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Do you want to see Zodiac with me, I saw him when I was a child, he was in the alley at my school Holy Angels, no one believes me but I DID!!!!!!!!!!!
Return the movie or I will make you soylent green and eat you!
How are finals going?
Mom
Me: Did you remember to change our Comfort Inn reservation for the trip back?
Mom: No – thanks. I’ll do that right now
Mom: I can’t find it. Did I send you the itinerary?
Me: yes
omg and you made it for kingsville
not waco
hahahahhahahaha
Mom: Ha ha. You’ll be old and dim and have saggy upper arms some day.
Mom: [Friend] bought a necklace exactly like one I bought last month, and that is so wrong and I am pissed.
Mom: and she did that with our dining room set too
Mom: so annoying
Mom: don’t you think that is wrong?
Me: yes why would she want to wear the same thing as you!
Mom: because she wants to be me
Mom: grrrr
Mom: k byeeeee going to her house for greek food and stalking of me
Me: haha okay bye
Mom: she will probably eat like me, dress like me, and talk like me soon. Beware of my doppelganger!
Honey, be careful during the olympics, there’s going to be so many extra people and probably lots more rapists. And you’re a perfect target for a rapist because you’re cute and small. You’re really easy to carry off because you’re practically pocket sized. So just look ugly when you go out. Wear your hair in a pony tail or something.
Also btw, the True Blood dude is hot and all, but I DON’T GET THE VAMPIRE THING!!!! Is sucking your blood supposed to be some sort of code for cunnilingus???
Had the driveway cleared, on Sat., so the family could park w/o wading in snow up to their yooyoo’s………It snowed again, kept snowing, kept snowing. The driveway is drifted in again (worse than before), but the sun is shining, so that’s a plus!!!
Backstory: My dad is the kind of guy that Tivo’s every show about aliens on tv.
Mom: tomorrow dad is on a liquid diet….he’s being probed on thursday…i told him i bet he wishes aliens were doing it
HI – Just looked at it – it’sspooky!!!!!
my keyboard space bar issticking. Ryan blew in air but it’sstill sticky.
drivingmenuts!!!!!
no spaces.I’m mmmmmmmmmmmmmnsssssssssssssssmm,mmmkkmmmmmmmm
There – I just pulled it off and shoved it back on and it’s working~!!!!!!
how did your meeting go?
Mommeeeooo – now itmakesnotise and doesn’t seem to be working any better unless i hammer the key
Backstory: I wrote an email to my mom telling her I was hungover Monday after staying out late on Superbowl Sunday. I said, “I guess I’m just too old to go out on Sunday nights!”
Too old to go out on Sunday night? Need 8+ hours of sleep? Exercise? Eat Healthy? WHERE IN GOD’S NAME DID I GET YOU?????????? HAHAHA
Backstory: My dad and I have a standing phone call on Sundays.
mom: well I must get going dad having colonoscopy and needs a ride home
me: thanks for sharing!
mom: I suspect they should be calling me anytime
you’re welcome I like to keep you up to date so you’ll have something to talk about on Sundays
Me: I just got a new laptop. It has a webcam built in.
Mom: Why do you need a webcam?
Me: So that I can see and chat with my friends that live far away.
Mom: Just don’t be a weirdo and sit in your underwear when you’re on that thing.
Me: Really mom? What kind of daughter do you think you raised?
Mom: Its something I would do.
Me: OMG. I only sit in my underwear when no one can see me.
Mom: Weirdo
Dear Smith Boys,
Since I noticed the lack of thoughtfulness on, my birthday and Mother’s day/or the “Gee this reminds me of mommy gifts,” and ALL OTHER
OCCASSIONS I have included a list of acceptible gifts for future reference.
Perfume: Clinique-”Happy”
Estee Lauder -”Beautiful Sheer Paradise”
Take your father and me out to dinner ***This one is also acceptable
for Fathers Day which is June 16th*****
UoI gear-***This one is also acceptable for Fathers Day which is
June 16th*****
Chicago Bears gear-***This one is also acceptable for Fathers Day which is June 16th*****
Cards- either for occasion or just because I do so much!
Flowers-Sent to work would be best!!!! So I can OHHHH and AWWWW
Tickets to the movie theater
Gift Cards to:
Cold Water Creek
Chico’s
Home Goods/Marshalls
Macy’s
Love your dismayed mom
Did you get to see the picture of my tattoo? I hope you like it but I really don’t care because I like it and that is all that matters. Your 2nd set of flowers is doing really well. I guess that you just have to send dead ones first so that I get nice one after the first one dies. I bought a bicycle at a garage sale. I decided that I was getting bored with just walking. The only problem that I can see is that every path that I would take has an uphill part at the end. I will probably have to walk my bike back to the house which kind-of defeats the purpose of riding a bike. I was thinking that I could drive my car down to the bottom of the hill, walk back to the house to get the bike and then bike back down, load the bike in the car and then drive home. But, again, that kind of defeats the purpose of having a bike. We’ll see. I will probably not ride it very much and then I will sell it at my own garage sale. Are you still seeing that guy (I can’t remember what his name is) Love you.
Backstory: My dad works in IT.
Ok your dad thinks he’s a gangsta rapper now and he wants to know if you know what street cred is.
Backstory: I’m not on valium or any kind of drug.
Hi Honey -
Do you have any extra valium? And I’m not even kidding!! I have run out and am in desparate need of some sleep. I sleep for maybe 4 hours then wake-up and my mind takes off . . . and I can’t get back to sleep. Too many things going on. I really need 8-9 hours to function well. I would prefer not to have to go to a doctor here, so I just thought I would ask. You could mail them to me – 3 day service.
XO
Mom
Remember that you are from NJ and that your mom is Italian. If V [former landlord] continues to be a pain ,a hit can be arranged for about $750. When you get your deposit back you will be ahead $550.
I read that a woman was awarded $20 million because her baby got stuck in her birth canal for 13 hours. That’s $1.54 million per hour – I think that’s a bargain. I believe the child suffered severe handicaps but that’s nothing compared to what the Mom went through. Although it could be said ”Man up, this is childbirth”.
Love, M
Backstory: I’m dating a guy who is not liked by any member of my family. He can be crass and uncouth at times, but he can also be charming and charismatic.
Bad boyfriends are like a pair of Jimmy Choo stilettos. You want them so bad when you first see ‘em and you end up shelling out way too much money just so you can call ‘em yours. When you finally bring them home, you realize they don’t really go with anything else in your closet (life). You hope for that rare day when you get to dress ‘em up and show ‘em off thinking all the other gals will envy you but when you do, they cause you nothing but pain, they wear out too quickly (if you know what I mean) and they end up sitting around your house, being useless, collecting dust. And those other gals? Not envious. My point? Throw ‘em out of the house and go shopping.
Backstory: I gave my mom the Postcards book for her birthday a few weeks ago. It’s really got her thinking.
OK,
Now that I’ve read the book about emails from yo momma, if I think about sending something cute-sy or have some thing hilariously funny to say (which I do have from time to time) I’m thinking someone (not you prolly) would think I’m just staying awake at night trying to think of cute-sy stuff so make I’ll make the second edition of the book “Mo funny stuff from Yo Momma” when really we could’ve been in the first edition if only the authors knew us. Just some randon thinking here.
Yo Very Own Momma
Lookit! I can now do this 300 times per month! Get ready for text extravaganza!
