You know, I’ve been thinking about that New Year’s Eve we spent in Montezuma.  Wonder if they still have a street dance at midnight?   Would love to buy that little hotel and work in my bathing suit (I know, I’d have to get a new one) all day.  There’s the goal for the coming year–a bikini job, ha!

Mom

Backstory: My mom recently started doing the p90x workout series, and is mildly obsessed.

So I had to pick Brian [my 17-year old brother] up from the nurse’s office on Monday and I went down the wrong hall. When I asked a hall monitor, what was about my own age, she pointed down the hall and said, “oh you have gone way out of the way, you need to go back down that hall and take a left. But you could probably use the exercise.” So i p90x chopped her in the face and ran away. Beeyatch.

Leonardo DiCaprio is a hermaphrodite. He just looks like one of those children that could have gone either way.

[Dweezil Zappa]’s performing his dad’s stuff – so it’s Zappa on Zappa!  It’s bringing me back to my dating days with your dad…the entire basement was day-glo posters of Frank Zappa, in blacklight, and we played his albums constantly.  Then we got into the movie “200 Motels”, and so on and so on.  I remember when Moon was born – - it was quite an announcement.

Then when we moved to LA, I was so thrilled to know that Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention had lived in the Houdini house on Laurel Canyon Blvd. – - not only Houdini, but Frank & the Mothers as well.

And look at me know…hanging with Moon & Dweezil.  I hope Ahmet (other brother) shows up and does his perfect impersonation of Tom Jones.

Love,

Momma

A vampire bit me on the calf so then I was a vampire too and I thought to myself. What are we going to do when everyone is a vampire?
The End

Backstory: My mom desperately wants the Shake Weight and doesn’t think anything is funny about the commercial.

The Shake Weight isn’t sketchy. It’s all about toned arms, which are important. Ask Michelle Obama.

Backstory: So, I have this creepy sock monkey that my mom likes to use to scare me whenever she comes over to our house. She hides it in creepy places so I will later find it and be afraid. I recently decided to return the favor by sneaking it into her house and hiding it. This is the email I received after she found it.

Senor Sock Monkey has returned for a visit.  He could not stay away.  SoMo, as I affectionately call him, likes it here better than there.  He told me so.  He has also suggested some rather disturbing plans concerning my dear daughter and her significant other.  I told him, “No, SoMo, we could not possibly do those types of things, because it would be too scary.  No, SoMo, no!”  But alas, I fear, SoMo will not listen to me.  He does have a mind of his own.  For now however, you both are safe for SoMo and I are enjoying our reunion.  Ahh, SoMo, my dear, dear companion.  No one understands me like Senor S. Monkey.

Beware his return………………

Last night watched an episode of Star Trek Next Generation where they had Sarek, Spock’s father, as a diplomat. So of course at the end, Picard and Sarek are facing each other to give their farewells. Picard speaks first and puts in fingers in the proper Vulcan sign, but his words are not right!!! So I exclaim loudly and just then Sarek speaks the perfect “Live long and prosper!” which of course I also spoke aloud enthusiastically. And I looked over, and there was my cat who had been peacefully sleeping next to me, now looking up at me with some expression on his face that seemed so say, “What’s wrong with her???”  By the way, cats don’t like to make eye contact, so when they do it must be something VERY important! I love it!!!

Backstory: This is a response I received from my Mom after forwarding her an email that contained photos from a 1977 JCPenney catalog.  Apparently murder and theft did not occur in the 70′s in SC.

I don’t remember all of these, but yes, the clothes were colorful and ugly.  Lots of plaid items.  But it was safe to go shopping.  You did not have to worry about getting mugged or killed during that time frame.