Backstory: My sister has an internship where she is rooming with a girl who is naked all the time.  She constantly calls us with naked updates and how annoying this girl is.  My mom texted me this at work one night.

hows work? laura just told me that she wants to run naked nancy over with a mack truck.  now that is not nice!! I hope she doesn’t really do it or she will go to prison. POOR LAURA.

Backstory: My friend sent me a link to get a free Snuggie, so I ordered one then passed it on to my mom, thinking she might want one too.

Did you order it?  Did you read the terms?  Maybe the terms are that you promise to wear it for 2 years straight, even in the summer and they get to put your sweaty face on their commercial, on national TV, during prime time, perhaps even the Super Bowl.  Did you ever think about that?  Be careful of free things!

Mama

Backstory: Mom goes to the beach every summer with her girlfriends (I call them the Ya-Ya’s). While on this trip, she sends me a picture of all of them in a parking lot, looking like they’d been hitting the bottle for HOURS. I’m not sure what a Mother Shucker is but I’m pretty sure my mother shouldn’t be drinking them.

Mom: Drunk bitches in the parking lot after a few Mother Shuckers
Me: Wow, mom, really?
Mom: Did you notice the full moon?
Me: No i was distracted by the ‘drunk bitches’

Backstory: Today I sent my mom an email titled “I am stuck on the Humane Society website” with a bunch of links to the adorable dogs I wanted to adopt. 5 minutes later, I got this.

I am stuck on “adult child what the hell are you doing at work? sites”, where moms seek tearfully for reassurance that their grown children have a grip.

Puppy = distraction.

What are u spose to be doing??

Love you,
Mom

PS You as a grown up can decide how to spend your time:  on the web or house training a dog or traveling the world, right?

Backstory: Previous post (same brother).

Subject: Your Stupid Brother

YSB came in 3:30 in the morning hallucinating on “shrooms”. Furious. Get black dresses pressed……..talk to you later.

MOM

I have a suggestion.  The government should turn both parties, Republican and Democrat over to the Nuns and Rabbis and let them run the whole process.  You would’t have this business of who is doing what with their weiners!
Auck (this is a special sign off, just for me)

Another show that I stumbled on that is outstanding, is “Ancient Aliens” on the history Channel.  There’s a remote African tribe that has ceremonies surrounding, and astrological instruments that locate this star that has only recently been discovered.
Anyway…..Check it out. God is a fucking Alien bitches!!!!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

PS
Don’t judge the show by the host’s hair…..

xoxoxoxo

HAPPY

BIRTHDAY

I wondered why I had weird pains all day yesterday.  My body was having flash backs. LOL