Computer Emergency
Backstory: My mom frantically called me because her computer was acting “weird.”
Mom: Help! I think I broke my computer!
Me: What happened?
Mom: I don’t know. The screen went black and there’s lines going across it.
Me: What happens when you hit a key or the mouse?
Mom: It goes away but if I leave the room and come back 10 minutes later it comes back! WHAT DID I DO?!?!?
Me: That’s your screen saver
Mom: Well that’s dumb
I Want to Adopt Steve Jobs
I love you and my ipad.
Mom
Defend Yourself!
Backstory: My sister is smaller and skinnier than me. My mom wanted her to take a self defense class in college.
me: You never wanted _me_ to take self defense classes.
mom: Well, you’re …. sturdy.
Pandora Knows I’m Old
Mom: UGH! Does it mean I am old when I am listening to music on Pandora, and it gives me an AARP ad?
Me: LOL
Mom: I’m going with the ads are not prompted by the music I pick.
Me: You aren’t old. I’m guessing you are rocking out to some classic stuff?
Mom: yep
Me: Rock on, mom!
Ever Wonder Where Your Brothers Came From?
Backstory: I was telling my Mom about how my dog ate a loaf of bread off my kitchen counter.
Mom: Rondy, our old dog, ate my birth control pills, foil and all. Spit out the plastic compact. It was all chewed up. Had to take him to the vet because I thought he was going to die…………embarrassing!
Me: hahaha
Mom: 4 1/2 months before I could get a prescription for more at the Air Force Hospital
Ever wonder why your brothers are 19 months apart?
Mom’s Epic Trilogy
Love you more than galaxies!
Mom
The Bomb
P.S.: Dad and I took a walk in the yard tonight and I found a DEAD SNAKE IN THE SAME AREA THAT ALL THE OTHER SNAKES HAVE BEEN FOUND IN. BUYING DYNAMITE TOMORROW TO BLOW UP SIDE YARD BY ARCHWAY. **Screams and runs off. Wets pants. Hates snakes.**
P.P.S.: Planning to write a trilogy. Listed from first to last are the titles I have planned.
1) Screams and Runs Off
2) Wets Pants
3) Hates Snakes
The New Neighbor’s “Work”
New neighbors seem very nice but can see she has had “work done” she has the goofy looking lips that remind me of a duck’s beak but now lines around the mouth.
Love you,
Mom
Talking Container
Mom: So where can I get the 5 cents refund for the juice container?
Me: I’m afraid we do not have this service in our state, you’d actually have to go to one of those states listed on the container.
Mom: Really? So these are state names?
Me: Yeah these abbreviations.
Mom: So what does ME stand for?
Me: The State of Maine
Mom: REALLY? I was thinking it was actually a way of explaining the value of a juice container to people who are illiterate or not very bright. You know, saying : “Me- 5 cents”, “Me” referring to the container, as if it was speaking for itself.
Me: um… I think most people are brighter than that…
Craigslist Jaunt/Potential Murder
Off to yoga and then onto another craigslist jaunt/potential murder to buy some cheap shelving. “Terry” will be the person of interest. Lives on the corner of 10th and Main. All sorts of complicated plans are involved in actually getting there between two other appointments that I have today. All of this just to save ten bucks. If anything goes awry, you can have the new dress I bought for T’s wedding and the lovely shawl I found yesterday ON SALE that matches so beautifully! Earrings, too. Also on sale! What a deal. Just think: all of this great stuff in exchange for my life.
OXOXOXO,
Mom
Reality TV Intervention Needed
low point… watching petite top model. help me get a life…
