Highest Rated Posts (last 30 days)
Swallow After Reading
Can you email me how to save something from my excel file to a disk? I don’t want anyone here to know how dumb I am.
Thanks. Please swallow this email after you read it.
Thought You’d Appreciate My Coolness
So today I was passing one of my mangers… who by the way is late 50s at best.. and I said ‘ what up ‘??
He said, ‘did you just say “what up” ??’ and I said ‘ word ‘
Thought you’d appreciate my coolness…
Love you!!
Trapped With Dad and Bro
Backstory: My mom lives with my dad and 17-year-old brother. I asked if we were invited to my cousin’s wedding.
Don’t know. I would guess so. I cant think about such trivia now. . . We are in the process of having another blizzard here. and i am trapped with the 2 whack-nuts for the 4th time in 2.5 months. This is like being pecked to death by a chicken
President of the I Can’t Stand David Cassidy Fan Club
Backstory: My mom was forced to see David Cassidy in concert, hated it, and wrote him a letter. This is an excerpt.
You stated several times during the night that you were sick with some unknown illness. I can only assume that that illness consisted of having a large head, small penis and being a huge ass. I cannot believe a person like you exists and I am quite curious to know what the hell is wrong with you.
I have been going to concerts for 30 years and I am thankful that I can finally say, with all sincerity, that your performance was the worst, most horrible and utterly insufferable concert I have ever seen in my entire life.
Your truly,
President of the I Can’t Stand David Cassidy Fan Club
In Case of Craigslist Murder
I’m going to pick up a clay cooker from a guy on Craig’s list. Dad was going to come with me; however, he isn’t feeling well so I’ll probably go alone. I’ve done it before but in case the guy, Russ, (details left on desk by the kitchen phone) hacks up my body and feeds me to the ducks, I want you to know that I love you very much. And if it comes to trial, I think Dad should get the $15 back that I’m paying for the clay pot.
Home is Where the Mom Is
I just want to tell you I hope you come home soon. I really miss you. I don’t know why. I think it is the earthquakes.
Love,
Mom
My Googilly
Me: Are you drunk? What’s a googilly? And you are not a grandma.
Mom: I’m a step g’ma through marriage and no I’m not drunk. Googilly is what continues to move long after you stopped.
That’s Not My Name!
Backstory: We checked my birth certificate, I was right- it’s “Claire”.
Mom: Clare- Take out trash and empty dishwasher
Me: Wow, the person who named me doesn’t know how to spell my name, what a joke. I believe my birth certificate says “Claire”, I also believe I have been spelling my name “Claire” for the last 17 years.
Mom: Actually I believe your birth certificate says “Clare”…. so are you going to take out the trash and empty the dishwasher?
Me: You’re kidding, right?
Mom: No… now go take out the trash!
What’s Coffee Without Cream Like?
I’m trying to do coffee w/out cream & artificial sweetner and it’s like toast w/out butter or sex w/out penis…
Where the Heck is Click?
Opened your list as a word doc. It say to press control+click … where the heck is click? I have been racking my brains trying to figure out how to view a couple items. I tried control+every key and nothing. HELP!!!!!!!!!
Did I mention I need… HELP!!!!!!!!!!
Love you
Customer Service
Backstory: I am a hairstylist and while my mom was waiting I had a very rude client who was insulting me.
I left my water bottle there. Fill it up, put it in the freezer, then hit the bitch in the head with it.
Hockey Problems
Backstory: My mother comes from a country on the equator. She the watched America vs. Canada in the olympics, it was her first hockey experience.
The problem with hockey is that everyone has a stick.
There Was a Lot of Paperwork Involved
I dreamt that you had a pet goat, and when I cam to visit you wanted me to get rid of it. There was a lot of paperwork involved. It’s name was Danielle.
Love you,
Mommy
What Goes Into a College Guy’s Care Package
hey i was thinking of sending your brother a care package. Do you think he would like girl scout cookies, teeth whitening trays and condoms or is that too weird?
Smoking and Drinking
Me: Hey Mom! How was your birthday?
Mom: It was wonderful! We smoked and drank ALLL weekend!
Me: Umm …really? You smoked and drank all weeekend?
Mom: Yep! We made a pitcher of margarita’s and smoked a turkey and a brisket and even some sausage!!
