Mom: What happens if you unfriend someone on Facebook?  Do they know it was you?  I signed on a number of people from work because I didn’t know what I was doing but really don’t need them on my Facebook.  I can always ask them things at work or send an email if I want.
Me: I think they just drop off. No notice is sent to them. If you want, unfriend me and I’ll let you know if anything happens. =)
Mom: You won’t get mad and not take me back??
Me: I promise to refriend you. You’re stuck with me for life. =)

me: you see this? <iPad Link>
mom: yes. looks reallynice
me: yesh. my boss is planning on getting one…. geek
mom: yep. perfect for a post meno woman
me: 10 hours active use, that made me think of you
mom: u just want me to get one so u can check it out
mom: forget the netbook i want a kotex

Mom: HEY BABE!
Me: Hello Momsie!
(19 mins later)
Mom: I AN EATING A BIG MAC. WILL TALK TO YOU LATER.
Me: I see where I stand in the order of things!
(16 mins later)
Mom: IT WAS A GOOD BIG MAC. LOTS OF THE SECRET SAUCE

Mom: Hi pumpkin!

AIM away message: Hi Mom, since you haven’t yet grasped aim fully, I just want you to know, I’m not ignoring you. this is an automatic pop up when I’m not here, please don’t leave anymore passive aggressive messages for me to return to.

Mom: well did you have to put that up for the world to see?

Mom: Why aren’t you answering me? You just wrote something 2 seconds ago. Where did you go?

Mom: One of the boys at school found my home phone number and called and left a dirty message about what he wants to do with my ass.
Me: Really?? What did he say?
Mom: I don’t know something about he wants to pop it, or spank it.
Why would he like my ass?
Me: What exactly did it say, humor me.
Mom: Yo, Mrs.— I’m going to pop a cap in your ass.
Me: Omg Mom that means he wants to kill you.
Mom: Really? I thought he liked me.

Mom: Mo?
Me: Mom, I can’t talk right now. I’m working.
Mom: No no no it’ll just take a minute.
Me:…
Mom: I’m Team Edward. What’s the other team?
Me: *sigh* Team Jacob.
Mom: Okay, that’s the team your father’s on. go bye i love you.

Mom: I had ome margarita 5 hours ago and I am still loopy.
Me: One, huh?
Mom: Well I tried to spell it, but I am also tanked on Ambien so goodnight, smart ass.
Me: TANKED! HA!
Mom: A mother on Ambien is altogether different than a mother. With that said, I am retiring to my bedchambers. Unfortunately McSteamy will not be joining.

Mom: Darling, I was just talking to Ms. X the neighbor and we realize you have never brought a boy home to meet us. So I just want you to know, I will fully support you and love you if you are a lesbian.

Me: Not a lesbian, stop talking to nosy neighbors, this nuttiness is why I don’t bring men home to meet you.

Mom: What’s the name of that radio station you told me about? THe online one? Music Whore or something?
Me:…It’s called slacker radio…..

Me: Soooo….the boy that I met through Sara…ya know – remember? I’ve been talking to him a little and I think I kinda like him. We’re hanging out next week.
Mom: YAY!  Is ‘hanging out’ a new phrase for going out on a date?
Me: Yeah….. “hanging out” is what guys say now for everything…
Mom: SOOOOO glad I’m not 25!  SOOOOO glad!

Backstory: I am 23, and got divorced about 6 months ago.  I am now dating someone who is 38.  My mother is terrified that I might not have babies.

Mom: So you and M are planning on getting married?

Me: Uhhh…yeah.  Why do you ask?

Mom: Well, you were going to have babies.

Me: Uh-huh…

Mom: And you were on the five-year plan…

Me: Uh-huh…and I still am.  I’m getting pregnant in September 2012.

Mom: Oh, ok…how old will Michael be when you have the baby in 2013?

Me: 42.

Mom: WHAT?!  He will be 60 when that kid graduates.

Me: Mom, are you suggesting I break up with my boyfriend?

Mom: NO!  I’m suggesting you have babies NOW!

Backstory: I came out to my mom this last summer and she is awfully curious when I’m going to be bringing home a boyfriend.

Mom: Adam Lambert on Oprah – He is pretty cool.  I would like him to be your boyfriend.  He could pay your student loans!   Tweet That!
Me: Oh my goodness mom.
Mom: :-) oh come on… you know it’s a good idea.  I could borrow his nail polish!
Me: You’re hilarious.
Mom: Cute boyfriends with cosmetics should be an advantage for me!   Work with me!
Me: I’m all for it.  Send him an email and set something up.
Mom: He should be so lucky to date you!