Hi — I’m sorry but I just have to revisit the idea of tattoos because I’m still having nightmares about tattooed bodies. I am having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that you really want to do this. The way I see it, you’re branding yourself as a certain type of person, when in fact you are many more things and will continue to grow in many more ways. This is a permanent statement which unfortunately many people won’t be able to get beyond and will stereotype you before you ever have an opportunity to have them get to know you. I’m not saying it’s fair – the way people think. Or, that it’s their loss for being so narrow minded. It’s also your fault for putting them in that position. Well, maybe you don’t want to associate with those that think that way. HOWEVER, you are shutting out people who may be lovely, too. If I feel it is an uneducated, unsympathetic, hard-core look – and I know you’re not that way, others won’t. Think about the people who you have yet to meet who would love you if they get past the first impression; of prospective employers who may not hire you based on appearance; of people who mistrust your judgment. There are other, unpermanent ways to make statements, with clothing and jewelry and make up – all things which can be changed to suit a mood or situation or opportunity – or even a change of heart! I am a believer in keeping options open. please reconsider.
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Awww…this is not funny! Her mom really doesn’t want her to get a tattoo, and she’s desperate to find a reason her daughter will like. I like this mom!
August 21, 2009 at 12:13 pm
I like it that she does everything she can to let her daughter know how she really feels about the tattoo. Seems like she wants an open discussion here. Way to go mom!
August 21, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Hummm…. I get her desire to convince against tattoos however, I have two! I work in I.T. and I am a professional Photographer! Educated, sweet, Great friend, Good wife and mother!
My Tattoos are well placed! I can hide them if I choose to, but I don’t! Because I love them!
This is a very personal choice…and truthfully people judge people every day on everything, hairstyles, clothing, language, nationality…
August 21, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Sometimes when you talk too much, people stop listening.
August 21, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Been there, done that, have the easy to conceal tattoo anyway.
August 21, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Yeah… This is not a good “don’t do it argument.” As far as people judging you… Well, don’t get a tattoo on your neck or forehead, maybe. The only people meeting me who might judge me on my tattoos are folks at the beach, because that’s the only place you can see them.
But, the email was very mother-like. :)
August 21, 2009 at 1:02 pm
This mom is totally right. I always judge people with tattoos negatively. I don’t care if you are the sweetest person on earth, your tat is ugly and makes a strong negative statement about you. I hope this person reconsiders.
August 21, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Her message of persuasion really is far fetched. I hope my daughter DOESN’T make decisions in her life based on what others may or may not think of her. It’s her life, her body….and if others choose to judge – then they don’t deserve to know her anyways. This mom needs to move on and get over it.
August 21, 2009 at 1:18 pm
I feel bad for this mom :( She makes good points and obviously cares very much for her daughter. Nothing funny about it!
August 21, 2009 at 1:53 pm
I feel bad for the daughter — what a judgmental mother!
August 21, 2009 at 2:04 pm
i have tattoos on my neck, but wear my hair over them in an office where i dress professionally and nobody seems to mind at all. neither have i ever been seen as “hardcore” or “unsympathetic” because of them. i do believe that a different mentality about self-expression is prevalent in today’s society based on the popularity of things like tattoos, piercings, or general self-expression through appearance in the younger (but soon to be in power) generations.
August 21, 2009 at 2:18 pm
I don’t think the mother is being judgmental at all, she’s just telling her daughter the concerns she’s having. If only more mothers were so honest and open with their children when it comes to expressing something they DON’T want them to do. The mom is right, this is something permanent and she is urging her daughter to really take that into consideration. It just shows that she cares.
As I was reading I realized that I judge people with tattoos too, I don’t mean to, it just happens – Not saying I’m not friends with plenty of people who have them, but I’m someone who gets over first impressions.
August 21, 2009 at 2:24 pm
I’m curious if there is a backstory? Are you getting a gang tattoo across your neck or something slightly more discreet? I have several and it took a while for my mom to stop worrying I had ruined my life.
August 21, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Isn’t this mother judging her? Those assumptions about other people are pretty bold. Most employers I have been with don’t care and they go to generation training and learn how acceptable tattoos are.
