The phrase “jump the shark” which I didn’t understand in reference to the Grey’s Anatomy bizarre “Glee-ish” singing episode means kind of reaching the tipping point, doing stupid out of character stuff and going down hill from there…originated with Happy Days episode where Fonzi literally water skii-ed over a shark.

If you put shampoo (like I tried Dove with conditioner) on your feet at night, they become lovely and soft.

Mwah.

Do you know what a merkin is?
I just learned the word.
L,
Mama

Backstory: I recently canceled my cable service and have been having a bit of withdraw, so my mother has been sending me synopses of bad shows to make me feel better.

While I was channel surfing this evening, I switched to the new show Alas ka Mounted.  A taxidermist was working on the whiskers of a lion (I have no idea why a taxidermist was working on a lion in Alaska), but he ran out of thread to make the fake whiskers.  He looked at the camera and said, “the last time I needed whiskers, I just took them off Grandma’s mole.”  I changed the channel immediately.

Mom: i’m going to play farmville and lie on the couch.
Mom: also, one more thing. i play spider soitaire and i know that it’s only tuesday, but i am the current high scorer for all of facebook! you can even see my name! it’s a big deal. you can tell your friends.

Backstory: Apparently my mom thought her massage therapist was the most appropriate person to talk to about my difficulty finding shoes. And as if that wasn’t funny enough…she actually PUT THE SHOES ON THE SCANNER AT HER OFFICE to show me what they looked like.  That’s right…instead of sending me a picture, SHE SCANNED THE SHOES.

Good morning,  I saw Ann last night and we were talking about all the shopping we did and I was telling her about your long narrow feet, which she fully commiserated with you about since she also has that problem (size 11 AAA) anyway, she has these three pair of shoes that she bought but never wore and gave them to me to send to you.  One is the sandal the other two are the slip-ons (one in gray, one in beige).  I’m sorry the pictures are so bad, but it’s the best I could get on the copy machine.

Anyway, let me know if you want to try them.

Love,  Mom

Backstory: I received this letter my second year of college, after a false rumor was spreading around my hometown about a possible impregnation of my girlfriend.  I saved it for posterity.

Here is the insurance card for your car.  I didn’t think you would be home before it was due.

I heard what the rumor was up at the school.  I only hope if that ever happens we hear it from you first.  Also I hope if you’re having sex you are using condoms or some sort of protection.  That’s all I’m saying on that subject.

No much happening here…cold and dreary today.  I’m washing clothes and need to do some baking so I’d better get moving.

Take care

Love,

Mom