Postcards From Yo Momma http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com A repository of modern day maternal correspondence Sat, 04 Jul 2009 14:44:09 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.1-beta2 en hourly 1 Happy Fourth of July! Bring Your Own Bail Money. http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/04/happy-fourth-of-july-bring-your-own-bail-money/ http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/04/happy-fourth-of-july-bring-your-own-bail-money/#comments Sat, 04 Jul 2009 14:44:09 +0000 Postcards From Yo Momma http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/?p=4389 Backstory: Fireworks are illegal in Maryland where the party is being held, but that doesn’t stop Lloyd, my mom’s 50-something year old cousin, and his quite illegal holiday party.

Gma called this morning to say that we all (including your boyfriends) had been invited to Lloyd’s 4th of July party. I asked if she wanted to go and she said no, it was a bring your own bail money party.  he has tons of fireworks, is building a float to set them off from and a foot bridge over the cove.  It is being catered by a ribs place and another place is doing the salads.  So, if you want to come to MD to come to this party, y’all just let me know!

]]> http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/04/happy-fourth-of-july-bring-your-own-bail-money/feed/ 0 Dad Is Useful http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/03/dad-is-useful/ http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/03/dad-is-useful/#comments Fri, 03 Jul 2009 17:00:04 +0000 Postcards From Yo Momma http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/?p=4387 Backstory: My mom wages epic war with various wild creatures attempting to eat everything in her garden (urine of larger/predatory animals apparently does repels smaller animals).

me: AGH BIG ANT
KILL IIIIIIT.
where’s dad when i need him???
mom: hey, I need him here to pee on the garden fence.

]]> http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/03/dad-is-useful/feed/ 0 The World Needs My Outlook http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/03/the-world-needs-my-outlook/ http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/03/the-world-needs-my-outlook/#comments Fri, 03 Jul 2009 16:00:36 +0000 Postcards From Yo Momma http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/?p=4385 We were talking to Lora after you last night and she said I should write a blog. I have decided that the world needs my outlook. So I’m going to. Like today we went to the bank with Oscar, we were there for two hours. As Dad said it’s pretty bad when you can say your accomplishment for the day is to almost open a bank account.

Stuff like that. I am now going to email Bob, I don’t know how to make a blog get on the internets. He will know how to do it, but be a pain in the ass about telling me how, and that I can’t write anything anybody would want to read. I’m sort of dreading this already. You don’t know how to make a blog be on the internets do you?

]]> http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/03/the-world-needs-my-outlook/feed/ 5 Over-Texting Momma http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/02/over-texting-momma/ http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/02/over-texting-momma/#comments Thu, 02 Jul 2009 19:07:02 +0000 Postcards From Yo Momma http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/?p=4382 Mom: Did u get in2 class
Mom: How was wk
Mom: How was wk
Me: It was ok
Mom: Was it busy
Me: Very
Mom: WOW!
Mom: Hi did u get in2 class
Mom: What do u do in class

]]> http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/02/over-texting-momma/feed/ 2 Temptresses! http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/02/temptresses/ http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/02/temptresses/#comments Thu, 02 Jul 2009 16:06:20 +0000 Postcards From Yo Momma http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/?p=4380 so which one of you temptresses left an ice cream cake in the freezer.   my dilemma:   coffee vs. ice cream for breakfast.     demon children!!!!!

m

]]> http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/02/temptresses/feed/ 7 Early Fireworks from the “Doob Smokers” http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/02/early-fireworks-from-the-doob-smokers/ http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/02/early-fireworks-from-the-doob-smokers/#comments Thu, 02 Jul 2009 13:30:01 +0000 Postcards From Yo Momma http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/?p=4377 June 30th, and we are officially under siege.  The Dead Architect’s Home, now inhabited by the “doob smokers” with lots of disposable income(?!) has had some great ones tonight.  A half stick and 30 seconds of really high, professional looking fireworks that probably cost $200. Dad and I gave them a thumbs up, a whoo-whoo and a whistle.  Hope they’ll save some for the 4th.