August 21, 2009 at 2:57 pm
Is daughter getting a full sleave or something? I think this is maybe a little overboard, but it’s hard to say without the back story.
August 21, 2009 at 3:15 pm
most of this is fairly rational – and a lot of what my mom worried about when my brother and i started getting tattoos. and it’s always good to consider tattoos and remember that they are, in fact, permanent and maybe you aren’t going to want that band logo on your arm forever. but what really bothers me is this part:
“I’m not saying it’s fair – the way people think. Or, that it’s their loss for being so narrow minded. It’s also your fault for putting them in that position. Well, maybe you don’t want to associate with those that think that way. HOWEVER, you are shutting out people who may be lovely, too.”
so, these hypothetical people are lovely, except for the fact that they dismiss you out of hand solely for having a tattoo. and it’s the daughter’s fault for putting them in the position of making narrow-minded judgments to begin with? that’s ridiculous. it’s one thing to dress professionally, and perhaps have to deal with hiding your tattoos at work. it’s quite another to constantly worry about what the world thinks of you – someone’s always going to hate your hair, or your clothes, or your tattoos. you cannot please all of the people all of the time, so why stress about it?
August 21, 2009 at 3:29 pm
My daughter has three tattoos and they are fine. Anyone who judges you on your ink isn’t worth your time. I’m also bothered by mom’s nasty commentary on how her daughter should kowtow to the narrow-minded and judgemental folks of this world. Here’s a note for Freddie – Take a look at yourself, buddy. I’m sure your not everyone’s cup of tea either and you certainly prove it when you open your mouth!
August 21, 2009 at 3:48 pm
I don’t think this mother is being judgmental – she is trying to SPARE her daughter from judgment. It’s a sad reality – society in general judges people who choose to have obvious tattoos. I own a women’s clothing store and I would not hire someone who had obvious tattoos unless they could cover them while at work – the same with eyebrow or lip piercings. My product is high end and my clientele is the type that would feel put off by a salesperson with obvious tattoos or piercings other than a discreet nose pin (my nose is pierced) or more than a double ear. It’s just business and its MY business. I have to think about my bottom line. If that’s judgmental, so be it.
August 21, 2009 at 3:53 pm
Mom makes sense. Sure, it might not be right for people to make judgements or assumptions about you based on your ink, but this is not happy-go-lucky perfect-world little-league T-ball where everybody gets a trophy and no one keeps score. This is the real world, where some people (some very important people, like employers) ARE going to judge you even though they shouldn’t. It only makes sense to conduct yourself according to the reality.
August 21, 2009 at 4:00 pm
I have 4 tattoos, 2 are small on my wrist and the other 2 are able to be covered on my back. I didn’t ask for my mother’s opinion or permission on my tattoos and were are extremely close. This mother sounds extremely judgmental and it seems like shes just projecting her own judgment on to others as a way to support her anti-tattoo position. This isn’t 1953, lots of people have them. Shoot my mom went and got one after I showed her my first one. People will judge you for being blonde, a brunette, for eating fastfood, for the music you listen to..etc. If it’s not the tattoo it will be something else. She needs to take a look at herself and her way of thinking.
Sincerely,
The girl with the tattoos who has worked at an uppity art museum in Manhattan and one of the top media licensing companies in the world, doesn’t seem like it’s a problem for me.
August 21, 2009 at 5:00 pm
My mother cried when I had my first tattoo, even though it was on my foot and hardly visible. She didn’t care at all about my brother’s facial piercing!
BTW – I have female friends from my partner’s (Maori) culture who have traditional facial tattooing (moko) and who are seen as beautiful, dignified, and feminine… it’s all about peoples own unconscious stereotyping as to whether they see tattoos as negative, positive, or neutral.
August 21, 2009 at 10:01 pm
This mother is great – she isn’t being judgmental at all! She is simply trying to get her child to think beyond what she wants now and think about the future.
I know many, many people with simple tattoos that can be well concealed during their “professional” lives. But many people today seem to get them larger and larger and, like it or not, but they do typically have a negative impact on how you are viewed. Where I work (nonprofit, youth oriented) visible tattoos are not acceptable. period.
If the daughter wants one – by all means, get it, but just be smart about what and where you get it and how it could impact your future.
