Home is Where the Mom Is
I just want to tell you I hope you come home soon. I really miss you. I don’t know why. I think it is the earthquakes.
Love,
Mom
Mom Was a Showgirl
Me: You know you’re at a classy restaurant when they are advertising their new location as ‘next to platinum showgirls’
Mom: Yeah I start work there tomorrow
Swallow After Reading
Can you email me how to save something from my excel file to a disk? I don’t want anyone here to know how dumb I am.
Thanks. Please swallow this email after you read it.
Bobble Head Pope
Backstory: I can’t provide a backstory, as I’m still trying to figure out why she sent it. She’s not even Catholic.
OK,
A bobble head Pope was just featured on the Today show for sale in DC.
Now, will they be available in Rome :) Of course this one has the wrong color hat on!!
I knew they existed.
Learning the Ways of Facebook: Friends and Farmville
It’s mom here! Cindy got me on facebook and it said that you have two new friends! I’m so glad you have friends. Also I think my cows are exploding?? Can you send me a milk machine??
Love, Mom
Trapped With Dad and Bro
Backstory: My mom lives with my dad and 17-year-old brother. I asked if we were invited to my cousin’s wedding.
Don’t know. I would guess so. I cant think about such trivia now. . . We are in the process of having another blizzard here. and i am trapped with the 2 whack-nuts for the 4th time in 2.5 months. This is like being pecked to death by a chicken
Case of Mistaken Chat Identity?
Mom: How are you? Haven’t heard from you in a while…
Me: i’m great! all is well here.
Mom: How do I know this is you? What is my middle name?
Me: it’s Lucille! you watch way too many crime dramas
Fart Credit
hey bub- got dad to & from the surgery center- he had no pollips or anything of any concern. They told him that the procedure filled him with air and the faster he could pass it out, the faster we could leave. The nurse said, “Just rip ‘em!” and boy- he did! all the recovering people were just in a big room with curtains seperating them- the lady next to your dad was having a terrible time coming out of the anesthesia and expelling her gas. Her husband kept trying to get her to stay awake & to fart- every time your dad farted, he thought it was her & the husband would brag on her, She’d just say, “that wasn’t me.” I got tickled after a few times of her getting the credit for all dad’s farts!
Today in Mom News: Introducing the New Boyfriend
Here at Postcards some of our favorite entries have been from moms reentering the dating world. The website momversation asks the excellent question: When should your kids meet your new man? We would love to hear about all your experiences in the comments–both from moms who are dating and the kids who have met new boyfriends. Just think, it couldn’t be much worse than if your mom brought home this guy. [Momversation]
I Hope Your Two Broken Arms Heal Soon
Yes, your father & I will attend your wedding. Many have received their invitation and have mentioned it to me, so they have been successfully delivered. Hopefully you are getting a good response on your end.
I hope your two broken arms and sprained fingers heal soon so that you may telephone us once again.
Sigh.
Love you!
Mom
There Was a Lot of Paperwork Involved
I dreamt that you had a pet goat, and when I cam to visit you wanted me to get rid of it. There was a lot of paperwork involved. It’s name was Danielle.
Love you,
Mommy
Twilight: A Critique
Backstory: I was telling my mom that I need to go see her in FL…..and apparently she thinks I wrote the twilight series….
Correct me if I am wrong, But I don’t remember extending an invitation to you.
As long as I am writing I have a bitch to make. I am half way through the second book of the twilight series and was really kind of enjoying them UNTIL her first boyfriend was a vampire and now her second one is a werewolf. I can’t wait til the third book. I figure she will hook up with the mummy or frankenstein or superman or a transexual midget or an alien or who knows what. I am not convinced that I will continue through to the end of this one so I think probably the third one is out of the picture. I went to go to the beach and found out the road was closed because of the bridge. It is the first warm sunny day in a long time and I am pissed. Oh well.
Enough rambling
Love you lots and lots
mom
Happy-ish Birthday
Tomorrow is your birthday…yady yady pooh pooh
My Googilly
Mom: I like pantyhose. It holds in my googilly. I’m a grandma a proud of it.
Me: Are you drunk? What’s a googilly? And you are not a grandma.
Mom: I’m a step g’ma through marriage and no I’m not drunk. Googilly is what continues to move long after you stopped.
Me: Are you drunk? What’s a googilly? And you are not a grandma.
Mom: I’m a step g’ma through marriage and no I’m not drunk. Googilly is what continues to move long after you stopped.
That’s Not My Name!
Backstory: We checked my birth certificate, I was right- it’s “Claire”.
Mom: Clare- Take out trash and empty dishwasher
Me: Wow, the person who named me doesn’t know how to spell my name, what a joke. I believe my birth certificate says “Claire”, I also believe I have been spelling my name “Claire” for the last 17 years.
Mom: Actually I believe your birth certificate says “Clare”…. so are you going to take out the trash and empty the dishwasher?
Me: You’re kidding, right?
Mom: No… now go take out the trash!
The Tax Mum Cometh
Backstory: I have lived in Austria for ten years, my Mum is in the UK. She knows nothing about the tax system in Austria, nor does she have any idea what I earn, so the figures are just completely made up.
Mum: As you will be half way through the tax year when you stop working at the end of September you might find that you get some tax back, probably about £500. Or they might make you pay less tax.
Me: ? I haven’t paid any tax in the UK since 1999.
Mum: I mean in Austria.
Me: The system is completely different. You needn’t worry that I don’t know these things.
Mum: Well, just saying. I don’t know what you know.
Me: I know everything.
Mum: I thought so!
Mum: Oh and don’t send me any more text messages, they’re expensive.
Letting the Internet ‘Tude Fly
Mom: Question: do you want a senior portrait?
Me: mehhhh
Mom: What the bleep…?
Me: I don’t want a picture of me in front of an Olan Mills background holding a graduation cap
Mom: Well, that DOES sound kinda crappy
Me: Plus, I don’t really feel that connected to my class or anything, so the yearbook isn’t a big deal
Mom: Um, OK.
Me: What, are you my 14 year-old-daughter? I don’t like your internet ‘tude, young lady
Mom: No, y’know, just messin with sounds, feelin my oats,playin fast n loose w/ punctuation. An it’s wild, baybee, WILD!!
Me: Ma, you crazy.
Mom: So is this all being preserved forever in some bomb-proof cyber data storage capsule er sumpin?
The Most Popular Posts of Last Week!
Last week’s highest-rated posts taught us secrets about aluminum foil, reminded us that moms need fashion advice for Erykah Badu concerts, and made us consider the difference between brownies and “miniature chocolate bites.” Enjoy!
3. How to Have the Best Valentine’s Day (Maybe)
5. President of the I Can’t Stand David Cassidy Fan Club
7. Dessert Psychological Warfare
Today in Mom News: Olympian Mommas
Babble has a nice list up of all the Olympians who are also moms. Out of 207 women in the winter Olympics, only 15 have kids, and most of them are curlers–including Canada’s Kristie Moore, who is competing in Vancouver while she’s 5 months preggo. Yahoo’s Shine wonders if Olympians are too competitive to be moms, a pretty silly question if you ask me. What do you think about moms who are also Olympic athletes? Did you ever spend a lot of time training for an amateur athletic event (a marathon, a swim competition) as a mom? How did you balance your free time with your athletic pursuits? [Babble, Shine]
Figuring Out Google Buzz
Mom - Buzz – Public
u do realize both of your responses can be seen, right? does that mean i can’t say my usual dirty old lady stuff????
