Backstory: My mom died when I was 14. Reading this site has made me realize that though I don’t have a mom, I do, at least, have her sister, who sets me (and my brother) straight about as often as a mom would. She’s currently mad that other, out-of-touch family members have said I haven’t “gotten over” the loss. Anyway, thank you, Post Cards from Yo Momma, for giving me a glimpse into adult mother/daughter relationships.
I just want you to know that I don’t expect to ever get over my sister’s death, and you will never get over your mother’s death. For anyone to tell you “get over it” is foolish. It will always be a significant part of your life, and hopefully, the greatest loss you have to suffer. We go on, we live life, we remember all the good, and we miss her. We won’t get over it, but the pain lessens and we can feel blessed she was in our lives at all. To this day, even your uncle says it was the saddest time of his life!
Hugs to both of you and Happy Holidays……
Auntie
having lost a brother and a dad before 30, I have to say that this is the BEST advice!! Keep that aunt close, she’s a smart one!!
December 18, 2009 at 2:02 pm
thank you for sharing this with us
merry christmas :)
December 18, 2009 at 2:12 pm
usually i come here to giggle at the posts. but today, this post totally melted my heart and made me tear up a bit. how wonderful for you to have an aunt who loves you like this.
December 18, 2009 at 2:35 pm
Beautifully said!
December 18, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Tears. Tears in my office.
December 18, 2009 at 2:48 pm
I lost my mom when I was three. This site is my window into motherhood. Be grateful for these crazy moms of yours, and lovely aunties too.
December 18, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Auntie speaks so eloquently, and every word rings true. We never really stop grieving, deep down. But it is important to remember the happy times and go on with life, ooh-blah dee-blah dah. : )
December 18, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Lovely post. Keep that aunt close to you. :-)
December 18, 2009 at 5:00 pm
Never commented here before – but I check the site every couple of days. I realized just this morning that one of the reasons I love this site so much is that it gives me a taste of adult mother/daughter relationships. My mom died when I was 21 – I’m almost 28 now, and not a day goes by without me wondering what it would have been like to have an ‘adult’ relationship with her. This site does make me miss her that much more – But also makes me look forward to the day (many many years from now) when I’ll (hopefully) have a grown-up daughter, and she’ll laugh at my outdated ways, or be shocked at the odd off-colour joke, etc… Anyhow, the point of this comment was – it’s somehow comforting to know that I’m not the only one who reads this site with a tiny bit of sadness behind the giggles. :)
December 18, 2009 at 5:50 pm
I was the one who sent this in – didn’t really think it would get posted, just wrote it so I could say how much I love this site, and how much it means to be able to see day-to-day Momness like this. And I am very, very lucky to have my aunt.
December 18, 2009 at 6:46 pm
thank you for submitting, thank you pfym for posting.
December 18, 2009 at 7:00 pm
Thank you so much for sending in this post.
December 18, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Yes, thank you for the share.
I lost my mom this March, after a short battle with cancer. Reading all the posts on here has become a catharsis for me.
I’m 35 and always hoped I’d go before she did, because I couldn’t handle the thought of being without her.
Love who you can, while you can, because tomorrow may never come.
December 18, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Crying. Totally crying.
We are all so lucky to have moms, and D, I’m sure your mom is looking down on you and smiling.
December 18, 2009 at 11:13 pm
You never ever “get over losing your Mom.” But with the gift of time, we learn the tools to deal with our losses a little better. Lost mine 5 years ago. Thank you for sharing.
December 19, 2009 at 12:30 am
I was practically raised by my grandparents, though my parents are still alive and well. However, I always thought of my grandmother to be my mother and admired her more than anyone in my life. I really looked up to her. When I was 17, she died after battling many problems for many years.
When people heard that my grandmother died, they assumed I shouldn’t care much. I don’t think anyone really realized how close I was to her. Thankfully, my boyfriend fully understood and told me that I can take the time I need to grieve.
I’m 20 now and your aunt’s advice is true. Yes, we do go on with life, I still laugh, I still love, I still enjoy things in life. But I will always miss my grandmother and will always have her hand print on my heart.
Don’t listen to people who tell you to “get over it.” Yes, life goes on, but this is a part of you. Your mother was a part of you and your life. You’ll go on living, but she is still a piece of you and there’s nothing wrong with missing her.
I wish you all the best.
December 19, 2009 at 12:39 am
I agree! They say time heals all wounds, but it’s a matter of opinion. My Mother died when I was 16. My eldest brother died two months later… those events shook me to my core. Years later, when I was 26 and my older sister was 31, she died unexpectedly on December 22, just before Christmas….leaving her husband and three year old son behind…..leaving me to be the oldest sibling! Who’d of thunk it? The pain of their loss, collectively and as individuals is unexpressable. I miss them all and always will. When I turned 45, I was the eldest woman in my surviving family! Needless to say I celebrated that birthday swimming and snorkling in the wonderful, colorful waters of Hawaii with my darling husband who loves me to my core. The deaths of my beautiful family members taught me the tragic lesson of living life to it’s fullest and never taking one single day or one single person for granted. I have lived rich life, raised wonderful kids and made certain I am contributing positively to our world…and at Christmastime is when I miss them the most… But, I cherish them in my heart and celebrate the rich full life I am blessed with today.