Yah! mom for loving your child enough to express your concerns to her in such a mature way, Now it is up to daughter to decide for herself.
August 21, 2009 at 10:07 pm
My daughter has had a cover-able tattoo and a nipple piercing. I act neutral about it, but I am so pissed. It is ugly and PERMANENT.IT IS STUPID AND UGLY I HATE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO YOUR PERFECT BODY. You were more beautiful before you defaced yourself.
You will lose your youth before you know it and this crap will look like hell when every thing starts sagging. In less than 10 years you will be so past what these blemishes project. Your brain will evolve and mature, but your skin will be stuck in time. Very sad.
I would never say this to your face, and I love you forever anyway.
August 21, 2009 at 10:18 pm
Anyone who is narrow-minded enough to judge me based on my tattoos can suck it. And I’m a nice girl, with a nice family and a very good career. If people have misconceptions about me because I have a lotus flower on my wrist, well then… I don’t want or need them in my life. As I get older, these are exactly the people that I’m trying weed out of my world. I never thought of my tattoo as an a-hole deterent, but that’s reason enough to get more work done!
August 22, 2009 at 2:24 pm
I’m with OhioMom. People will stop listening at some point no matter how logical or well intended the lecture.
I didn’t get that the mom was being judgmental, just upset . Sounds like she has a need to “be heard” – don’t we all.
August 22, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Everyone lay off this mom! I couldn’t even read all of these comments…
This was, in its inception, a conversation between a mother and her child. No matter if you agree or disagree with the mother’s argument, don’t JUDGE her for it.
Everyone keeps calling her judgmental, but you have to realize, no where in here does she say she thinks people with tattoos are bad. She just says that there are associations made with tattoos that need to be considered and in fact, let’s face it – it is most likely those same associations that make tattoos so desirable for others. You know what i’m talking about: the live for today, i don’t care what you think association. Some people like it, some people don’t. and all this mother is saying is – you can have that lifestyle without that being permanently branded on your skin, so think about it.
just because she supports a different side of the argument than you, don’t judge her as a mother, because no one can deny that she sounds like she loves her daughter very much. tatted or no.
August 22, 2009 at 6:52 pm
I waited till I was almost 50 years old before getting my first tattoo–I now have four. The two artists that did my tats were the nicest, kindest, and most respectful young people I have ever met. And they both were covered in ink. I’m tired of people looking on those who have tattoos as anything other than very expressive individuals. And I couldn’t care less what anyone thinks of my tattoos–I love them.
August 23, 2009 at 1:04 am
wow! this subject seems to generate a lot of responses. I will add my own. I took my daughter, when she was 17, to have her eyebrow peirced. She went away to college, and got a star tattoo on her thumb. Almost broke my heart. She is now a teacher, with a master’s degree, and has removed the eyebrow thing (but you can still see it). The thumb tat is still there, and looks really stupid…her dad and grandmom still don’t know about it. …6 years later, hahaha.
August 23, 2009 at 5:50 pm
I think the mom is right… obviously it’s a personal choice, but in certain places and professions you will be judged for it. For example, I live in Japan, and you can’t go into hot springs if you have any tattoos because they’re associated with the yakuza.
It’s just about keeping your options open.
August 23, 2009 at 8:26 pm
Like it or not, a visible tattoo will disqualify you for advancement in most of corporate America. That having been said, undoubtedly the biggest opportunity for making money in the next 10-15 years will be walk-in places where you can get tattoos removed. I have a Matt Groening cartoon from 1996, entitled “Old Folks’ Home Conversation, 2050 AD”, showing two wrinkled, tatted and pierced old guys in chairs. The caption: “I see back in the nineties you were an idiot too.”
August 24, 2009 at 9:45 am
I’d rather spend time with tattoed people than those who can not seem to understand that we own our own bodies. If I wanted a big tattoo across my forehead than so be it!
