Backstory: Mom’s response to my email asking how old Dad is turning next week.

He was born in 1950…………….yikes, 62.  Don’t say anything about getting old.  It is bugging him that we are getting old and he is a little depressed.  When he gets depressed, he obsesses about his bowels.
Love MOM

We’re leaving to go to South Carolina by plane tomorrow and back on Sunday.

Will call when we get back…love you!!!

Mom

PS:  If anything happens to us, coordinate with Aunt Sue and Matt.  Matt and you will split everything 50/50.

Backstory: More irreverence from my mother who feels that all news must be put in to one email, less than 500 words, telegram style.  I don’t even know how to respond to this.  Where to begin?

Yesterday we went to the barbershop (Dad’s hair covering collar). While I was sitting there waiting for Dad, the cell phone rang. It was your aunt. She was sitting at Reagan airport and didn’t mean to call me, she said. The barber said that’s called “butt dialing.”  Septic Tank people called to say they had an emergency so didn’t come to us-coming this afternoon since ours is not an emergency. This morning I had annual mammo. I am at work but have to leave now that the boys are here. I got an email from your sister-just checking in. That’s nice for a change. Still haven’t got the mouse who gets the peanut butter. My colleague says if I bring in a brand-new trap he will show me how to set it foolproof. He says twist bacon around the trapper. I have got to catch this mouse. The dog had a restless night–lots of snorting and sneezing. SHe finally stopped and went to sleep but I got up and did aerobics. I think that’s all the news. I need L’s USPS address so I can send a Valentine. Ciao.

Am in the taxi and watching the crazy tv in the back and I see that we along with mayor bloomberg and many more are celebrating milk day! I am thinking, what the hell, is the recession so bad that we have to say thanks to the cows?!?

I now see that it was MLK day as in Martin Luther King!! I think I am really losing it!

Your mom!

Backstory: I got an ear infection while scuba diving in Thailand because I got a small piece of seaweed lodged in my ear.

hi honey-
sorry to hear about your ear.  i saw a movie on the sci-fi channel about that once.  he turned into a swamp thing.  good luck with that.
love-
mom

I just got a haircut.  Lianna just cut my hair DRASTICALLY. I look like a naked mole rat. Love, Mom

Backstory: Splash is their new bichon frise

Grandpa gave us a personal tour of his nude art collection with the latest addition from Paris & Splash pissed 3 times in the living room.

Backstory: I ordered some things from a Slumber Parties (adult toys) representative that got delivered to my mom’s house (I don’t live there anymore) and apparently she took it upon herself to look inside the bag and see what I had bought.

Stephanie dropped off your bag of goodies!  Some of the things look very interesting!  Just interested and I don’t really care what you do with the stuff as long as you are happy!

Love,
Mom