Mom: hey chickie

Mom: made meatballs.
what more can a poor working girl want
than her mama’s company

Me: did you just call me a prostitute?

Mom: no, those are skanky working girls, with a tramp stamp
you have a stamp, but not in the trampy spot

Me: oh man alive.

Mom: but don’t want to see you and j cupcaking

Me: what does that even mean?

Mom: and i am your peep
you should check your vitals
and dont talk smack about kathy
fo shizzle
obvi you are the bomb
and ridonkulous beyond sick for shizzle tight and wack to boot
a total nutter, and snogging your boo with a totes badonkadong
I been reading the aarp magazine
how many of those do you know?

Me: like- the old people magazine?

Mom: obvi
tramp stamp

Me: You are scary.

Mom: bet i made your day huh
we aarp’ers are right up on it

Mom: so what thinks you my baby girl
am i cool or what?