Flip Flops, Taco Bell–Your Generation’s Going to Hell

I’ve lost all faith in your generation. Please tell me you have never worn flip flops to work. It is imperative that I know this information and that the answer be: NO! Rubber flip flops, especially those in the “Neon color family” w/ sparkly stones should never be worn anywhere sand is not present. I digress. I’m finding it very hard to concentrate between the flip-flop-squeak-flip-flop-squeak sounds passing by my office and the intense rumbling of my innards. I don’t have much faith in my newest employee in my dept. She’s already scheduled days off, said ohemgee in an e-mail, and when I asked her where she wanted her “Happy First Week” lunch, she replied with Taco Bell. Out of all of the restaurants she could have chosen she picked one with a drive-thru and swivel chairs.  You know of my affection for chalupas but there’s a time & place for it. I hope all is well in your land.

xxxooo Momma

Posted on 08.31.2011 at 11:00 am// Tagged: , ,

Hurricane Preparedness

Mom:  Bobbie told me I need to prepare for storms so I bought 4 gallons of water and about dozen weight watchers frozen desserts.

Posted on 08.28.2011 at 9:00 am// Tagged: , ,

Energy Stealing Necklaces

Mom: Pam gave you some jewelry that she got from a friend that stole her energy and she wants you to have a black multi-pearl necklace and 2 pendants. Hope you have a great day. I am so glad its Friday.
Me: Why would i want it if it steals energy?
Mom: Not the necklace silly, the person.
Me: Well that explains a lot… the person stole her energy?
Mom: Yes.  Do you want it or not?
Me: Sure I’ll take the necklace!

Posted on 08.25.2011 at 11:00 am// Tagged: ,

Your New Criteria: No Prison Record, Not a Lawyer

Hi Hon,

Don’t cross B. off the list.  If I rejected Dad because he was “too eager” I might be single today and never have had three great kids!!!  As I’ve told you, Dad used to chase me down the hall of the classroom building!  Tell me that is not “too eager”?  Remember your new criteria?  No prison record, not a lawyer, and I forgot the other criteria — no drug addiction or whatever.

Love, Mom

Posted on 08.23.2011 at 11:00 am// Tagged: ,

I Miss You, Ho

Need You Now is on the radio again. You know what? I kind of like it, it has nice lyrics. It’s better than “I miss you, ho. I’m going to trash you next time I see you.”

Posted on 08.17.2011 at 11:00 am// Tagged: , ,

What is a “Cannabis User”?

Backstory: My mother recently discovered craigslist to place tenants in her rental properties. ‘Cieverwenso’ is a slang spanish term in our area for someone who has no shame. I’m not sure if that’s how it’s spelled, but that’s how she spells it.

Mom: Hey what is a cannabis user?
Me: A pothead
Mom: I don’t think so, it was on a craigslist need to rent. The guy said he wanted roomates that were ok with a “cannabis user”
Me: Trust me mom, it means he smokes pot. Cannabis is another word for marijuana.
Mom: Are you sure? Why would he put that kind of information on the internet? People shouldn’t just talk about their drug use in public. Cieverwenso!

Posted on 08.15.2011 at 11:00 am// Tagged: , ,

Nuptial Preparedness

Backstory: My dear sweet mother knows I am not engaged or even seeing anyone at the moment.

Mom: What church are you going to have your wedding at?
Me: What?!
Mom: Your wedding… what church are you going to have it at?
Me: I don’t understand what you are talking about!!
Mom: You have to plan these things!

Posted on 08.12.2011 at 11:00 am// Tagged: ,

Mum the Australian Tax Evader

Mum: Can you tell me the australian tax year?   June what to what….
Me: July 1 to June 30
Mum: I know now why I am an Austrlian tax evader.  Why would you be so stupid as to split the year up from july to to june.
Me: You are also a spell check evader.
Mum: I can’ spell when I’m pissed off.
Me: I lobve you.

Posted on 08.10.2011 at 11:00 am// Tagged:

Spending Eternity In Boca

Backstory: While my parents were visiting my grandparents in Florida, my mom posted this comment on my Facebook status, which was “Seriously loving life today!”

Glad you’re “loving life” – your grandparents made me visit their mausoleum today, and I saw the drawers they’ll be buried in. And its in Boca!

Posted on 08.08.2011 at 11:00 am// Tagged: , ,

Travel Woes

Backstory: Here’s an email exchange between my sister and my mom. My sister had been scrambling around looking for my mom’s boarding passes but my mom eventually found them.

As u can see all is well. Found the damn voucher inside my boarding pass. Thank u douches for your kind response to my dilema.

Love
Mom

Posted on 08.05.2011 at 11:00 am// Tagged: ,

What Is This Download Thing?

Backstory: Mom is a big scrapbooker. She is constantly asking for photos, so I send them to her as they come in, or compile them for her. She also checks facebook for my photo albums and friend’s photo albums. Tonight she was working on a scrapbook page, but for an event several months ago.

Mom: I am frustrated because I have pix from so many different places..facebook, your friend’s facebook, i-phone, drop box, then that other photo place you put pictures in…..maybe in sept..you can put all the pictures in one place for me…

love,
MOM

Me: then next time you should just download them when you get them and put them in your specific folder. Then later, you don’t have to look for them.
Mom: first of all I do not know how to do this download thing.

love,
mom

Posted on 08.03.2011 at 11:00 am// Tagged: , ,

Mother Loves a Motherlover

went to movie yesterday with Joannie after work – almost hate to tell you what we saw but it was MY choice!  Friends with Benefits!!!  my crush on Justin Timberlake will never end!  Mr. InSync did not disappoint.  cute, fun, made me laugh although a bit formularic.  and if you are laughing at me right now its actually your fault – Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye!!!

Posted on 08.01.2011 at 11:00 am// Tagged: , ,



Love, Mom