December 19, 2009 at 1:48 am
To the original poster, as well as others that have posted, I just want to say that I’m sorry for your losses. Losing a family member is never easy, no matter old you are. I have been lucky enough that I’ve only lost one close relative to date, my grandmother when I was 8, but reading your posts have made me realize how truly blessed I am to have my family, and how often I take them for granted. Thank you all for your touching posts, and for reminding me of what’s important this holiday season.
December 19, 2009 at 3:08 am
This made me cry, my Mum died 10 years ago exactly, I was 35 and I was certainly NOT ready to be without my Mum, I’m still not ready to be without my Mum, I miss her every single day of my life, she is always in my thoughts.
We had the greatest relationship and I think she would have loved this place, as she often had wonderful ‘moments’ with her own Mother, I get my Mum fix via here and it comforts me.
Merry Christmas dear PFYM Ladies (and gents, if any).
December 19, 2009 at 7:28 am
I lost my Mom when I was 2, and was raised by two amazing Grandmothers. My daughter is now 27, and I pray that all of you who have lost your mothers will have such a wonderful daughter. I treasure her and our relationship, maybe because of losing my Mom, or maybe just because she’s the amazing person she is!
Blessings!
Beth
December 19, 2009 at 9:23 am
Thank you so much for sharing this!! I can’t imagine losing my Mom…I get teary just thinking about it. I cried while reading this…maybe I’m just hormonal but it touched me. *hugs* to you!!!
December 19, 2009 at 2:21 pm
D – I’m so sorry for your loss, and you are indeed lucky to have your aunt, but she’s equally lucky to have you.
December 19, 2009 at 3:01 pm
What a GREAT Auntie!!! I just love her. Of course you will never “get over it”. What a ridiculas thought. Hugs to all……….
December 19, 2009 at 3:08 pm
I lost my Mom when I was 25 and not a day goes by that I don’t think or miss her especially since I am planning my wedding now. I read this site often and giggle at the things that are submitted because I think my Mom would have made this site on numerous occasions. Keep your Aunts close – mine is my constant connection to my mom – I wouldnt give her up for the world!
December 21, 2009 at 3:26 pm
so glad this was posted! my mom died at 43 a couple years ago and i read this site because it reminds me of her. moms are awsome :)
December 22, 2009 at 10:02 am
beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing this. I don’t think this site has made me cry before. :) Bless you and your brother (and your wonderful, wise aunt) and Happy Holidays.
December 22, 2009 at 11:25 am
Brandi @9, are you me? I want to second everything you said, down to the age I was when I lost my mom and where I’m at now. And it is nice to know that I’m not the only one reading the site wistfully.
If my mom was still around I think she would probably have her own column on this site :)
December 22, 2009 at 11:30 am
Whoa.
I ALSO lost my mom at 14 (I’m 23 now), and she also would have made it on this site frequently with the stuff she used to come out with. :)
I had just sent the site to my brother when I saw this post. My brother’s the only other person I know who would understand why this site is both funny and sad.
To quote the previous poster: “It’s nice to know I’m not the only one reading this site wistfully”.
P.S. You’re definitely lucky to have that aunt.
December 22, 2009 at 2:08 pm
@ Emma – What a lot of loss you’ve endured, as so many others of you as well.
Thanks for reminding me how fortunate I am to have healthy parents and in-laws.
December 22, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Another shout out to the motherless daughters and sons here. I lost my Mum earlier this year, and I miss her every day. I loved her very much and reading the posts on this blog reminds me of the vibrant, fun, loving relationship we had. I know my Mum never really made peace with the loss of her own mother (22 years ago) – you could almost feel Mum’s pain whenever my Granny was mentioned, and she avoided mentioning her most of the time – and I hope I can continue to remember the good times I shared with my Mum, even though it’s sometimes sad. I hope I don’t ever “get over it”, I hope that the sadness gradually fades and the memories of my wonderful Mum go on with me. And I wish the same for all of you with your losses.
December 23, 2009 at 12:01 am
I can’t even tell you how cathartic sending this in has been for me. I don’t know any women or girls who’ve lost their moms, not even my father or his wife, and here I submit to PFYM, of all places, and find a veritable support group of other people who’ve been through it, and feel the same way. Thank you, everyone, and thank you Postcards from Yo Momma. I shared your comments with my Auntie, and she said it was the best Christmas present she could imagine.
