Highest Rated Posts
Medical Possumbilities
I had a CT done today of my stomach. I’m sure it was fine but the patient before me was a possum from the zoo. I have to be the only person in the world that had to wait for a possum to go first for a medical test.
Don’t Worry About Me
Do either of you lovely girls have the energy to pick me up – i arrive on AA#700 at 11:35 pm….if not, don’t worry, i can get in a cab with jack the ripper
love, mamasita
Contact Lens “Solution”
So, after we left you on Friday night, back at the campground I realized I had forgotten to bring along my contact lens case, No problem, because teaspoons will substitute nicely, in an Emergency. Unfortunately, Dad had cereal for breakfast, and ate my left lens. He’s such a fun, alert guy to hang out with!
So how long have you smoked pot???????????//
Interesting picture of you on your my spacepage. So how long have you smoked pot???????????//
Just so you know, potential employers will look to see if you have a myspace page. I’m not sure you’d really want them to see this. Nice URL Address: penis envy………………great
Mom
We Should Probably Stop Hugging.
Mom: i just heard an awful story in the news today
Me: oh?
Mom: some kid in texas pretended to hug his mom and then stabbed her
Me: holy shit! that’s horrible!
Me: i’d never stab you
Mom: i know, but to be sure we probably should stop hugging
Big Girl Potty!
I’m so proud of you my babygirl. Haven’t been this proud since you pooped in the big girl potty. :)
XOXOXOXOXO
Care Packages
Princess,
I need your list of the stuff you want me to pick up @ the store, so I can send your package.
example….
measuring spoons
cookie sheets
mixing bowls
Condoms? type & size?
Love,
Mom
Thoughts on Death
Backstory: I was discussing with my mother how callous my family can be about the death of a loved one.
Mom: That is true. We are ruthless and efficient if nothing else
Me: it’s the German in us
Mom: Yep. Our motto is ” die already. We got better newer versions of you who could use some furniture”
Tyra Text
tyra says the average woman has 8 sexual partners in a lifetime….yo mamas a ho!
A “Bong”
Do you know what a “bong” is? I’m reading a police report that came in and have no idea what that is.
Packing List: Birth Control and Sheets
Backstory: I am going on vacation with my boyfriend, and my aunt is letting us use her house since she will be out of the country.
Mom: Did E send you Aunt R’s address?
Me: Yes, I’m so excited! Cheap vacation, woo hoo!!!
Mom: I’m excited for you. Please take your own sheets.
Me: Ummm, ok. Thanks?
Mom: Don’t want any presents left behind…
Me: Eww I get it.
Mom: Also don’t forget your birth control. I love you, but that’s how I got you – forgot to pack bc.
Me: Love you too??
Thank you for introducing me to this world!
Backstory: I came out to my mother almost six years ago, when I was 14. She was hesitant at first, but she has gotten increasingly excited about being the parent of a lesbian ever since.
At [PFLAG's] dinner now. Wonderful scene at a trendy building in Tribeca overlooking the Hudson. I am now hearing speeches from men dressed as Miss America contestants in crowns and evening gowns. Thank you for introducing me to this world!
Beyonce and Sigg Bottles
Me: can you please, please mail me the sigg bottle I left at your place?
Mom: no way… its mine now. If u liked it then u shld have put a ring on it.
Text Message Panic
mom: hello please text me back if you get this.
me: got it
mom: oh good I thought something was wrong with my text messages. I have sent 3 texts to your brother but no reply. I am worried he’s dead or worse just drunk all the time.
me: I talked to him this morning, he’s not dead at least. I can’t vouch for the rest.
mom: I’m so glad I learned this texting stuff just so I could “supposedly” communicate with him. I’m now paying 30 extra bucks a month for him to ignore me, like always.
me: well at least you’re all hip now with your cool new phone.
mom: whoop de do
I was just really kind of shocked.
I saw this show called The L-Word on Showtime last night. OMG This girl strapped this leather thing with a big purple ____ on another girl and they were going at it. You couldn’t see anything really because of a pillow, but OMG I’ve never seen anything like that before even in the movies. Other than that it was a very good show – Marlee Matlin, Cybil Shephard, Jennifer Beal. I was just really kind of shocked. But at least that answered my question that you never would answer. :)
Love you,
Mom
