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Mom: Just an FYI, I was in Penny’s room/closet last night looking for a video and while moving stuff around, was able to pull that blue tub that has some of your stuff in it. Right now, it’s on the bed in Penny’s room if you want to come over sometime to look around in it.
Me: Since when did Penny get her own room?!
Mom: When everyone moved out.
[Penny is a very fat, spoiled cat.]
Mom: I am going to watch a recorded Toddlers and Tiaras. It’s in Hawaii. Life is good
5 yr old hula
me: I hope there are tiny coconut bras involved
Mom: they are taking their 9 yr old or a tattoo right now
now they said it is not real
tease
me: oh man
I was hoping it was that eyeliner tattooing
Mom: a mother just said “hairspray contact high”
this is just soooooo strange
me: that’s why you like it
Mom: trying to decide whether to do tahitian hula or…hula hoop….sigh
Backstory: I had written my mom and told her that I was just trying to “maintain”. This was her response.
MAINTAIN- know you can do it. Be sure to take good care of YOURSELF. Don’t let anyone take advantage of YOU. ESPECIALLY NOT YOUR WORK! Will talk later. I thought that you and Diego were “an item”? Maybe it’s just the pressure of work. But we can talk if you want to. Don’t write back-know you’re busy.
Love, your mom who is full of advice
Hi!
I was thinking that you could run down to Rockefeller Center some morning and stand behind the rails for the Today show. You could let me know in advance and I could plan to watch so I can see you. Could you do this? Friday’s are a bad idea because they usually have live performances and they are mobbed with people. Other days, the crowd seems lighter. Or, you could send me a picture of you!
I miss you. Love, Mom
You won’t believe how amazing your Dad was last night! Of course I’m talking about Scrabble. I put down ZOO he then put down NUMERIC which made ZOOM on the triple and used all 7 tiles so he got 119 points. The I played something like TAP and he had SEDITION, this is the first time I’ve ever seen back to back all seven tiles used. We are going to be so “scrabble buff” by Thanksgiving. Talk to you soon, MOM
So go out there and make a new friend out of this guy and be open and non-judgmental when it comes to his shoes. Your outfit sounds absolutely perfect.
XXOO
MA
me: OMG!!! MOM!!! My dermatologist said my pimpleface is from hormones and TOO MUCH BOOZING!!!!
mom: gives a new meaning to booze face.
I ordered a Christmas present for you and had it mailed to the house in your name. Apparently it shipped today, so should be coming soon–so keep an eye on the front porch and DON’T OPEN IT. Don’t shake it, either. Just put it in a closet and WALK AWAY.
Mom: I have a favor to ask of you when you come home.
Me: Sure thing, what is it?
Mom: Can you help move the TV downstairs?
Me: No problem.
Mom: It’s the big one though. The one that’s cock heavy.
Me: What?!? You mean top heavy? Or cock eyed?
Mom: I guess both. Sorry.
Everything is fine – I’m bringing Charlie to the vet today, he was throwing up alot yesterday, but acts purrfectly fine. Just a precaution. When I called to make the appointment yesterday I felt like a bad mother when I said he had never been to a vet before.
I’ll let you know what they say. We bought a cat carrier for him and Dad offered to take him to my office for me so I wouldn’t have to go pick him up first. I would love to be a fly on the wall watching him put fat boy in the carrier (which is kind of small for him) :) :)
Talk to you later.
Backstory: For Halloween this year, my husband is going to be an Eagle Scout and I am going to be a pregnant Girl Scout.
It will be easier if you make a soap opera fetus…that velcros in back, I will tell you how later.
Anyhow, high-teased pigtails are best, you can pin tilt-Girl Scout hat in middle & put cockburro’s and pinestraw in the pigtails.
I have white lacy fold down socks with small green flowers in white lace…don’t know where but you don’t need if you’re going to wear fishnets.
Got to get, love you.
Mom
Backstory: My ex-fiance had a baby, and I sent my mom facebook pictures of the baby and the wife.
The baby is ugly and so is she.
Backstory: I ran into a guy I haven’t seen in the ten years it’s been since high school at a bar; I was telling my mom about it & asked if it was bad that I was hoping he was single.
Mom: of course that is not bad… it is day dreaming… dreaming is a life rope
Me: oh ok.
Me: i’ll trust you this time. :P
Mom: heh, my mother, on the other hand, used to always say, get your head out of the clouds
Mom: thank god i didnt listen to her
Sometimes… I think I’m having a panic attack.
And then I realize I just have to poop.
Backstory: My Mother’s reflection on the ways of the world after watching a Moose in the rut make love to a mailbox.
Mom: Men have enough blood for either their “manhood” or their brains but not both at the same time.
Me: truer words have never been spoken
Backstory: My mom & I are both members of the fiber site Ravelry.com; she crochets & I knit. My younger sister is expecting her first baby (a boy!), and mom sent me this private message within the Ravelry site. The “penis face” reference comes from me telling Ravelry how fun mom is & posting a pic of her modeling a penis mask at my sister’s bachelorette party.
So, are you going to start knitting for your new nephew? Of course, your sister thinks I am going to go crazy, as if it was any of HER business.
I think he will need lots of little socks & hats. Of course, at the rate I go, I’d better start something now to have it finished in Feb. Your afghan comes first. Love & miss you
Penis Face Mom
Backstory: My mom recently bought a phone with a qwerty keyboard for the purposes of texting so she could keep in closer touch. After a weekend of texts that said things like “ha ha, I’m texting you”, I stopped getting texts, so I emailed her to ask why.
Okay this weekend I am charging up my phone and getting at it. And if I don’t text please phone me and remind me. I just don’t even think of it. I have to make it part of my life, like a habit. Like wine or smokes.
Backstory: My parents have free-range chickens. My nephew named one of the roosters “Sally.” This also happens to be my mom’s name.
I just saved “Sally” rooster from the ugly beagle that has been hanging around here! I heard a terrible commotion outside and saw the beagle with “Sally” rooster in his mouth!!!…….put my boots on and grabbed the Tee Ball Bat….chased him around and finally got an opportunity to take a couple of swings at him! He cowered and yelped for a bit then got up and ran into the corn field…..had I not been home…….oh my! I will have to watch all day to make sure the chickens are safe!
:) Have a great day! Mom :)
I watched a real crappy show last night called Mercy. It was about nurses who are portrayed as sluts and know-it-alls. The acting was awful. I give it 3 weeks. The fall line-up sucks.
I need some Christmas ideas. Please provide me with a list at your earliest convenience. I will also need some ideas for DJ. I have the grandpuppy covered.
Thank you for your assistance in this important matter. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,Mom
