Plastic Surgery on the Ponderosa
Backstory: My mom is getting plastic surgery in a few days and will be on bed rest for two weeks…she thought she would get some early Christmas shopping done and told us to email her with gift ideas… although after our replies, I’m thinking we won’t be getting anything at all.
Mom: Ok Kiddies,
Since I will be laid up for some time starting tomorrow. I’ll have plenty of time to do some online shopping.
How about sending me some ideas for Christmas gifts.
Love ya
Mom
Older Brother:
Kind of scared what gifts we’ll get if you’re shopping in a post-surgery, medicated state :D
Me:
who knows? With all that medication maybe this year I’ll finally get that pony I’ve always wanted…
Younger Brother:
I want to get branded with the Dallas Cowboys logo on my stomach.
Mom:
You are all just too hilarious. Ponys and brandings? Where do you think you all live? The Ponderosa?
Killing Intruders, Then Dinner and Sangria
Backstory: My apartment was recently broken into. also, mom has a black belt.
hola,
¿como estas? Just thinking about the tae kwon do class I will be conducting. Ha!
Let me know if your friends would like that self defense class and I would be thrilled to come on a friday and teach how to kill an intruder. (Dinner and sangria at that Greek restaurant would be great afterwards!!)
Love you!
mom
Threatening Christmas Lunch
Change of date. Please note is now at 2 pm on Friday 23 December.
See you there or you are fucked.
Mom’s Thanksgiving Excitement
Backstory: This was my Mom’s response when I sent her my Thanksgiving travel itinerary. I’m Emily and my sister is Valerie.
Yippeeee, Turkeeeeee, Emileeeee, Valerieeeee, Momeeeee, Dadeeee, Funeeeee
You’re the Best Adult Vomiter I Know
Kiddie barf, though, is what got me over my fear of seeing people vomiting. Kids are so easy to deal with and they make very little noise, too. You’re the best adult vomiter I know, even now. I guess it was the noise that made me vomit-phobic to begin with. From the time you projectile vomited across your crib and onto the wall until the time you had your gall bladder out, you were, and are, a gentle, soft-spoken retcher.
We’re Tight
Me: I got a lot of things done today.
Mom: good.
I saw dr holt. him and me. we’re tight.
he gave me his cell phone number.
well actually i saw him yesterday
Me: ….did you just use the phrase “we’re tight” ?
Mom: i did.
Remember to Be NIce to Other Children
Me: going out for Mexican food in a bit
Mom: that’s fairly close, right?
Me: yep
Mom: ok, dress warmly …it’s a little brisk out there!
Me: yes Mom :)
Mom: Yup….and make sure you get lots of sleep, drink lots of water, don’t talk to strangers, don’t go out with wet hair…..
eat a balanced diet….
be nice to other children….
share….
Me: I promise
Also, I love you
Mom: hee hee
Patience Is a Virtue
Backstory: I got impatient while trying to give my mom computer support.
I learned all by myself. Yea me. It’s a good thing I had more patience that you do, you might still not be potty-trained.
iPhone Supremacy
Backstory: Not a day goes by that my 61 year old mother does not remind me how much more superior her iphone is to my Blackberry Torch.
Mom: Btw did u change ur clocks?
Me: Yes! What time is it anyway? Not sure if my phone updated automatically or not.
Mom: My iphone says 9:45 am
Me: Why do you need to say “iphone” huh? Why not just “phone” you show off!
Mom: Cause I don’t want u to think that your shitty phone will be capable of giving you the right time. Heeee Heee Heee snort!
Nice Mug Shot
Did you put soap in laundry? I wouldn’t say this on fb but your pic looks kinda like lindsey lohan mug shot
