The Etiquette of Unfriending
Mom: What happens if you unfriend someone on Facebook? Do they know it was you? I signed on a number of people from work because I didn’t know what I was doing but really don’t need them on my Facebook. I can always ask them things at work or send an email if I want.
Me: I think they just drop off. No notice is sent to them. If you want, unfriend me and I’ll let you know if anything happens. =)
Mom: You won’t get mad and not take me back??
Me: I promise to refriend you. You’re stuck with me for life. =)
Forget the iPad…
me: you see this? <iPad Link>
mom: yes. looks reallynice
me: yesh. my boss is planning on getting one…. geek
mom: yep. perfect for a post meno woman
me: 10 hours active use, that made me think of you
mom: u just want me to get one so u can check it out
mom: forget the netbook i want a kotex
Big Mac > Daughter
Mom: HEY BABE!
Me: Hello Momsie!
(19 mins later)
Mom: I AN EATING A BIG MAC. WILL TALK TO YOU LATER.
Me: I see where I stand in the order of things!
(16 mins later)
Mom: IT WAS A GOOD BIG MAC. LOTS OF THE SECRET SAUCE
How to Cross the Street
Please be careful on the streets of Toronto, too many accidents lately. Remember to cross at the crosswalks, preferably with a group of fat people on either side of you.
Nasty Kid Is Yours to Deal With
Backstory: After spending a day with my uncle’s rather misbehaved one-year-old, I let my mother know that if I ended up having similar children, I would be happy to send them to their grandma.
If you have a nasty kid it is yours to deal with, mother is getting old and has done her duty in the kid department and I will be more that happy to babysit but not raise. You birth em you raise em.
Where Did You Go? (On AIM)
Mom: Hi pumpkin!
AIM away message: Hi Mom, since you haven’t yet grasped aim fully, I just want you to know, I’m not ignoring you. this is an automatic pop up when I’m not here, please don’t leave anymore passive aggressive messages for me to return to.
Mom: well did you have to put that up for the world to see?
Mom: Why aren’t you answering me? You just wrote something 2 seconds ago. Where did you go?
Head of the (Cl)ass
Mom: One of the boys at school found my home phone number and called and left a dirty message about what he wants to do with my ass.
Me: Really?? What did he say?
Mom: I don’t know something about he wants to pop it, or spank it.
Why would he like my ass?
Me: What exactly did it say, humor me.
Mom: Yo, Mrs.— I’m going to pop a cap in your ass.
Me: Omg Mom that means he wants to kill you.
Mom: Really? I thought he liked me.
A Very Important Question
Mom: Mo?
Me: Mom, I can’t talk right now. I’m working.
Mom: No no no it’ll just take a minute.
Me:…
Mom: I’m Team Edward. What’s the other team?
Me: *sigh* Team Jacob.
Mom: Okay, that’s the team your father’s on. go bye i love you.
I’m Still Loopy
Mom: I had ome margarita 5 hours ago and I am still loopy.
Me: One, huh?
Mom: Well I tried to spell it, but I am also tanked on Ambien so goodnight, smart ass.
Me: TANKED! HA!
Mom: A mother on Ambien is altogether different than a mother. With that said, I am retiring to my bedchambers. Unfortunately McSteamy will not be joining.
Political Confusion
I read an article from The Economist and I don’t know what it means. (I thought it had something to do with the American Revolution…apparently not!)
“Hence the spectacular rise of the “tea-party” movement, an alliance of ordinary people who are spooked by the huge amount of debt that is being racked up on Mr. Obama’a watch. For Demoncrats to deride such people as “tea-baggers”, a term referring to a sexual practice of involving testicles, is political stupidity of a high order”
What is the practice????
Love,
Mom