They’re at it again, so we’re heading back out to the porch.

Love you all,
Mom
XOXOXOXXO

]]> http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/02/early-fireworks-from-the-doob-smokers/feed/ 0 Breaking News http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/01/breaking-news-2/ http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/01/breaking-news-2/#comments Wed, 01 Jul 2009 17:30:43 +0000 Postcards From Yo Momma http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/?p=4375 I was behind a lady about 60 yrs old at TJ Maxx and followed her to the carts. She was dressed really nice. She farted really HUGE 3 times!!

]]> http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/01/breaking-news-2/feed/ 4 It’s So Hot… http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/01/its-so-hot/ http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/01/its-so-hot/#comments Wed, 01 Jul 2009 15:30:28 +0000 Postcards From Yo Momma http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/?p=4373 Backstory: My mom had posted something on her Facebook account about how hot it is where we live, and this is how she replied to someone agreeing with her.

The squirrels need pot holders to hold their nuts!

]]> http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/01/its-so-hot/feed/ 5 I didn’t mean it like that! http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/01/i-didnt-mean-it-like-that/ http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/01/i-didnt-mean-it-like-that/#comments Wed, 01 Jul 2009 13:30:05 +0000 Postcards From Yo Momma http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/?p=4369 Mom: It was nice to see you today! You looked so pretty! What did you do different?!?
Mom: wait…
Mom: umm…
Mom: SHIT, I didn’t mean it like that!

]]> http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/07/01/i-didnt-mean-it-like-that/feed/ 1 The Lawn Whisperer http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/30/the-lawn-whisperer/ http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/30/the-lawn-whisperer/#comments Tue, 30 Jun 2009 20:49:51 +0000 Postcards From Yo Momma http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/?p=4365 Mom: I can hear the lawn calling out–begging to me mowed

Me: Oh really?  That’s weird  I don’t hear anything

Mom: Listen closer

]]> http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/30/the-lawn-whisperer/feed/ 5 Up for Grabs http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/30/up-for-grabs/ http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/30/up-for-grabs/#comments Tue, 30 Jun 2009 19:38:29 +0000 Postcards From Yo Momma http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/?p=4363 Any need for the following:

Clothes shaver (w/batteries–yeah!)
Sponge Mop refills–What kind do you have?  Do you have one?
A Weiner Whistle

]]> http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/30/up-for-grabs/feed/ 3 Worshiping at the Electronic Altar http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/30/worshiping-at-the-electronic-altar/ http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/30/worshiping-at-the-electronic-altar/#comments Tue, 30 Jun 2009 13:30:00 +0000 Postcards From Yo Momma http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/?p=4360 Mom: Guess how your dad fixed the TV while I was out of town this weekend.
Me: He bought a new one.
Mom: Predictable, isn’t he?
Me: I CALL THE OLD ONE! Predictable aren’t I?
Mom: I thought you might. Wait to see if he gets the old one fixed.
Me: Why is he getting it fixed if he bought a new one?
Mom: Sweetie. I mean really. It may have something to do with the mating call of the sonybird and the samsung warbler…sort of like the automotiveology religion.  Your dad worships at many alters, many of them being electronic.

]]> http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/30/worshiping-at-the-electronic-altar/feed/ 10 Unless Something Else Comes Up http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/29/unless-something-else-comes-up/ http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/29/unless-something-else-comes-up/#comments Mon, 29 Jun 2009 17:30:24 +0000 Postcards From Yo Momma http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/?p=4358 Hi there – just a reminder to always put some sunscreen on – every day – regardless of the weather! ….skin cancer cases are way up – I had a little biopsy (waiting for results) from my forehead (which is probably fine)…I still feel horribly guilty about Ben’s second degree burns while at San Mateo day camp…once you are burned – those cells are at way greater potential for future cancer. yuck

okay – that’s the Jewish Mother message for the day (unless something else comes up) ha.
xoxoxox

]]> http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/29/unless-something-else-comes-up/feed/ 2 You LOVED being danced with to “Thriller” http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/29/you-loved-being-danced-with-to-thriller/ http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/29/you-loved-being-danced-with-to-thriller/#comments Mon, 29 Jun 2009 15:30:16 +0000 Postcards From Yo Momma http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/?p=4356 Can you believe it…..he died!!!

