In Case of Rapture….
Just letting you all know that I love you very much and am so glad you are in my life. Just wanted to let you know in case the rapture happens tomorrow and I don’t see you again.
Love,
M
The Subconscious Mind Is Wide Open
Backstory: My mom is very eager to see me married to my boyfriend, Nick…she also believes in the ghosts, medium, and the power of suggestion.
Mom: My fortune cookie said wedding bells are in a family member’s future…
Me: Didn’t you say Ashley and Robbie are getting married?
Mom: Next year. That’s not soon. Send Nick powerful persuasive thoughts while he sleeps. The subconscious mind is wide open then.
Does Our Insurance Cover That?
Me: I need to go to the orthodontist. My teeth are shifting…
Mom: I’ll have to see if our insurance covers janked up teeth.
Me: wow mom. thanks
Terminal Cuteness
Backstory: My mom is a retired psychiatrist and often informally diagnoses those around her. Sophie and Joey are our dogs and today Joey was the lucky recipient of her diagnostic ability.
Joey was beside himself with jealousy, trying his best to disrupt the game of tug-of-war between your father and Sophie. Joey suffers from multiple diagnoses, among them: attachment disorder and narcissistic disorder (along with terminal cuteness, of course.)
Always Wanted to Say That…
Backstory: My parents have a home office complete with printer. I occasionally ask my mom to print things off for me. In this instance I wanted a recipe for ginger cookies to impress my new guy.
This business is not here to pay your printing costs that are incurred for no other reason than to further your chances of getting that boy bedded and wedded. HA HA HA….. always wanted to say that to one of my daughters. DONE!
Osama’s True Whereabouts
Backstory: This was sent 72 hours after President Obama announced that Osama Bin Laden had been killed.
Mom: Hi guys!! Just in case you hadn’t heard, I wanted to inform you that they killed Osama. (that sounds way too close to Obama!!)
Love’
M
Me: Hi Mom,
thanks for the heads up! :-)
Mom: Oh Wait!! I take it back. He’s not dead after all!!! I’m watching the news and he’s been sighted flipping hamburgers in Findlay Ohio!!
Fornication-Free Royal Wedding
Mom: I hope you are up watching the royal wedding!
Mom: it is just like pride and prejudice but without the fornication!
Happy Mother’s Day!
To our long-suffering moms, Roberta and Judy, and to all the good-natured mommas out there who have made this site possible. Enjoy mother’s day!
Not-So-Subtle Fertility Advice
Backstory: I am neither pregnant nor trying.
Make sure youre taking 400 micrograms of folic acid daily, critical to fertility and fetal development. xoxoxoxo
Princess Catherine + Stripper Music
Hi again family…
House is on zillow with last years photos, but the virtual tour is current and shows the elephant ear plants. The stripper music is the best choice out of about 30 bad ones. We wanted them to play Here Comes the Sun, but it is copyright protected. Didn’t Princess Catherine look beautiful?!! Great dress.
Love,
Mom
