There Was a Lot of Paperwork Involved
I dreamt that you had a pet goat, and when I cam to visit you wanted me to get rid of it. There was a lot of paperwork involved. It’s name was Danielle.
Love you,
Mommy
Twilight: A Critique
Backstory: I was telling my mom that I need to go see her in FL…..and apparently she thinks I wrote the twilight series….
Correct me if I am wrong, But I don’t remember extending an invitation to you.
As long as I am writing I have a bitch to make. I am half way through the second book of the twilight series and was really kind of enjoying them UNTIL her first boyfriend was a vampire and now her second one is a werewolf. I can’t wait til the third book. I figure she will hook up with the mummy or frankenstein or superman or a transexual midget or an alien or who knows what. I am not convinced that I will continue through to the end of this one so I think probably the third one is out of the picture. I went to go to the beach and found out the road was closed because of the bridge. It is the first warm sunny day in a long time and I am pissed. Oh well.
Enough rambling
Love you lots and lots
mom
Happy-ish Birthday
Tomorrow is your birthday…yady yady pooh pooh
My Googilly
Me: Are you drunk? What’s a googilly? And you are not a grandma.
Mom: I’m a step g’ma through marriage and no I’m not drunk. Googilly is what continues to move long after you stopped.
That’s Not My Name!
Backstory: We checked my birth certificate, I was right- it’s “Claire”.
Mom: Clare- Take out trash and empty dishwasher
Me: Wow, the person who named me doesn’t know how to spell my name, what a joke. I believe my birth certificate says “Claire”, I also believe I have been spelling my name “Claire” for the last 17 years.
Mom: Actually I believe your birth certificate says “Clare”…. so are you going to take out the trash and empty the dishwasher?
Me: You’re kidding, right?
Mom: No… now go take out the trash!
The Tax Mum Cometh
Backstory: I have lived in Austria for ten years, my Mum is in the UK. She knows nothing about the tax system in Austria, nor does she have any idea what I earn, so the figures are just completely made up.
Mum: As you will be half way through the tax year when you stop working at the end of September you might find that you get some tax back, probably about £500. Or they might make you pay less tax.
Me: ? I haven’t paid any tax in the UK since 1999.
Mum: I mean in Austria.
Me: The system is completely different. You needn’t worry that I don’t know these things.
Mum: Well, just saying. I don’t know what you know.
Me: I know everything.
Mum: I thought so!
Mum: Oh and don’t send me any more text messages, they’re expensive.
Letting the Internet ‘Tude Fly
Mom: Question: do you want a senior portrait?
Me: mehhhh
Mom: What the bleep…?
Me: I don’t want a picture of me in front of an Olan Mills background holding a graduation cap
Mom: Well, that DOES sound kinda crappy
Me: Plus, I don’t really feel that connected to my class or anything, so the yearbook isn’t a big deal
Mom: Um, OK.
Me: What, are you my 14 year-old-daughter? I don’t like your internet ‘tude, young lady
Mom: No, y’know, just messin with sounds, feelin my oats,playin fast n loose w/ punctuation. An it’s wild, baybee, WILD!!
Me: Ma, you crazy.
Mom: So is this all being preserved forever in some bomb-proof cyber data storage capsule er sumpin?
The Most Popular Posts of Last Week!
Last week’s highest-rated posts taught us secrets about aluminum foil, reminded us that moms need fashion advice for Erykah Badu concerts, and made us consider the difference between brownies and “miniature chocolate bites.” Enjoy!
3. How to Have the Best Valentine’s Day (Maybe)
5. President of the I Can’t Stand David Cassidy Fan Club
7. Dessert Psychological Warfare
Today in Mom News: Olympian Mommas
Babble has a nice list up of all the Olympians who are also moms. Out of 207 women in the winter Olympics, only 15 have kids, and most of them are curlers–including Canada’s Kristie Moore, who is competing in Vancouver while she’s 5 months preggo. Yahoo’s Shine wonders if Olympians are too competitive to be moms, a pretty silly question if you ask me. What do you think about moms who are also Olympic athletes? Did you ever spend a lot of time training for an amateur athletic event (a marathon, a swim competition) as a mom? How did you balance your free time with your athletic pursuits? [Babble, Shine]
Figuring Out Google Buzz
Mom - Buzz – Public
u do realize both of your responses can be seen, right? does that mean i can’t say my usual dirty old lady stuff????
