Don’t Just Listen to Dear Abby

Backstory: When my mom dropped me off for my first day at college, she gave me a Dear Abby column about leaving home that she was keeping in her purse. I was slightly underwhelmed.

Mom: I’m sorry about that Dear Abby column. I did think of some better advice: Never have sex in the same room as a pit bull.
Me: ?
Mom: There’s something about it that sets them off. Every time I hear about someone being mauled by a pit bull it involves a prostitute.
Me: Uhhh…thanks?
Mom: Well, I have already told you about all the other ways you could die. If I knew about this and didn’t tell you, I’d feel awful if it really happened.
Me: [silence]
Mom: Also, don’t fall in with a nest of lesbians. Love you!!!!!

Acne Emergency!


I have a pimple on my chin WHAT DO I DO??????


Timeless College Advice

Backstory: This is the last paragrah in a letter I found that my mom sent me during my first week at college – 13 years ago.

Be careful, lock your car, don’t forget your keys, make your bed, pick up after yourself, hang up those wet towels, watch your money, study hard, and don’t believe a darn thing that some guy tells you!!!

How to Deal With Cops

Backstory: My buddy had an open container of hard cider in public. When cops started getting rough with him, i asked one officer “what are you doing?” I was in cuffs before i could say “my mom raised me better than this!”

As the daughter of an actual outlaw criminal (Grandpa) The ONE thing he taught me (well, besides how to break into cars) (well, besiiiiides how to deal with janitors) Oh never mind — Grandpa taught me a lot of stuff — but for sure he taught me to be nice to cops!!!!! So now I am passing that info down to you. Sorry I forgot to mention it when you were young and impressionable Love Mom

How to Let Him Down Easy

I guess in the interest of honesty, you could tell him that you’ve just started seing someone else that you’re really interested in and don’t want to waste his time. You could say that you’d feel as if you’re shortchanging him.  I do wonder if guys are as easily crushed as we think they are. Probably not.

Have a great day. I love you,

How to Live to 100

Hi! Here is my chatty email of the week.   I am off today instead of tomorrow  but am very bored since I have nothing to do.

I ‘m half way through a new book on my kindle about pockets of populations that live to be over a hundred- I have to start walking rocky terrain 3-5 miles day , start drinking 2 glasses of red wine a day, drink goats milk and eat more soy much less meat., and gossiping every day at 3 pm with friends.  I missed out on eating sweet potatoes 3x day as I was growing up  and forgot to almost starve several times in my childhood- mistakes I can not correct.- so maybe I’ll make it to 90 instead. I’m also supposed to live with my children – so get ready.


PS I forgot to tell you – someone used my mastercard card on line this am and charged $4700! in sporting goods.  How rude!  Now my card is no good and my faith in mankind has been shattered.
PSS I love O’Bama

Change Will Do You Good

It is amazing what we think we want then get tired of once we get it. It is probably good to make a change about ever 5-6 years anyway just to keep motivated.

Guess I do that with husbands! Yikes! Done with that yo!

How to Get Through Your 20s

here are some ideas

1. drink more chamomile tea or water
2. do gentle exercising like yoga or walking
3. call yo momma

4. email yo momma
5. cry, scream, or etc. maybe while watching a sad movie or is Saw V too much?

6. call your mother
7. email your mother.

8. be even more healthy than you already are
9. i used counseling several times in my life (premarital, family as you know)

10 call me, email me, study russian, read, pray a lot

it sounds like it is hormonal/chemical so what can you do?  just be
extra good to yourself and don’t get too thin – stay like you are now
- you are totally beautiful!

Have Fun, But Take Your Vitamins

Stop stressing! Tomorrow your paper will be a memory and something new will occupy you (like pinatas and beer?).  Anyway, try to slow down.  Don’t volunteer for everything.  Don’t be so nice!  Take some time for you! You can save the world later in life – have some fun now!  My wisdom for the day.

I’ll talk to you!

Love you,


PS. Take your vitamins!!!!!

Rome wasn’t built in a day

Loved it!  Why aren’t you a writer or working in that field?  I am about to say something horribly insensitive….Rome wasn’t built in a day. Visit the world through photos until you can get there. Plan on a trip every couple of years like most people. Are you planning on a short life? If not, you have plenty of time to do everything, even grow basil, plus many things you haven’t even thought of yet. Relax and enjoy the moment you are in. Life is not a race, it’s more like a lovely stroll where you encounter pot holes now and then. Expect to trip once in a while.  You are just in a slump…go buy some cute shoes.

Boogers at the library

Seriously, when you make your move to St. Louis and are on your own for the first time, I really think you should start taking advantage of the local library.  I know you really like to buy books and you take really good care of them, but it’s money you don’t need to spend.

What are you afraid of — boogers??


Oprah’s advice

Hi concentrate on work and Oprah today talk about you, you are the full monty the whole picture and guys are scared off by u

Just listen and talk less, make an effort

Do not play one up, U definitely do, if he says i have 5 bucks you think asshole I have $500

Men read this and are very insecure and run away!! Even the best catches

love you MOM


I just got your e mail Monday 27th on what to send to roommates sister.

Will try to send Tues 28th.  Hope it gets to her in time.  IMPORTANT: Hippo’s kill and eat more people in Africa than anything.  Eric says don’t get between water, land and hippo.  They will charge to eat you because they sleep in the water and when they feed they come up to eat people.  He says this is a fact. MOM

Love, Mom