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Backstory: My mother emails me often to ask questions that can easily be answered by going to Google.
Well fine! If you never want to help me ever again with anything then just tell me! Maybe GOOGLE put diapers on you and stayed up all night to make sure you were breathing!
Well, if it’s a go, then you can take the pay but keep at least your perspective…Don’t work for someone who might throw a phone at you…Love, Mom
Backstory: End of her previous e-mail: “Well, it’s off to bed for me. Stayed up until after 2 a.m. because there is no adult supervision here right now.” My dad is traveling this week, so she’s on her own.
GRIN.
Yeah, I was disappointed when at Christmas you 3 didn’t get T shirts that said, The Adult and I didn’t get a T shirt that said Requires Adult Supervision.
Well, tra-la-la, I’m up from my nap break and ready to party with my girl friend at Milano’s! Busy removing facial hair right now that should be growing on my scalp. Didn’t know one could have maroon hairs that don’t know their place.
Mom: I’m going to kill your father
Me: Don’t tell me these things, that’s premeditated murder, you’re going to get more time in prison for that.
Mom: Right, but you have to understand that I expect you to lie for me on the stand anyway.
I am bummed that the crib is gone. Maybe you can find one down there. I did get a little infant hammock type seat that vibrates (batteries) for only $5.00. You will need a chest of drawers and a rocking chair, too. I was in the bathroom here (public library), and thought how cool it would be to have a diaper changing station that folds down from the wall. Do you think if I bring a screwdriver I could get it off and run it out to the car before anyone notices?
Backstory: My mother got a text from someone she didn’t know and decided to play along. She sent me the conversation.
Stranger: “So when you go to get plan B pill do you have to ask for it?”
Mom: “Yes, speak to a pharmacist. Who is this?”
Stranger: “Mike?”
Mom: “No, wrong number. good luck”
Stranger: “This is Kevin, right?”
Mom: “No. But you may need to talk to planned parenthood to get it. Don’t forget to wear a condom! I am a concerned mom. good luck!”
Since it’s Good Friday, we thought we’d go down PFYM memory lane and post a few holiday-related postcards from our early days. We’d love to hear your favorite, silliest momma memories from Easter and Passover in the comments. Did your mom drink too much Passover wine? Maybe she made an obscene gesture with a marshmallow peep!? Does she still buy you an Easter basked even though you’re 35? Comment away!
Holy Easter Text: Hi Sweet <3, R U kmng hm Th or Fr? Aftr al itz estr! jesus.
Fancy Matzah: would you like me to mail you some chocolate/caramel covered matzah?
Post-Lent Party!: was thinking of giving up wine for Lent…
Talking about being hung over after celebrating Passover on Good Friday is really inviting a Smiteing and hell fire, dontcha think? … careful..
mom: Tomorrow is Maundy Thursday.
me: what happens on maundy thursday?
mom: that is when Christ does the last supper and it is the foot washing with Mary Magdalen
me: oooooh
me: so we celebrate by washing peoples feet?
mom: well on Maundy Thursday we do. showing that we are not above other people, as Jesus did to the whore so do we to those beneath us. or did she wash his feet and he let her touch him… ?
me: HAHAHAHA
mom: such an uptight religion
me: omg i love you
Mom: Don’t forget to do your taxes! They’re due April 15th!
Me: I know, I already did them and mailed them out.
Mom: Really? I am SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!
Me: For doing my taxes?
Mom: YES!!! SO PROUD!!!
Me: You do realize I have a Ph.D. and managed to become a professor right out of grad school, right?
Mom: Yeah, yeah, finished early, way ahead of your peer, award-winning….but you’ve never done your own taxes before! SO PROUD!