I once dated a guy who trashtalked my friends after he had met them because they had visable tattoos. He said he found it disturbing and sick, so I turned around and pulled up my sweater and showed him the small tattoo I have on my back, and told him goodbye. But I find it sad that some people would let something like ink separate us into groups! :(
August 24, 2009 at 11:16 am
I have to say that it bothers me how people view tattoos. I have three and one of them has my daughters name above it. They all have a significant meaning, which I am sure is the same for most people who get tattooed. I can cover all of them except at the beach. My husband has several tats as well and I love them. This girl should get a tattoo if she wants to screw everyone. I am a teacher and I have seen other teachers with tattoos and eyebrow rings. I hope she finds one she likes and gets it! Oh and Freddie-get a life you judgmental a- -hole!
August 24, 2009 at 2:04 pm
I understand where the subject mom is coming from. My daughter, at 18, got a large tattoo which, fortunately, no one can see. It’s lovely still now, but it’s less than a year old. In 20 years, it will just look like a Rorschach gone wrong. But it’s her body, not mine. That being said, if it wasn’t so important to my husband and not important to me, I would have gotten one, too — he intensely dislikes tattoos. To his credit, he said nothing negative except “That musta hurt like a bitch” when she got hers done. At the end of it all, I admit to feeling like I painted a Mona Lisa and my daughter spray painted a happy face on it. It doesn’t detract, however, from how proud I am of the strong young woman she is becoming.
August 24, 2009 at 5:23 pm
I think its a shame to cover up such natural beauty with imperfect and ugly human designs…it is almost a crime.
August 24, 2009 at 6:56 pm
I am a recruiter, and mom is right. Visible tattoos and piercings in places other than ears will be judged, and the outcome will not lead to sucess in corporate America.
Depends what the daughter wants to do with her life.
I personally think tattoos are ugly anyway. Angelina Jolie in a beautiful evening gown ? Ruined by the tattoos.
August 25, 2009 at 4:21 am
These are by and large the same things my mother said to me before I got a (very large) tattoo. She now thinks it’s beautiful and wishes I put it somewhere that people could see it!
The negative view of tattoos is by and large a generational thing, I find, and probably regional as well. Being tattooed/pierced has not hurt the job prospects of my or my tattooed coworkers (one also has a mohawk, another, very visible neck tattoos and half-sleeves on both of her arms). What kind of job could tattooed freaks like us get? We’re teachers, and highly qualified, I might add, we all have Masters degrees. My coworker with the tattoos on her neck teaches kindergarten.
Not every tattoo is a good idea, and I’d discourage anyone from getting one without thinking about it for some time (I thought about mine for 7 years before making the leap). But tattoos are deeply personal and meaningful for most people who get them and connect the person to values and memories which sustain them in a way that a new scarf couldn’t do.
Finally, as a person of color, I am disgusted by anyone who is willing to discriminate against anyone. I can hear the choruses now of “but getting a tattoo is a choice. It’s not like skin color (or any of the other thousands of reasons we tell ourselves that we are better than the next person),” and I am not moved. Discrimination is experienced as discrimination no matter what the reason for it is. I make it a point to get to know people and learn about them. There are many people I find I don’t like, but it’s never because they are tattooed, rich, poor, Christian, uneducated, or gay etc. The idea that we need stereotypes to function in this world is a specious claim. For my part, I strive to teach my kids to take a stand against it.
August 25, 2009 at 3:24 pm
I enjoy how some of the more eloquent, well thought out responses are from tattooed people on this board.
I’ve read through the comments, and can’t help picturing the majority of nay-sayers as old fogies with no concept of modern times. I have several very large, very visible tattoos (I’m female), two high-paying successful jobs, a loving husband and have almost completed my bachelor’s degree.
It’s sad to think that just because it’s not something you find attractive, you would have the audacity to write someone off for having tattoos. Commenter who said Jolie is ugly in a dress? I don’t really think her or Brad Pitt really give two farts about whether or not she gives you a boner. Moms talking about their children defacing themselves? Get your head out of your arse, you should be proud your child has the individuality to get something beautiful added to themselves forever, rather than inheriting your close-mindedness.
Tattooed, your response is perfect, beautiful and well-written.
August 25, 2009 at 4:11 pm
How is condemning people for having tattoos any more judgmental than condemning people for not liking tattoos? I’m seeing as much judgment from the pro-tattoo camp here as from the anti-tattoo.