December 24, 2009 at 12:48 am
D- I had to comment again and say – thank you so much for sending it in. You’re definitely not alone. I also don’t know anyone else who’s lost their mom.
Christmas for me is especially tough, as I’m sure it is for you and all the other posters who have lost their moms. I always think about her, but somehow the holidays put her to the forefront of my mind much more often and it can get difficult.
I want to wish all you other motherless kids a very merry Christmas! (((hugs)))
On the off-chance anybody out there ever wants to chat, shoot me an e-mail: jessicacdavis@gmail.com. Yeah, we’re strangers, but it helps to know you’re not alone when dealing with something like this.
December 24, 2009 at 11:37 am
D – I second Jessica’s email – I’m at tgladek@hotmail.com if you want to “talk.” My mom makes me nuts sometimes, but she’s my mom, and I’d go nuts without her. Thanks for reminding me to appreciate what I have. Hugs!!!!
December 26, 2009 at 3:12 am
I was 10 when my mom died- I am 47 now and I miss her every day. Every single day. Unfortunately I didn’t have a mother-figure after she died but I pay homage to mom by trying to be the best mom I can be to my 2 girls (one 24 and one 13).
December 26, 2009 at 11:06 am
I am so glad I found this thread. I just lost my mom on December 9th. This has been the hardest Christmas imaginable. PFYM makes me laugh and remember the great and hilarious things about my mother. I am so glad there are others who are looking here for the same thing. Thank you for reminding me that loving and missing my mom is something to be proud of. It means she was a great mom while I had her.
December 27, 2009 at 11:49 am
Echoing the sentiments of many here, I too thought I was alone in coming here to read and remember my mother. I didn’t tell anyone about my visits here because I thought they’d think it morbid or something, but I can see now that it’s really, really not. I had a PFYM-esque relationship with my mom while I was in college, and I now cherish that time. She passed away my senior year, when I was 21, and I am 23 now. I just know she would have loved this site and it makes me think of her fondly. Thanks you guys, and thanks D, for saying what I have been thinking since I found this site! williams.meryl@gmail.com
December 30, 2009 at 3:30 pm
I lost my mother when I was 23 and both of my younger brothers before I was 41. I love this site because it reminds me of my mom, but also of the wonderful stepmother, grandmother, aunts and older women in my life who have been like mothers to me. No one will ever replace my mother in my heart, but I have been surrounded by motherly love my whole life, and for that I am grateful. Thank you for posting, and for bringing us all together. Now we know we are not alone. Bless you, all of you, and yours this holiday season.
December 30, 2009 at 8:53 pm
My mother died when I was 3 and I am now 22.. Auntie is definitely wise. You’ll never ‘get over it’ and that’s not a bad thing. Your mom is a big deal. I love this website and it’s brought me a lot of comfort and laughs during an otherwise drearier time of the year. It was a pleasant surprise to click the comment button and see so many other people like myself :)
January 2, 2010 at 5:13 am
You never get over it, and anyone who tells you that you should is an idiot. I love PFYM because it reminds me of conversations with my Mom – and the conversations I wish I could have had with her since she died in 2002.
January 5, 2010 at 2:43 pm
Aunts are great aren’t they! I’m glad you have such a great one reminding you to feel blessed for the time you had with her, some days its hard to do.
My mom died when I was 11. I have not been able to stop reading this site – It makes me sad, happy and laugh very hard. It makes me look forward to the day when I have kids of my own and make them laugh with the silly things I will say.
January 7, 2010 at 3:54 pm
I’m 60. I lost my mother 8 years ago. No matter how young (or old) you are, I believe you will NEVER get over losing your mother. I haven’t….. and I never want to. My mother was my best friend. I miss her every day.
But you do have to trudge on and enjoy your life.
Remember all those who have gone before you and be memorable to all those who will follow.
January 7, 2010 at 4:28 pm
My sister introduced me to this site recently, and I have been going over the “best of’s” and laughing a lot. This one, while it didn’t make me laugh, was one of my favorites. I lost my mother at 15, and would never have made it through without my wonderful aunt, my mother’s sister and only sibling. While I do not have the adult mother/daughter relationship that a lot of people do, I do have an adult aunt/niece relationship that it almost as good. Thank you, “D” for sharing this. Even though it is such a horrible thing to lose a mother, I am glad to see that you have someone there for you that is as wonderful (it seems!) as my aunt has been for me.
January 24, 2010 at 9:48 pm
I’ve been reading this website for the past few days, laughing mostly, but also missing my mom’s truly out-there comments. She passed away almost 5 years ago, when I was 23 – she had just started texting and emailing. I’m sure I’d have tons of gems to post today if she were still here.
Thanks PFYM and to the person who started this thread – bittersweet but important to remember all the wonderful ladies who’ve passed on, and those who’ve gotten us through the pain. We never get over it. We laugh, we cry, we remember. All the time.
January 12, 2011 at 12:33 pm