Worshiping at the Electronic Altar
Mom: Guess how your dad fixed the TV while I was out of town this weekend.
Me: He bought a new one.
Mom: Predictable, isn’t he?
Me: I CALL THE OLD ONE! Predictable aren’t I?
Mom: I thought you might. Wait to see if he gets the old one fixed.
Me: Why is he getting it fixed if he bought a new one?
Mom: Sweetie. I mean really. It may have something to do with the mating call of the sonybird and the samsung warbler…sort of like the automotiveology religion. Your dad worships at many alters, many of them being electronic.
Unless Something Else Comes Up
Hi there – just a reminder to always put some sunscreen on – every day – regardless of the weather! ….skin cancer cases are way up – I had a little biopsy (waiting for results) from my forehead (which is probably fine)…I still feel horribly guilty about Ben’s second degree burns while at San Mateo day camp…once you are burned – those cells are at way greater potential for future cancer. yuck
okay – that’s the Jewish Mother message for the day (unless something else comes up) ha.
xoxoxox
You LOVED being danced with to “Thriller”
Can you believe it…..he died!!!
OMG, he was the number one album sold in 1983, you LOVED being held and danced with to “Thriller”, “Billie Jean” and “Beat It”. Whether you know it or not, you had a connection to him and his music. I don’t know if he was a pervert or not. I do know he was a very talented musician.
RIP, Michael…..
Love you and miss you.
Mom
A Fitting Tribute
Mom: This has to be shouted
Me: ??
Mom: BILLY MAYS IS DEAD!
Me: …
Mom: Get it? I yelled like he did.
Fashion Tips for a Drag Queen Son
Backstory: My mom will often give me (her dragqueen son with nails and purple hair) WAY random and out there advice on fashion. One day she was asking what I was going to be wearing to a family function.
mom: so what r u gonna wear?
me: i dunno. something black Im sure.
mom: really?!
me: well all my pink clothes are in the wash 
mom: 
well just don’t dress like Cher and don’t wear tight sweaters, they make you look cheap.
me: all righty then…..
‘Stache Advice
There is a new drug on the market called Vaniqa. It is a cream. It gets rid of facial hair. You need a prescription. You should look it up before you go to the dermatologist.
He’s Getting Socks this Year
mom: so do you like the guy?
me: maybe
mom: did you hook up with him?
me: maybe
mom: okay, just don’t get too close. I don’t need anyone else to buy christmas presents for.
Good News!!!
My kidney stone just popped out a moment ago!!! Yay!!!!!!
Michael Jackson and Menopause Brain
Me: LA Times just confirmed the King of Pop died…
Mom: It’s so sad and shocking. I know he was weird but I still remember him as a kid and then in his 20s when he was at the top. Awesome then.
Me: I know. You should make R [my brother] do the moonwalk in rememberance. He’s so good at it!
Mom: I didn’t know that!
Me: What?! He used to always do it when we were kids!!
Mom: There goes my menopause brain again
Ham Junkies
Backstory: Mum likes to keep me updated on the cats while I’m at uni.
I gave them your message and Bubbles just looked at me, like – you cow, what have you done to my mummy? Squeek seemed to understand but still looked a bit sad, so I gave them some ham and now they both love me more than you so you don’t need to worry about them now because they have forgotten you. They are now ham junkies and I am their dealer.
