Backstory: My Mom likes to hide her jewelry in random places around the house that thieves are sure not to find… For many years she stuffed everything in a big picnic cooler.  I guess she needed a new spot.

Never, ever hide jewelry in the dryer, forget it is there, and turn it on.  Never!  That’s my life lesson for the day!

Backstory: My mom has decided to throw a monumental pirate party for her 55th birthday and is going overboard with preparations.

that’s my girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the DUH syndrome inherited from her mommallama!

i finally got the kitchen “nook” cleaned out. NOW everything’s on the kitchen table & counters! hope to get that sorted thru today. going to get the office DONE today also. I BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!! i couldn’t sleep last nite thinking about stuff. i may actually be bi.
polar, that is. racing thoughts. grandiose ideas…i’d be dangerous if i could actually implement all my ideas!

look for any piratey stuff you got at home, any gold or silvery items for the trunk. jewelry. skeleton scarf you knitted andy…

love, mommallama

Dad just washed his golf clubs in the toilet. He says it’s ok cuz he flushed. This is towards an all time low. Love Mom

What’s Ridin’ Dirty? I want to know because maybe I do it every day.

I know you’re his sister, but my word!I asked for water with lemon, got no lemon. Dad ordered the surf and turf thing, and i SWEAR he ate one of the shrimp before he brought it to the table. He even left the tail on the plate. Needless to say, he only got 15%.

Finally, it’s Friday and Dave went to NY state for a Harley rendezvous, so me and my pal Mikki are gonna have a few drinks. I’d like to invite Johnny Depp but I think he’s unavailable!

When Tom was born he had to be under lights for several days. He looked like a movie star in sunglasses with a little black mask over his eyes. With you I pulled my hamstring muscle in my groin. I didn’t realize it until the next morning it was painful to scoot the few inches to swing my legs off the bed and stand up. When the intern came to see me- he was the doctor for the Peoria hockey team- he told me he saw that a lot in hockey players. My roommate said it had happened to her husband when he was playing baseball. I asked how long it would take to heal, she said “All I know is if you’re playing semi-pro, your career is over.” And that is why I never took up hockey or baseball.

how long do you bake cheesecake? 30 mins or 1 1/2 hours?
I need to know in 10 minutes.
if you don’t answer me soon I will call you
help
me
now
please
hello????????????????

Backstory: Fireworks are illegal in Maryland where the party is being held, but that doesn’t stop Lloyd, my mom’s 50-something year old cousin, and his quite illegal holiday party.

Gma called this morning to say that we all (including your boyfriends) had been invited to Lloyd’s 4th of July party. I asked if she wanted to go and she said no, it was a bring your own bail money party.  he has tons of fireworks, is building a float to set them off from and a foot bridge over the cove.  It is being catered by a ribs place and another place is doing the salads.  So, if you want to come to MD to come to this party, y’all just let me know!

We were talking to Lora after you last night and she said I should write a blog. I have decided that the world needs my outlook. So I’m going to. Like today we went to the bank with Oscar, we were there for two hours. As Dad said it’s pretty bad when you can say your accomplishment for the day is to almost open a bank account.

Stuff like that. I am now going to email Bob, I don’t know how to make a blog get on the internets. He will know how to do it, but be a pain in the ass about telling me how, and that I can’t write anything anybody would want to read. I’m sort of dreading this already. You don’t know how to make a blog be on the internets do you?

so which one of you temptresses left an ice cream cake in the freezer.   my dilemma:   coffee vs. ice cream for breakfast.     demon children!!!!!

m

June 30th, and we are officially under siege.  The Dead Architect’s Home, now inhabited by the “doob smokers” with lots of disposable income(?!) has had some great ones tonight.  A half stick and 30 seconds of really high, professional looking fireworks that probably cost $200. Dad and I gave them a thumbs up, a whoo-whoo and a whistle.  Hope they’ll save some for the 4th.

They’re at it again, so we’re heading back out to the porch.

Love you all,
Mom
XOXOXOXXO

I was behind a lady about 60 yrs old at TJ Maxx and followed her to the carts. She was dressed really nice. She farted really HUGE 3 times!!

Backstory: My mom had posted something on her Facebook account about how hot it is where we live, and this is how she replied to someone agreeing with her.

The squirrels need pot holders to hold their nuts!