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Backstory: My apartment was recently broken into. also, mom has a black belt.
hola,
¿como estas? Just thinking about the tae kwon do class I will be conducting. Ha!
Let me know if your friends would like that self defense class and I would be thrilled to come on a friday and teach how to kill an intruder. (Dinner and sangria at that Greek restaurant would be great afterwards!!)
Love you!
mom
Change of date. Please note is now at 2 pm on Friday 23 December.
See you there or you are fucked.
Backstory: This was my Mom’s response when I sent her my Thanksgiving travel itinerary. I’m Emily and my sister is Valerie.
Yippeeee, Turkeeeeee, Emileeeee, Valerieeeee, Momeeeee, Dadeeee, Funeeeee
Kiddie barf, though, is what got me over my fear of seeing people vomiting. Kids are so easy to deal with and they make very little noise, too. You’re the best adult vomiter I know, even now. I guess it was the noise that made me vomit-phobic to begin with. From the time you projectile vomited across your crib and onto the wall until the time you had your gall bladder out, you were, and are, a gentle, soft-spoken retcher.
Me: I got a lot of things done today.
Mom: good.
I saw dr holt. him and me. we’re tight.
he gave me his cell phone number.
well actually i saw him yesterday
Me: ….did you just use the phrase “we’re tight” ?
Mom: i did.
Me: going out for Mexican food in a bit
Mom: that’s fairly close, right?
Me: yep
Mom: ok, dress warmly …it’s a little brisk out there!
Me: yes Mom :)
Mom: Yup….and make sure you get lots of sleep, drink lots of water, don’t talk to strangers, don’t go out with wet hair…..
eat a balanced diet….
be nice to other children….
share….
Me: I promise
Also, I love you
Mom: hee hee
Backstory: I got impatient while trying to give my mom computer support.
I learned all by myself. Yea me. It’s a good thing I had more patience that you do, you might still not be potty-trained.
Backstory: Not a day goes by that my 61 year old mother does not remind me how much more superior her iphone is to my Blackberry Torch.
Mom: Btw did u change ur clocks?
Me: Yes! What time is it anyway? Not sure if my phone updated automatically or not.
Mom: My iphone says 9:45 am
Me: Why do you need to say “iphone” huh? Why not just “phone” you show off!
Mom: Cause I don’t want u to think that your shitty phone will be capable of giving you the right time. Heeee Heee Heee snort!
Did you put soap in laundry? I wouldn’t say this on fb but your pic looks kinda like lindsey lohan mug shot
Backstory: Ever since I was about 14, I called my Dad “Dod,” because it amused me. It stuck. Anyway, my dad lost a lot of weight recently and he needs a new suit for my wedding.
I told Dod the other night that we need to get him a new suit. He looked at me the way the cat used to when I said, “Um, go do…this.” He was all, “I have a suit.” And I was all, “Yeah, from when you were 45 lbs. heavier.” And he was all, “Don’t I have something from before I got fat??” And I was all, “????????????????????????? Dude!! It’s your daughter’s wedding. You need a new fucking suit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Backstory: I had told my mother about a boy I’d been on a few dates with. A little while later, I found out he actually has a long distance girlfriend (with whom things are “uncertain,” of course), and that I will be meeting her this weekend at an event we’re both going to.
Me: i’m actually semi-excited to see what this girl is like
Mom: so lame
Mom: i’m excited for you to kick that girl’s pansy little ass
Backstory: My mom LOVES trashy reality TV and sent this to me right after Kathy Griffin got “vajazzled” on her show. I think she was only partly joking…
Mom: Ever considered vajazzling?
Me: Mom!
Mom: Or maybe keep it simple and get vattooed…
Me: Oh sure, that’s part of my regular grooming routine.
Mom: Precious or semi-precious?
Backstory: My parents were getting ready for a funeral where my dad (being a Scotsman) had decided to wear his kilt. They also have 5 cats.
your father is driving me mad. Cannot find tie- in wardrobe on tie rack. Cannot find sporran and socks- in sporran and sock drawer. Cannot find shoes- in corner beside his side of the bed. Additionally found long dead bird in shoe. Aaaargg.
