must be the oldest… (I am) They tend to treat the oldest a little differently, in my opinion.

      July 22, 2009 at 3:24 pm

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    • 11.  Tommy

      I thought the “I love you more than…” line was a reference to Little Britain USA?

      July 23, 2009 at 4:37 am

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    • 12.  Shanna

      I wish this were MY mom. My mother doesn’t even know the word “router,” much less know how to pay bills online. The trucker’s mouth would be a bonus.

      July 23, 2009 at 9:58 am

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    • 13.  JimmyJhon

      I’m Miss Stinkerton’s brother and i have to say i once walked in on our mom and both my sisters watching gay porn and there was dog shit on the floor.

      July 24, 2009 at 9:37 pm

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    • 14.  Lostinthezoo

      JimmyJhon, thank you! Your added comment was the frosting on the cake of the original post. I am now gasping for breath…

      July 25, 2009 at 2:14 pm

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    • 15.  Nacho Momma

      JimmyJhon, I am amazed at your comment. I’m positive I only had 2 children and they are both girls. Although I am “Yo Momma”; I’m nawt cho momma.

      Oh, and Lori. Stay out of my room. You don’t have to tell everything you know. You saintly??? That made me laugh so hard I peed a little.

      July 26, 2009 at 1:59 am

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    • 16.  Michele

      Gotta agree that JimmyJhon’s comment made me laugh out loud too!

      July 27, 2009 at 4:51 pm

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    • 17.  Miss M

      I loves it!!

      July 29, 2009 at 2:47 pm

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Love, Mom