Backstory: I was thinking of cooking a paper bag turkey for Thanksgiving any my mom wanted to try it out on a chicken first.

So let me tell you about the roast chicken in a paper bag!!  I cooked it for 1 hour and 40 minutes and figured it had to be done, carefully cut open the paper bag and tried not to let any steam burn my hands and checked the temp.  Well, 130 degrees.  It was not even close to being done and it didn’t brown and there was no crispy skin and the wings stuck to the paper even though the thing was well oiled and I felt like I needed 4 hands to get the slippery little bugger into the bag; that was a messy process.  So by 8 o’clock last night when Michael and I were both hungry and this chicken wasn’t even close to being ready, I pulled the damn thing out of the oven and called 5Star for a sub for him and a gyro for me and went to pick them up with wet hair.  I would skip the idea of turkey in a paper bag unless you want to wait forever to eat.

hahaha……………….love, Mom

Backstory: mom is recently single and just scheduled her first date on match.com

PS  Boy emailed me and is going to call at noon and we might go out tonight.  Sooooo

·         It will probably be dinner what should I wear

·         If I invite him in for coffee or a drink will he think we are having sex?

·         I don’t have coffee or the makings, can I say tea?

·         Since it is after work how hard to I have to work on my hair and make up.

I just had to write to you.  Just go ahead and butter my butt and call me a biscuit!!  Guess who was arrested and taken into custody for attempting to solicit someone to kill his wife?  The Popo have him.  Mike Y!!!  Remember him.  Of eyeglass fame and tattoo parlors?  And flashy suits?

His wife is shocked, and in despair the (the news) people are saying.  She had not idea.   Supposedly, they are separated and waiting for a divorce and he ups and tries to have her killed for $10,000.  And, when they asked him what he wanted to say to his customers he said, Well, stick by me!!!  I guess we’ll have to wait for the outcome.  You just never know.

Catherine, I’m sorry about the typos.  But, I’m a little tired and I’m sewing and Daddy keeps walking through the house with his guns which he says need cleaning.  He does this every Sat. night and how dirty can they get in a weeks time?  Like, I said, you never know………Mom/Nana

Backstory: I told Mom I was getting sick, so she emailed this morning asking if I was going to the doctor ASAP for antibiotics.

oops.  you didn’t want nudgy advice, just chicken soup and good health vibes.
so I’ll retract my last email (pay no attention) and just send the positive energy. and dancing matzoh ball dreams. sorry ’bout that.  (trying hard to be appropriate here and respect your adult autonomy)
xoxoxo

Backstory: My mom uses a website called cat channel– it’s like Facebook…but for your cats, and you post as the cat. As for Grubby…Grubby is from the 80s, he’s Teddy Ruxpin’s best pal.

Can you tell me the lyrics to It’s Soooo Hot (by Grubby)???   I need it for Cat Channel.

Meowmy

Everyone loves my dog because he’s nice and easy to get a long with because I’m nice and easy to get along with. Your sister’s dog is mean and weird because she’s mean and weird. And your dog is hyper as shit, but he doesn’t mean anything by it, he’s a sweet little dog.

Backstory: I got this after telling her about my new guy, the first one after I realized the last was gay.

Well, honey… since it took you a year and a half to realize Matt is gay– when I knew it and I’ve never met him face to face… let’s see… I’m not sure you have the best relationship instincts. But, I’m glad you can talk to him. Glad he seems to like you. Glad he’s appreciating you for being an intelligent girl. Glad he’s not feeling you up. Take it from there.

Good morning!   Well here is my e-mail, but I have nothing to say.   Did not listen to the news this morning,  have not turned on NPR yet  -  there is nothing in my head!     Oh here is something  – how does the groupon work if you want to buy something?   I want to buy a subscription to MIdwest LIving.  After you buy it, do you print out the coupon?     If that is the case  I will have to figure out how to hook up my printer.    I think Julie and I are going out for pie today.   Did you hang out with Scott last night?    Please answer with an interesting e-mail,  all I get are e-mails from Pottery Barn, Ann Taylor, and Tony Horton P90X,   -  my only friends.
Mom