OMG, he was the number one album sold in 1983, you LOVED being held and danced with to “Thriller”, “Billie Jean” and “Beat It”. Whether you know it or not, you had a connection to him and his music. I don’t know if he was a pervert or not. I do know he was a very talented musician.

RIP, Michael…..

Love you and miss you.

Mom

]]> http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/29/you-loved-being-danced-with-to-thriller/feed/ 0 A Fitting Tribute http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/29/a-fitting-tribute/ http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/29/a-fitting-tribute/#comments Mon, 29 Jun 2009 13:30:36 +0000 Postcards From Yo Momma http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/?p=4354 Mom: This has to be shouted
Me: ??
Mom: BILLY MAYS IS DEAD!
Me: …
Mom: Get it? I yelled like he did.

]]> http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/29/a-fitting-tribute/feed/ 11 Fashion Tips for a Drag Queen Son http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/28/fashion-tips-for-a-drag-queen-son/ http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/28/fashion-tips-for-a-drag-queen-son/#comments Sun, 28 Jun 2009 18:30:17 +0000 Postcards From Yo Momma http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/?p=4351 Backstory: My mom will often give me (her dragqueen son with nails and purple hair) WAY random and out there advice on fashion. One day she was asking what I was going to be wearing to a family function.

mom: so what r u gonna wear?

me: i dunno. something black Im sure.

mom: really?!

me: well all my pink clothes are in the wash :)

mom: :( well just don’t dress like Cher and don’t wear tight sweaters, they make you look cheap.

me: all righty then…..

]]> http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/28/fashion-tips-for-a-drag-queen-son/feed/ 5 ‘Stache Advice http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/28/stache-advice/ http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/28/stache-advice/#comments Sun, 28 Jun 2009 15:08:26 +0000 Postcards From Yo Momma http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/?p=4349 There is a new drug on the market called Vaniqa.  It is a cream.  It gets rid of facial hair.  You need a prescription.  You should look it up before you go to the dermatologist.

]]> http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/28/stache-advice/feed/ 3 He’s Getting Socks this Year http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/27/hes-getting-socks-this-year/ http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/27/hes-getting-socks-this-year/#comments Sat, 27 Jun 2009 16:00:10 +0000 Postcards From Yo Momma http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/?p=4347 mom: so do you like the guy?
me: maybe
mom: did you hook up with him?
me: maybe
mom: okay, just don’t get too close. I don’t need anyone else to buy christmas presents for.

]]> http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/27/hes-getting-socks-this-year/feed/ 1 Good News!!! http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/27/good-news/ http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/27/good-news/#comments Sat, 27 Jun 2009 14:00:16 +0000 Postcards From Yo Momma http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/?p=4345 My kidney stone just popped out a moment ago!!! Yay!!!!!!

]]> http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/27/good-news/feed/ 7 Michael Jackson and Menopause Brain http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/26/michael-jackson-and-menopause-brain/ http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/2009/06/26/michael-jackson-and-menopause-brain/#comments Fri, 26 Jun 2009 20:29:21 +0000 Postcards From Yo Momma http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/?p=4342 Me: LA Times just confirmed the King of Pop died… :(
Mom: It’s so sad and shocking. I know he was weird but I still remember him as a kid and then in his 20s when he was at the top. Awesome then.
Me: I know. You should make R [my brother] do the moonwalk in rememberance. He’s so good at it!
Mom: I didn’t know that!
Me: What?! He used to always do it when we were kids!!
Mom: There goes my menopause brain again

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