Good Luck with Your Mutant Ear
Backstory: I got an ear infection while scuba diving in Thailand because I got a small piece of seaweed lodged in my ear.
hi honey-
sorry to hear about your ear. i saw a movie on the sci-fi channel about that once. he turned into a swamp thing. good luck with that.
love-
mom
Seth Rogen, the Thinking Mom’s Sex Symbol
Mom: I am watching Knocked Up.
Me: What a surprise.
Mom: I have seen it about 8 times at least.
Me: Wow.
Mom: I love that Seth Rogen. I think he is very attractive. I haven’t liked a young star this much in a while. He is in another movie Pineapple Express.
Me: When you come here, we’ll rent it through Netflix
Mom: Well, I would love that. He is just so adorable. I never liked men like him. But I really like him.
New Year, New ‘Do
I just got a haircut. Lianna just cut my hair DRASTICALLY. I look like a naked mole rat. Love, Mom
Holidays at Grandpa’s House
Backstory: Splash is their new bichon frise
Grandpa gave us a personal tour of his nude art collection with the latest addition from Paris & Splash pissed 3 times in the living room.
Special Delivery at Mom’s House
Backstory: I ordered some things from a Slumber Parties (adult toys) representative that got delivered to my mom’s house (I don’t live there anymore) and apparently she took it upon herself to look inside the bag and see what I had bought.
Stephanie dropped off your bag of goodies! Some of the things look very interesting! Just interested and I don’t really care what you do with the stuff as long as you are happy!
Love,
Mom
Who Cares What You Want for Christmas?
Mom: The kindle cover you picked out for Christmas is ugly. I’m buying you a different one.
Me: Why do you care?! It’s not for your own kindle and you’ll never have to even see it.
Mom: It has velcro on it. Seriously? VELCRO.
Me: Mom, it’s the one I want.
Mom: Who cares what you want?
Meat Fixes Everything
Backstory: I ended up owing the government some money due to filing my taxes wrong. This was my mother’s advice.
Yes, tax debacles can be problematic. Hopefully, if you take a page from Anne of Green Gables, you won’t make that mistake again. Positive imagery. Have a piece of meat (I’m reading your joy of chemistry book. I forgot about it for awhile), you must have a pork chop someplace.
Husband Hunting at Barnes & Noble
Backstory: At the ripe old age of 24, my Jewish mother is concerned that I will never meet my nice Jewish husband.. Apparently a visit to Barnes & Noble is exactly what I need.
“How to Shop For A Husband” by Janice Leiberman.
I was told that it is a good read. Might be worth having coffee and reading in the store.
Christmas Card Photoshop Request
Backstory: My parents send out a Christmas card every year with a picture of my sister and me. I thought red lipstick would be cool and festive, but apparently my conservative dad has a problem with it.
Hi, Dad and I would like to send out this photo with our Christmas card this year. Would you be able to work your Photoshop magic on it so your red lips and your sunburn don’t show so much? Let me know! Otherwise we are stumped for a photo this year. Love you doll.
Ma