I’m a twentysomething liberal, who embraces all people and lifestyles, and has many many friends (a majority in some of my circles) who have tattoos. I would never reject someone for having a tattoo, but I still think of tattoos as a symbol of a desire to flaut the rules of society and social norms. ::shrugs:: Which is not necessarily a bad thing, and may be what you want to express – that’s certainly legitimate and even commendable in some ways. But, the mohawked kindergarten teacher aside, such a decision *does* carry potentially negative implications in larger society. Even as that society becomes increasingly dominated by younger generations – I’m proof that even young liberals aren’t all on the tattoo bandwagon.
August 26, 2009 at 9:12 pm
I have 6 tattoos. I work in corporate america and its actually become pretty common place to have tattoos. They have never caused any problems at work…or anywhere, really. Maybe if I had “Baby killer” across my forehead, then people would judge me. but i dont see the problem, in this day and age.
August 27, 2009 at 8:38 pm
I dont think this mother is worried about her daughter being judged. I get the feeling that shes more worried about what her friends at the yacht club will think about HER if she has a tatted up daughter. To think tattoos are ugly is one thing, thats fine, thats a matter of opinion. But to say that someone who has tattoos will not make it as far in life as someone without tattoos is really ignorant. Example: My ex best friend has no tattoos. I have several tattoos. (a few quite large). I have a great job in (GASP!!) corporate america. The friend..cant hold down a job for more than 3 months at time. I have a family and a dog and everything but the white picket fence. I spend my Friday and Saturday nights watching disney movies with a 3 year old. The tattooless friend: is addicted to alcohol and drugs and cant seem to keep herself out of the clubs and/or trouble. But I guess, since she doesnt have tattoos she is still more successful than me. I just love how some of you who are so against tattoos have a way of making opinion sound like fact. I happen to think Angelina Jolie looks great in formal dresses. I think her tattoos are better accessories than any million dollar necklace, because they have meaning. Yes, alot of people have ridiculous Tweety bird tattoos. But there are alot of us too who think deeply about everything we put onto our bodies. For alot of us the are meant to serve as a symbol of something we believe in, something that we have overcome, or to just tell a story. I think the meaning behind a tattoo is what makes them truely beautiful.I could keep going on with this rant, but I will stop.
August 27, 2009 at 9:16 pm
I have long been wanting a tattoo. What is stopping me? I’m a big old baby when it comes to pain, and the place I want inked is supposedly a place that will HURT (ankle–too bony). Anyway, I think the mom is being a good mom, or at least trying to. Whether or not she “approves”, she doesn’t want to see her daughter unfairly judged. As mothers, we worry about things we can’t control that can harm our kids. Somehow this mother’s love for her child has been overlooked and people just keep making judgments based on NOTHING. None of us (presumably) know this mom & child. But I do know what maternal love feels like and that’s what comes at me from this post. So, as a person who is pro-tattoo, I think we should lay off the judging and just smile at the mom’s overly-heartfelt argument against them.
August 28, 2009 at 11:19 am
This is a really well reasoned and written argument. Everyone should listen to this mom, not just her child.
August 29, 2009 at 2:28 pm
I don’t think I will end up getting a tattoo. I’m an artist and love images, but I also like to change it up frequently, and a tattoo is the opposite of “change it up.” I do have some unusual ear piercings, however, so maybe I’m already in the fold of the unacceptable. At any rate, my guess would be, despite my not having tattoos, I wouldn’t find myself likely to date anyone who thinks that tattoos are to be universally rejected. Not to put too fine a point on it, but people who are that maladaptive are often religious nuts.
September 5, 2009 at 8:40 pm
I’m glad I never got a tattoo. I used to want one but now that trends are changing and a more natural earthy-looking is in for both make-up and fashion, I realize it was just a phase that I was thankfully spared from in the 90s because parental signatures were required. For some people, tattooing is not a trend, though. If for this particular daughter/son it is a lifestyle, the mother probably would’ve been used to their child’s interests by now. However, if this is a move to be trendy, the child may want to reconsider and listen to his/her mother. I have a feeling it is the latter. If it’s a lifestyle, less room for regret but if you’re doing it because you think it’s fashionable… hmmm… take a look at a picture of yourself from just 5 years ago and think again, I’d say.
September 16, 2009 at 4:21 am