Mom: I’m going to kill your father
Me: Don’t tell me these things, that’s premeditated murder, you’re going to get more time in prison for that.
Mom: Right, but you have to understand that I expect you to lie for me on the stand anyway.
I Expect You to Lie for Me
Leave a Comment »
-
"My grandma is always talking about all of these low-fat recipes she makes, then criticizes me for not slathering butter all over the bread when I make grilled cheese."
— Josh
-
- Butt Dialing, Septic Tanks, Valentines. (4)
- How Mom REALLY Feels About Sesame Street (2)
- The Joys of Aging (1)
- Anj: Oh dear. 62 is not old! :) LOL on the bowels…
-
-
-
Past 7 Days
Past 30 Days
6 Months
All Time
- 1. Good Luck with Your Mutant Ear +18
- 2. Do You Need Therapy Now? +10
- 3. The Joys of Aging +9
- 4. Way Harsh, Mom +9
- 5. Happy Milk Day +8
- 6. We’re Gone For A Day, We Might Die +8
- 7. Christ in a Clown Suit +7
- 8. How Mom REALLY Feels About Sesame Street +7
- 9. In Case of Charles Manson +5
- 10. Butt Dialing, Septic Tanks, Valentines. +5
- 1. Climbing & Unwrapping Are Skills of Mine +30
- 2. Flip Flops, Taco Bell–Your Generation’s Going to Hell +26
- 3. If I Die, Tell Them What I Ate +22
- 4. What is a “Cannabis User”? +22
- 5. Patience Is a Virtue +22
- 6. I Didn’t Just Fall Off the Turnip Truck +21
- 7. You’re the Best Adult Vomiter I Know +21
- 8. Have I lost my “Hotness” ? +19
- 9. Trick or Treat? +19
- 10. Which One Wants to Pull the Plug? +18
- 1. Don’t Passive-Aggressive-Smile-Face-ME +1496
- 2. Mom, Dad and Facebook: A Dangerous Combo +1162
- 3. Get me out of here! +1054
- 4. Hear me…RABBITS. +1015
- 5. The Grown-Ass Woman’s Club +1014
- 6. What Mom Learned From AARP +973
- 7. Sometimes a Snake is Just a Snake +951
- 8. How to Save Your Marriage +911
- 9. Spring Cleaning? +871
- 10. What Men Want +813
-
Past 7 Days
Past 30 Days
6 Months
All Time
- 1. I Have Fun Too (0)
- 2. In Case of Charles Manson (0)
- 3. Mom's Hip with the Lingo (0)
- 1. Butt Dialing, Septic Tanks, Valentines. (4)
- 2. Christ in a Clown Suit (3)
- 3. Do You Need Therapy Now? (2)
- 4. How Mom REALLY Feels About Sesame Street (2)
- 5. We're Gone For A Day, We Might Die (1)
- 6. The Joys of Aging (1)
- 7. Good Luck with Your Mutant Ear (0)
- 8. Good Luck with Your Mutant Ear (0)
- 9. Good Luck with Your Mutant Ear (0)
- 10. Christ in a Clown Suit (0)
- 1. What is a "Cannabis User"? (9)
- 2. If I Die, Tell Them What I Ate (7)
- 3. Hurricane Preparedness (5)
- 4. Call Me Crazy (5)
- 5. It's Not Called Mom's Nipple Book (5)
- 6. Mom's Mind Is Out to Sea (5)
- 7. Your New Criteria: No Prison Record, Not a Lawyer (4)
- 8. The Great Paranoid Pumpkin (4)
- 9. Dude!! It's Your Daughter's Wedding. (4)
- 10. Butt Dialing, Septic Tanks, Valentines. (4)
- 1. Where Are You From? (182)
- 2. Today in Mom News: How Did You Choose Your Child's Name? (132)
- 3. First You Pierce Your Nose, Then You Have Illegitimate Children (98)
- 4. Grandma Can't Be Bothered? (77)
- 5. Don't Passive-Aggressive-Smile-Face-ME (76)
- 6. Does Your Mom Buy You Undies Every Year? (72)
- 7. And you are becoming a male hater (70)
- 8. Who is the Baby Daddy? (57)
- 9. Mom the Grammar Nazi (52)
- 10. The Grown-Ass Woman's Club (49)
-
Fan of Postcards? Sign up for email updates about our book/website or let us know you like the site by becoming a fan of ours on Facebook, following us on twitter or subscribing to our rss feed.
-
Tags
advice Animals appearance Babies birthdays Christmas college dads dating death dogs dreams drinking drugs facebook family food gifts grandmothers grandparents health holidays jobs memories men missing you pets pets and animals pooping pop culture relationships school sex shopping siblings slang technology texting totally random travel tv vices weather weddings work
LMAO!!!
April 4, 2010 at 8:14 pm
I have had this EXACT conversation with my mom!!!!
April 4, 2010 at 9:50 pm
I have that conversation with my mother alllllll the time!
April 5, 2010 at 9:37 pm