Mom: Please add to cookbook. I made it last night. It’s some good shiz.
Me: You KNOW how much I LOVE good shiz.
Mom: Shut your trap or it’ll be nothing but real shiz for you this Christmas.
Worse Than a Lump of Coal
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"My grandma is always talking about all of these low-fat recipes she makes, then criticizes me for not slathering butter all over the bread when I make grilled cheese."
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