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it’s okay, someday when you come over, we will have a cocktail and just play les [paul] and mary ford and sing along with them. first karen carpenter, who used his technique in the most beautiful way, and now les. oh, boy.
pretty soon we’ll lose marilyn manson. i simply can’t do this anymore. love, kisses, and guitar strings…ma.
We can talk tomorrow….sorry I was a little down….I’m sure tomorrow will be better. And what’s up with this swine flu?? It should be the WINE flu and we could all drink to it!!!
xoxo Love you much,
Mom
Mom: Hey dad is just going on a bike ride, should I come over?
Me: Are you sure that is a good idea with that foot of yours?
Mom: YES, oh I see him leaving with NO helmet. What am I going to do with your F-in father?
Mom: want a dog
me: no do you
Mom: i might inherit a french poodle named coal
me: why
Mom: standard
smart
me: i don’t think i’m ok with that
Mom: and he lies down when i tell him too
thats more than dad does
Backstory: It’s Wednesday, I emailed my mom this morning to tell her how tired I have been this week. I haven’t received any texts or calls from her all week. I am not married nor do I have kids, I am 21 and live with my boyfriend and our new dog.
I have been texting you all week. And calling
I have really been worried about you. I text that if I didn’t hear from you this morning I would be stopping by your house and if you weren’t there I was calling the police.
I haven’t heard from you since Saturday!
That’s just crazy – even if you don’t want to talk to me (like your sister said you said) you at least text me something.
I love you, I’m so happy you are alive and breathing, and so sorry you are so tired. There is no rest for a working mother and wife. I love you bigger than the milkyway exponentially squared.
xoxox
Me: i should go into pharmaceutical sales
Mom: legally i hope
Backstory: Turned 26 today; mom has been yearning for grandchildren the past few years, but neither I or my siblings have any kids.
i was just thinking when i was your age i was divorced single parent with 2 kids. what are you waiting on???
Me: Did you get caught in the rain?
Mom: Yes & a drunk girl jumped under my umbrella & apologized 4 doing so. I felt bad 4 her & let her stay dry. Only in ny.
Me: Ummm what? It’s 3pm!
Mom: She smelled like sunday pre-shower on college party weekend.
Backstory: I sent my mom some photos from college just to let her know I survived through the party weekend before finals. My facebook photo she references was of me wearing a leopard print shirt (that wasn’t revealing at all).
What a good looking group of friends!!
Miss you. Where did you get the top for the facebook photo? Just me but animal prints always seem shady or cougar like….You still look beautiful….have not changed in two weeks….hope you look the same when you get home….I could not stand having an ugly daughter…yes, I am that superficial…..dodged another bullet….I guess then we could have gotten you plastic surgery.
Study.
Love,
Mom
Backstory: I got this at 2 in the morning the night my mom went to see “Thunder Down Under”, a male stripper show.
i didn’t rea
lize i like nipple rings
4:30 pm: Have u heard of va jay jay? learned it on oprah
4:41 pm: Soak your feet in brewed tea half hr a day for a wk to stop smell says dr oz
4:43 pm: Hangover cure- aspirin n water before bed egg coffee n aspirin in morning I LOVE OPRAH
Me: i know news travels slow, so wanted to let you know we had another earthquake
Me: everything’s fine
Mom: when?
Me: about 10 minutes ago
Mom: OMG. while you were still at work?! How did everyone react? Are you ok? Honey! Come home!
Me: mom, it’s fine
Me: ummm no one did anything
Me: it lasted like, 6 seconds
Mom: ok. did I tell you about my new tree?
You are invited to a retirement party for the pants I am wearing today – so out of date! OY – that’s when wearing a lab coat comes in handy.
See you later. xoo
Backstory: I’m the oldest of four, and my youngest brother, who’s 16, was coming to stay with me for a few weeks in San Francisco. The day before his flight, my mom and I were discussing what he should pack for his trip.
Me: make SURE you pack the deodorant
Mom: you better get a lot of air freshener
Me: ew
Mom: I knew you were going to say ew
don’t worry, he’s good about deodorant
Mom: should he check or carry on?
Me: carry on is easier
Mom: Right
remember we talked about little person, little clothes, little suitcase? Well, imagine your 6 ft brother. his pants take up half a suitcase
Just kidding
Me: tell him to bring some nice shirts
Mom: He lives in his basketball clothes
for better or worse
Me: those are fine for the gym
Mom: no. he wears them ALL the time
Me: but he needs clothes for going out
Mom: yeah. I’ll put it all together
make sure to watch him. I’ve guarded his virginity all these years… I’d hate to see him lose it in a few short days
Me: omg
Mom: what… SF is sin city, isn’t it?
I bought one of those undergarments that holds your fat in. You gotta choose carefully though. If you mush in the bottom it pops out the top and vice versa. Just FYI Love Mom.
Backstory: I’m planning my wedding and recently delegated a DIY project to my mom, complete with a link to an online Martha Stewart tutorial.
Hi. Great. I do SO want to help. Thank you. I already have some flameless tealights. I can get a few more. There is a kiosk in [local mall]. I also have some votive holders, which help to weight them down, as per Martha’s instructions. She is my friend, you know. I thought of adding her to the guest list, but held myself back. Not sure where the scissors got to . Will have a look.
We could do a work bee, but I’m thinking the invitations one is more important.
We just picked Daddy’s one and only Zucchini. We’re going to make it for dinner. Look at the size compared to daddy’s foot. Nice pedicure, HUH!!!
Love,
Us
Holy !@#$ I was just sort of rubbing my chin sitting at my computer and found a long hair!!!!!!!!!! Old ladies have hair coming out their chins! I am rapidly turning into your grandmother! Guess you will have to start giving me grandchildren soon so I can finish the transformation.
P.S. Do get married first though!
OK, since I’m now a friend with Anna, do I have to read every random thought and minute action she takes during the day every time I open my account? How tedious. She needs to twitter this crap. Tell me how I can avoid this, if it’s possible.
Love,
Mom
XOXOXOXO
I saw you called today! :(—- I missed it! I was busily winning FIRST PLACE in my golf tournament! We’re leaving tomorrow, so I’m busier than a 10-armed Paper hanger!
What’s news with you?
I tried a Cookies and cream drumstick. It had a chocolate cone, rather than a tan one. Got a nice little chunk of chocolate right at the end bite. Very well placed. Wonder if it was on purpose.
Had a mani/pedi/haircut/wax in prepartation of the Big Trip! got all my plants hooked up to the sprinkler system. I’ve just GOT to figure out how to cut down on the plants. By mid summer it is a total hassle. oh well…
so, let me know what’s up with you!
